Let Me Love You
by SophieSchmidt
Summary: Kendall and Carlos have both been in love with their College professors for three years - Mr James Diamond and Dr Logan Mitchell. However to their professors they are just another face in a crowded classroom; until one fateful night. But sometimes getting the one thing your heart desired most, makes you realise what you wanted has been there all along. Starts Kames/Cargan.. Ends..?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, Sophie here :) I really _really _need to stop starting new stories when I have so many things I am still working on, but this was playing on my mind so much and I had to get it out. Initially it was going to be a one shot but then I just felt the whole thing forming in my mind for quite a few chapters. So here we go!**

**Summary: Kendall and Carlos are University students at Yale, Kendall is an English Literature Major (like me) and Carlos is a Medicine Major, which is crazy I know because he's not meant to be that smart. Both boys are in love with their professors: James Diamond and Logan Mitchell ;) But in such large classes their professors don't know who they are... until a party.**

**Kendall and Carlos would be about 21 and James and Logan being teachers but quite young ones about 27, 28? So there's an age gap. BTR obviously doesn't exist and this is completely AU. **

**This is also written in third person but more focussed on Kendall, cause I love him more than air. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the boys or BTR (which is a huge shame) or anything else you may recognise. **

**Please review and let me know what you think! :) xx**

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To say Kendall Knight thought his English Literature Professor was cute would be an understatement, it would be more appropriate to say he thought Mr James Diamond was amazing, stunning, beautiful, sexy, incredible... the list goes on. For you see Kendall Knight had spent the past three years at university obsessing over a man who barely even knew he existed in a class of over 50 students and knew that even if one day he did catch Mr Diamond's eye they could never do anything, cause you know... the law, which is important or whatever but Kendall doesn't really understand how Mr Diamond fucking his brains out against his desk is breaking the law.

Mr Diamond was like a God amongst men; Kendall just couldn't understand how someone so perfect did something as mundane as teaching at Yale University. He was relatively young for a professor, clearly straight out of university himself, which Kendall assumed made him about 27 or 28, but it didn't matter. Just looking at him would get Kendall's heart racing, that beautiful soft brown hair that fell lightly on his face, striking hazel eyes you could lose yourself in, a smile that lit up like the sun and his body... oh his body... please excuse Kendall whilst he drools.

Kendall only took English Lit. in his first year because he needed to make up the requirements for his major, and he had every intention of dropping it by second year but then there was Mr Diamond and Kendall decided "Fuck being a journalist, I'll be a... writer?" Kendall didn't really know what majoring in English would provide for him in the future but right now it had provided him with three blissful years of staring at and fantasising over Mr Diamond and that was just fine. Kendall was good at it too, like really good top of his class; it was a mixture of natural smarts and wanting to impress Mr Diamond. Not that he knew who Kendall was by face, but it gave Kendall great pleasure to know that Mr Diamond would always at least think he was smart.

Kendall had just started his third year of University and had of course signed up for the class he knew Mr Diamond was going to be taking this year: Romantic Classics. The subject was kind of girly but Kendall could make it work, and it would guarantee him one amazing year of simply staring and wishing, however this year things would end up being even more amazing than Kendall could have ever anticipated...

It all started one afternoon when Kendall was returning to his dorm after a massive study session at the library...

"Kendall! I haven't seen you in like a billion years" His roommate and best friend Carlos Garcia smiled as Kendall collapsed on his bed.

"I swear I'm never going to get this paper done in time" Kendall groaned, turning on his side to look at Carlos who had his head buried in a medical textbook.

Kendall couldn't help but smile to himself. It was no secret that the only reason Carlos had decided to switch to a Medicine degree over a straight Science degree was because of a certain professor named Dr Logan Mitchell. Dr Mitchell was like Kendall's Mr Diamond for Carlos, both boys obsessing over two completely unavailable men, it was rather sad.

Carlos and Kendall had been best friends since forever, growing up together through junior school, middle school, high school... going to College together sort of just seemed like the done thing to do, and of course they did everything in their power to be roommates.

"You always pull it off though buddy, no worries!" Carlos smiled, always happy and never letting anything get him down.

"Ugh I don't know about this one Carlitos. It's tough; I have no idea where to even begin"

"Why don't you go see your professor? I'm sure he will help" Carlos grinned.

It was no secret to Carlos that Kendall was completely head over heels for his professor; Carlos thought it was cute and also somewhat ironic that he too felt the same over one of his professors.

"Shut up. I'll be fine"

"Whatever" Carlos laughs. "You know if you want to get your mind off of things there's a party on tonight, being thrown by the medicine society at one of the sorority houses, it's supposed to be huge"

"Yeah?" Kendall asks, the thought of drowning his stress in a keg very appealing.

"Yeah let's totally hit it up! It's going to be awesome. I heard everyone is going to it, even a few of the professors"

"HA I knew it!" Kendall laughs, "You think Logan is going don't you!"

"No!" Carlos says as his cheeks flush red, "And it's Professor Mitchell to you!"

"You're so cute when you're embarrassed" Kendall says with grin, "But seriously, if Profs are going is it going to be any good?"

"Umm that's why the cool Profs are going, because it will be good, duh!"

Nearly two hours later they are walking towards the Medicine society building looking hot, single and ready to mingle. Carlos and Kendall are good looking guys... seriously. Sometimes one should wonder why they obsess over unobtainable men when they could have women and even other guys hanging off their arms if they wanted.

"Shit, this party really is huge. How come I didn't hear about it?" Kendall muses as they walk through the front doors.

"Because you're a lame Arts student" Carlos chuckles, leading him and Kendall towards where the drinks are.

There are people everywhere, and people ranging from all levels of intoxication. There are some merely drinking and talking animatedly to others, some busting and grinding on the dance floor without a care in the world and then there are the ones who have already started playing strip poker in the corner; this is going to be a great party.

"Wow you medicine geeks really are freaks" Kendall grins as Carlos fills up his cup from the keg.

"You know it" Carlos grins, lifting his cup up to propose a toast. "To not giving a fuck"

"To not giving a fuck" Kendall says with a big smile, downing his drink in a matter of seconds.

After about 4 cups of beer later Carlos manages to drag Kendall onto the dance floor, much to Kendall's embarrassment. It isn't long before the women begin to descend, dancing around Carlos and Kendall with smiles on their faces and hope in their eyes. Kendall is far beyond the point of caring who he dances with tonight, he accepted a long time ago that there is no point saving himself for someone and something that is never going to happen.

"Hi my name is Jo!" A cute girl with blonde hair and a pearly white smile says to Kendall over the insanely loud music.

"Kendall!" He responds, extending a hand to shake her dainty little fingers.

"Dance with me?" she asks.

Kendall doesn't answer, instead grabbing her by the waist and pulling her in until they are positively grinding on the dance floor. To not giving a fuck, remember?

"Kendall!" He hears Carlos yell in his ear after what could have been minutes or maybe hours of dancing with this Jo girl.

"Mm?" He murmurs, looking towards his best friend but hands not leaving Jo's hips.

"Can I talk to you? Like right now?" Carlos asks, practically jumping where he stands.

"Sure" Kendall says, turning to Jo and saying with a smile "Will you excuse me? Best friend troubles"

"Of course!" She gushes, reaching up to hug Kendall and then whispering in his ear "Come find me later"

Kendall can't help but grin as she walks away.

"Kendall focus!" Carlos yells over the music, snapping Kendall out of staring at Jo's ass.

"Ok sorry, what's up?"

Carlos doesn't answer straight away, instead of grabbing Kendall's arm and dragging him off the dance floor and back to the quieter kitchen.

"Ok so again, what's up?"

"He's here!" Carlos whispers.

"Who's here?"

"Professor Mitchell of course!" The Latino says excitedly.

"No shit really?" Kendall replies with the same level of excitement, eyes beginning to scan their current location.

"Yes! I really want to talk to him, but I won't of course. That would be stupid. He doesn't even know who I am; he probably doesn't want to be bothered by his students"

"Why the hell would he come to a student party if he didn't want to be bothered by his students? That seems stupid"

"Oh come on Kendall! You know what I mean!"

"Yeah yeah" Kendall laughs, "So where is he?"

"I saw him outside on the deck, talking with a few other professors"

"Ok come on" Kendall smiles, taking Carlos by the arm and leading him back through the crowded dancers towards the deck.

"No! No no!" Carlos whines, protesting as Kendall practically drags him.

"Come on you're going to talk to him!"

"No I can't!"

"Yes you can! Now which one is he again?" Kendall asks as he peers through the window at the small clusters of people outside.

"That one, see the kind of short guy with the really dark hair? Cute dimples, gorgeous smile, just generally amazing?"

"Ha yes I see him" Kendall laughs, but soon the laughter is stopped dead in its tracks. "Shit!"

"What, what is it?" Carlos asks frantically.

"Professor Diamond is here!" He almost yells, face practically pressed up against the glass to get a better look.

It's definitely him, in all his sexy, magnificent glory, and he looks incredible. The most casual Kendall has ever seen him in a pair of dark denim jeans and a dark blue t-shirt that hugs his tanned muscles incredibly well.

"No way!" Carlos exclaims. "What are the chances of our two dream lovers being friends?"

And they definitely are friends; it is obvious by the way they are smiling, laughing and certainly look like two buddies who hang out on frequent occasion.

"Ok new deal, I will talk to Professor Mitchell if you talk to Professor Diamond!"

"No!" Kendall exclaims in pale face horror.

"Yes! Come on, let's go talk to them!"

"Fine!" Kendall sighs "But I am so nervous. I have like never spoken to him before and oh my god!"

"Kendall, you're acting like you're about to meet Justin Bieber, stop fangirling" Carlos laughs.

"Shut up! Meeting Mr Diamond is far better than meeting Justin Bieber"

Carlos simply rolls his eyes and gives Kendall a small smile, "You ready?"

"No, but whatever. What are we going to say?"

"Um... let's just go introduce ourselves. They will recognise our names from our assignments"

"Ok good point" Kendall says as he takes a deep breath, giving himself a small pat on the back for being a straight A student.

With one last deep breath and calming moment the two boys step out onto the deck and nervously make their way over to where the two loves of their lives are standing.

"So I said to her" Kendall hears Mr Diamond say as they approach "I say, if you want to put your shit in my office don't expect me to be fucking nice to you"

_Fuck he sounds sexy when he swears _Kendall thinks, he has never heard Mr Diamond swear, except for in his fantasies.

"Ha that's classic" Dr Mitchell laughs in return.

"Um hi" Carlos says nervously, interrupting their conversation.

The two men turn to look and Kendall and Carlos and they don't look upset about being interrupted, which is good at least Kendall thinks. Kendall's heart is beating like crazy as those beautiful hazel eyes look into his own.

"Hi boys what can we do for you?" Mr Diamond asks politely, shifting his intense gaze from Kendall to look at Carlos.

"Well my name is Carlos Garcia and Dr Mitchell I'm in your biomechanics class, it's my favourite class" Carlos says with small smile.

"Oh hi Carlos!" Logan says enthusiastically, extending his hand to the dark haired boy. Kendall is fairly sure Carlos is about to pass out at any second. "I recognise your name; you're a really great student. It's Logan by the way"

"Thanks Logan" Carlos gushes, grabbing Logan's hand and clasping onto it tightly.

"And you are?" Logan asks, turning to look at Kendall with a kind smile.

Time to turn on the charm Mr Knight.

"I'm afraid Logan I am not in any of your classes, I am an Arts Major"

"Good man!" Mr Diamond interjects with a laugh.

_I swear if he smiles at me like that one more time I am actually going to pass out._

"My name is Kendall Knight"

"Kendall Knight, really?" Mr Diamond asks, well more like coughs as he chokes on the beer he is drinking.

"Really really" Kendall smiles in response.

"You're my favourite student!" He exclaims, placing a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "I've been trying to figure out who you are for the past three years, every single class you've taken of mine, every single assignment has been flawless and incredible!"

_Ok that's it, I'm dead._

"Well thank you so much Mr Diamond." Kendall blushes.

"Please, it's James"

"Ok, James"

The two smile at each other, eyes connected in a deep stare and Kendall can feel sparks fly.

"So! Kendall, Carlos" Logan says with a slight cough, interrupting the intense moment between James and Kendall. "Are you two enjoying the party?"

"Totally!" Carlos smiles. "Are you? I wouldn't expect to see you two at a party like this"

"Oh James and I usually try to slip into these things, so much better than the staff parties" Logan replies with a wink.

Kendall wonders how Carlos is even still breathing and can't help but smile to himself.

"Kendall if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to chat to you about the current assignment" James asks, causing Kendall's heart to start jumping out of his chest.

"S-sure!" He says quickly, cursing himself for stammering.

"I on the other hand, don't want to talk about school work" Logan laughs, turning his attention to Carlos. "Carlos do you want to join me for a drink back inside?"

Kendall actually has to nudge Carlos slightly because he is pretty sure the short boy has gone into a state of shock.

"Yes, yes of course!" He says quickly, grabbing Logan by the hand and leading him back into the house.

Logan looks slightly taken aback for a second by Carlos' hand on his but his lips soon turn into a grin and he winks at James quickly before disappearing.

"Wow your friend Carlos is pretty friendly isn't he?" James chuckles as he turns his attention back to Kendall.

"Yeah, there's definitely no one like him" Kendall laughs in return, trying not to freak out over standing here with James.

"Want to find somewhere to talk?" James asks casually, looking around him presumably for a good place to sit.

"Um yeah I think there's like a little courtyard this way" Kendall says and he walks to the edge of the deck where a small path is partly hidden by an array of bushes and shrubs.

"You know this place pretty well huh?" James laughs as he follows Kendall.

"Only because Carlos drags me here like every other weekend for some party or another"

"And yet you still remain a model student? I'm impressed"

"I balance my priorities" Kendall shrugs as he rounds the corner to a quiet, secluded little courtyard which is perfectly equipped with a little bench, a small fountain and even rose bushes. It's almost... romantic.

"Wow" James says as he takes in his surroundings. "This is um... really nice"

"Yeah it's pretty nice." Kendall is now realising how awkward it is that he has taken James to his favourite place he takes all his hook ups at these parties because they always go on about how beautiful and romantic it is.

"Are you going to join me?" James asks with a grin, taping the empty space next to him on the seat which fits two people perfectly.

"So, I'm your favourite student?" Kendall says with a suggestive smile as he sits down next to James.

"Of course! Everything you write is perfection. Your analytical essays, your book analysis' and don't even get me started on your actual writing. Can I admit something to you?" He asks shyly.

"Yes?" Kendall replies nervously, hanging off James' every word.

"You know the assignment I set in first semester? The one where you had to write a poem about lost love?"

"Ugh yes" Kendall groans, now embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed" James says softly, placing a hand upon Kendall's. "It was so beautiful, every word you wrote was so strikingly powerful and it touched me to the core, it made me cry in fact"

"Really?" Kendall asks shocked. "I didn't realise it was that good"

Kendall is consciously aware of James' hand on his own and he makes no action to remove it.

"Oh Kendall it was more than good, it was heart breakingly beautiful. In fact... I still read it sometimes."

"Y-you do?"

"Yes" James says with a small smile, and then he does something that has Kendall's heart almost stop; he begins to recite Kendall's poem.

"_No words I write can ever say  
How much I miss you every day.  
As time goes by, the loneliness grows;  
How I miss you, nobody knows.  
I think of you in silence,  
I often speak your name,  
But all I have are memories  
And photos in a frame.  
No one knows my sorrow,  
No one sees me weep,  
But the love I have for you  
Is in my heart to keep.  
I've never stopped loving you  
I'm sure I never will;  
Deep inside my heart,  
You are with me still.  
Heartaches in this world are many  
But mine is worse than any.  
My heart still aches as I whisper low,  
"I need you and I miss you so."  
The things we feel so deeply  
Are often the hardest to say,  
But I just can't keep quiet anymore,  
So I'll tell you anyway.  
There is a place in my heart  
That no one else can fill;  
I love you so,  
And I always will."_

Before Kendall has time to think what he is doing he leans in and presses his lips to James'. He knows it is wrong, knows there is a part of him that is saying to stop but that feeling is being crushed by the man of his dreams holding his hand, looking into his eyes and reciting his own poem back to him. This moment is perfect; something that only happens in the movies, Kendall has never felt his heart explode with so many feels in one moment but this... this is perfection.

And the funny thing is, James isn't stopping the kiss. In fact if anyone were to see them now there would be no doubt that James was an active participant, hand now gently cupping Kendall's face as they share a kiss fuelled by passion and desire. However almost as soon as it began...

"Shit" James murmurs against Kendall's lips, pulling back slightly. "I shouldn't have done that"

"I think that was me" Kendall says with a small smile.

"True, but I shouldn't have kissed you back"

"Why did you?"

"Because..." James sighs, "Because I think I'm in love with you"

_I'm sorry... WHAT?_

"That came out wrong" James says with a smile, leaning back to look at Kendall in the eye. "I have been reading your work, your novellas, short stories and poems for three years and over that time I have been falling in love with you purely from what you write. I know it sounds crazy, but the words you write touch me in a way nothing has ever touched me before. I know I didn't even know who you were or what you looked like, but it didn't matter"

"Wow" Kendall breathes, trying to take it all in.

"Obviously I am not going to act on this, because you are my student and I don't want to take advantage of you"

"Oh please take advantage of me all you want!" Kendall blurts out before he even has a chance to think about what he has said.

James merely laughs; a beautiful, enchanting, melodic laugh. "I'm sorry?"

"I have been in love with you too. I was a journalism major and was taking your class in my first year really for just something to do but from the very lesson it was... it was love at first sight for me really. My world at university pretty much revolves around you. You make my heart beat faster, you put a smile on my face and you inspire me to be the best that I can be. I know this might sound completely creepy but –"

James silences Kendall then, bringing their lips together once more for the most passionate kiss Kendall has ever experienced.

"Mm" James sighs in slight frustration against Kendall's lips. "I shouldn't do this"

"But you want to..."

"Yes, I definitely want to. But I'm a teacher, you're a student. End of story"

"Come on... just let go, for one night, and don't give a fuck about anything"

"But it won't just be one night; I'll want to be with you again, and again... and again"

"Good" Kendall smirks, leaning in to seal their lips together once more but James places up a hand to stop him.

"I'll see you in class Kendall, now that I know who you are" James says with a small smile as he stands up to leave.

"Bye" Kendall mutters as James leaves the small courtyard without one more glance Kendall's way.

Now that Kendall has tasted his desire he is going to go after it, there is no backing down now.

"I'll get you" He whispers to himself.

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**First impressions? :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! :) Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed/alerted/favourited, it means a lot and you're awesome :) **

**Here is a new chapter and it is completely Cargan centric, so no Kames this chapter I'm afraid :( That's kind of how this story is going to be; taking it in turns. There will be more Kames focus but there will be whole Cargan chapters aswell - so enjoy! :) **

**Oh and completely unrelated, videos for "All Over Again" and "No Idea" (by BTR) have just been released on YouTube and in the "All Over Again" one the Kames is just so out of control I can't handle it. Seriously you must check it out. James is playing piano and Kendall is sitting on the piano stool with him and they are looking at eachother smiling whilst singing and OKSENBJGNJKSFNSKEFEG N I'm sorry it's just too much.**

**Anyway that's it for now xD Enjoy! And review!**

**Also warning: If you don't like smut then... look away! haha.**

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**Chapter Two.**

"Alright so what are you drinking Carlos?" Dr Mitchell asks as he sticks his head in the fridge.

Carlos thinks he must be dreaming because there is seriously no way in hell he is hanging out with Dr Mitchell at a student party and getting drinks together. Carlos didn't really mean to take Logan by the hand... I mean like yeah he did but not in a super weird way or anything and besides Logan didn't seem to mind.

"Carlos?" Logan says again, breaking Carlos out of his daydreams.

"Oh um yeah sorry, I don't really mind, what are you drinking?"

"Hmm... how about shots?" Logan says mischievously, raising his eyebrows in question.

"Hell yeah!" Carlos replies enthusiastically, bounding over the kitchen to stand next to Logan.

"Oh wait, wait" Logan says suddenly, "You're 21 right?"

"Ha yes" Carlos laughs. Carlos also doesn't fail to notice the relief wash over Logan's face, but he can't help but think that the relief is more than just at the fact Carlos can be drinking legally...

Three tequila shots later Logan and Carlos are lost in their own world in the corner of the kitchen, talking and laughing without a care in the world. There are others around them but they're not paying attention to what Logan and Carlos are doing, which is probably a good thing because Carlos feels as if will want to kiss Logan at any second. This doesn't feel real to Carlos but he's just going to go with it before this perfect night is over. He spares a brief thought to Kendall but then he realises that Kendall is also currently with the love of his life so he will be fine, right?

"That's so crazy!" Logan chuckles over a story Carlos just told about something that had to do with Kendall and a few of their other friends, a ski lodge, a hot tub and a bottle of maple syrup... you don't even want to know.

"Yeah, it was so insane. Such a wild night" Carlos smiles, hopping up to sit on the edge of the counter.

"That just sounds so unlike Kendall" Laughs Logan as he shakes his head in disbelief.

Carlos is still laughing slightly but can't help but notice something strange in what Logan just said. "How would you know what Kendall is like?"

Logan's eyes go wide as he tries to back track on what he has just said. "Oh I didn't mean, um oh, shit"

"Do you know Kendall? How would you know him? He's not in any of your classes or anything?"

"Just drop it. Want to do another shot?"

"No seriously" Carlos says with a smile, nudging Logan's shoulder with his knee.

"Ok, but you can't tell Kendall because James will kill me!"

"Ok?" Carlos is leaning into Logan and also slightly nervous because he is terrible at keeping secrets, especially from Kendall. He tells Kendall everything.

"So, James and I live together" Logan begins.

"Oh really? I would have just thought you lived alone?"

"No. James has been my best friend since I can remember and we just both reached a point in high school where we both wanted to be teachers, and then we both went to Yale together and were roommates and then we sort of both got accepted into working here and we tried living apart... but we had separation anxiety" Logan laughs. "James is what keeps me level, at the end of a rough day I come home to him and it's just... he's my rock. And I'm the same for him; I keep him grounded and sane"

"Wow" Carlos says in a small voice and opens his mouth to say what is now the burning question on his mind but Logan cuts him off.

"And before you ask, no James and I are not together or anything. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death but... just no" Logan says with laughter. "We tried it once, but it was kind of like going out with my brother. Which is gross"

Carlos laughs at the expression on Logan's face but he is also very aware that this means Logan has dated a man... so is Logan gay? If there is a God he will let Logan be gay for Carlos.

"So anyway, what does any of this have to do with Kendall?"

"Right, yes Kendall. So as you heard James say out on the deck earlier, Kendall is his favourite student. Well to be honest with you I was waiting for James to actually pass out or maybe cry or just generally go a little crazy?"

"Um... why?"

"Because I have spent the last three years of living with James listening to him go on and on and on about Kendall Knight and how incredible he is. I've heard all of Kendall's poems and short stories, as James will walk around the house reciting them for me. No joke James gets excited when assignments are due so he can read Kendall's... it's actually rather hilarious. He will clutch the paper to his chest and proclaim dramatically 'I'm in love Logan! I'm in love!' It's pretty funny. Of course I have explained to him like a million times that he doesn't even know who Kendall is and he could be some huge, hideous, horrible person but James always insisted it didn't matter because he just knew Kendall was perfect. Shit when Kendall introduced himself before... I'm pretty sure James will have tried to rape him already by now if they're alone... jokes. But I'm pretty sure Kendall is everything James could have hoped for, because he's a good looking guy and obviously very sweet. So yeah, that's about it. And what I meant about that story not sounding like Kendall is just his writing is so gentle, so romantic, so beautiful, not crazy ski lodge antics ha"

Carlos was at a complete and utter loss for words, he simply stared at Logan with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

"I know it's weird, especially seeing as Kendall is a student so I don't think James will actually try anything but yes... are you going to say something?"

"Oh. My. GOD!" Carlos exclaims suddenly, jumping off the counter and grabbing Logan's arm. "I have to tell Kendall!"

"No! What? No! You can't tell Kendall, James would absolutely kill me. Like I'm not kidding, you don't know James; he's pretty sensitive and the biggest drama Queen."

"No you don't understand!" Carlos says in an excited rush "Kendall is in love with James too! Kendall switched majors just so he could do James' classes! And James is his obsession! I'm pretty sure all those stories you would have read are written _about _James. Oh my goodness this is so exciting!"

"No no no, Carlos calm down" Logan tries to usher, "It's not that simple. I also really want to tell James what you have just told me because it will make him completely die but I won't because I don't want James to jeopardize his whole future. I know Kendall is of age, but even then relationships with professors and their students are super strict, James would be fired in a heartbeat and Kendall could possibly be kicked out."

"Oh" Carlos says in small voice, a small pout beginning to form on his lips. "I don't want Kendall to be kicked out, or James to be fired."

"I feel like I've just kicked a puppy" Logan says with a sad little laugh.

"But if they both realise they're in love with each other, then shouldn't love prevail? Doesn't love overcome all obstacles?"

"That's very poetic of you Carlos, you should switch majors" Logan grins, "But yeah maybe you're right. I don't know. I guess I'll see James later and he will tell me all about it. I know him so well and I've known him my whole life and yet he still manages to surprise me sometimes"

"Same with Kendall. You guys kind of seem like us a little bit. Kendall and I went through all of school together and I think I would rather die than have gone to a different college than him and we are roommates of course"

"Except the one difference is that you haven't been in love with one of your professors for three years" Logan says with a small grin, although the simple sentence has Carlos beginning to freak out and cheeks blushing a bright red, which he is pretty much 100% sure Logan notices.

"Ha w-what yeah that would be weird!" Carlos chuckles and tries to look away from Logan's questioning gaze.

"Carlos... you won't by any chance have a little crush too?" Logan grins, leaning in closely and placing a hand on Carlos' arm gently.

"Pfft me? No!"

"So if I were to say... kiss you, that wouldn't mean anything to you?" Logan's lips are now only inches away from Carlos', Carlos can smell the tequila on his breath.

Carlos is pretty much at a complete loss for words and all he can do is stare.

"You're really cute, you know that?" Logan's hand is now trailing up and down Carlos' arm.

"Um I have a question?" Carlos stutters. "Didn't you just give me a big lecture about student teacher relationships?"

"Mm yes, but then you're really cute and this is just one night and no one has to know. My problem with James and Kendall is that they're already too far gone for anything to just be casual for one night between them."

_I am already way too far gone for you, do you not realise that? _Carlos thinks.

"I have an idea. If you're up for it" Logan says.

"W-what?"

"I think you and me should take this bottle of tequila here, a lemon wedge or two and some salt and find a room upstairs, do you think that sounds like a good idea?"

"It sounds like _the best_ idea. But are you sure? You're not at all worried about the consequences?"

"No one has to know" Logan whispers into Carlo's ear, stopping quickly before pulling away to place a small kiss on Carlos' neck.

"Ok, come on" Carlos groans, grabbing the bottle of tequila and the salt shaker on the counter, Logan quickly on his heel with a handful of lemon wedges.

Carlos hopes they don't draw to much attention to themselves as they make their way back through the partygoers and up the stairs, but he thinks that most of the people here are way too far gone to notice.

Much to their luck the first room they try on the upper level is open and empty, and Logan makes a specific point of locking the door behind them. They really don't need anyone walking in.

"So I was thinking body shots?" Logan grins.

"Who are you?" Carlos chuckles. "This is so unlike you. When I watch you lecture on the physics of the body in your crisp shirt and tie I don't think 'This is probably a guy who likes to do body shots at sorority parties!'"

"Ahh there's a lot more to me than meets the eye Carlos Garcia" Logan smirks before he grabs the hem of his shirt and completely rips it off.

Carlos feels as if his jaw has literally just hit the floor, or maybe his eyes are bugging out of his head because seriously when he woke up this morning he would not have imagined in a million years than Professor Mitchell would be standing in front of him shirtless. His body was also better than Carlos could have ever imagined it. Hard, lean, great subtle muscle tone and beautiful creamy white skin; just please excuse Carlos whilst he goes and dies.

"Well, come on, I'm not doing body shots off you with a shirt on" Logan laughs as he crosses the distance that is between the two of them. He grasps onto the bottom of Carlos' shirt and before you know it that too is on the floor.

Logan stares at Carlos in great appreciation, his eyes hungry and full of desire.

"So have you ever done body shots before?" Carlos asks, kind of nervous.

"Don't forget I was once a college student too!" Logan grins before he collapses down on the bed next to the strewn items for tequila shots. "Well come here then" Logan ushers, extending a hand out to Carlos.

Carlos eagerly yet still rather nervously makes his way over to Logan and positively bounds onto the bed, which has Logan chuckling in no time.

"Ok so I think we need to get you drunker, so you go first" Logan says.

"Haha whatever" Carlos responds, positioning himself over Logan until he is almost straddling his hips. "Hold this" He commands, placing a lemon wedge in between Logan's teeth, before he sprinkles salt on his pale stomach.

"Alright here we go" he smiles as he pours some of the tequila into Logan's navel, which has the brunette teacher shuddering slightly.

With one last grin at Logan Carlos dives down and licks the salt off of his stomach, then trailing his tongue down until he can taste the tequila, drinking it quickly but savouring every last drop that is on Logan's skin. Then quickly and eagerly Carlos bites the lemon between Logan's teeth, staring into Logan's eyes which hold nothing but lust, passion and desire.

Carlos then sits up, taking the lemon with him in his teeth and sucks hard, making sure no lemon is gone un consumed.

"Fuck, that was hot" Logan breathes, now rubbing his hands up and down Carlos' thighs.

"Want to do me?" Carlos questions, throwing the now drained lemon wedge across the room in the general direction of the bin by the door.

Logan raises an eyebrow at his choice of words, which has both men laughing instantly. "You know what I mean" Carlos says, placing a light slap to Logan's bare chest.

"You know what? Pass me that bottle" Logan replies. "You are way too hot, and this is taking too long" And with that Logan takes a big swig straight from the bottle of tequila.

Carlos wonders how Logan isn't dying; he himself is almost gagging slightly merely from the sight. Carlos has no idea who this Logan Mitchell is but he kind of likes him, ok well like kind of a lot likes him.

"Ahh yeah feel the burn" Logan groans, squeezing his eyes shut as he screws the lid back on the bottle.

"You are crazy" Carlos laughs in amazement as he shakes his head.

"Kiss me" Logan moans, eyes now open and leaning up towards Carlos. It takes all of about two seconds for Carlos to realise what Logan is asking him but once he has worked it through his mind he is eager to respond.

Their lips are now together, quick, hot and hungry and neither Carlos nor Logan can get enough. Logan's lips still burn from the tequila but Carlos is at that level of drunkenness where it's not a huge deal and besides, he is kissing the man he has been in love with for three years so all this is irrelevant.

Carlos brings hands to either side of Logan's face, pulling him in closer to his body (if that's even possible) and it doesn't take long until both men are positively moaning into one another's mouths.

"Fuck" Logan breathes as he begins to place kisses along Carlos' jaw line, then making his way to Carlos' neck.

"More, please" Carlos groans, now moving his hands quickly down Logan's bare torso to the buckle of his jeans.

Logan smirks against Carlos' skin and moves his hands to do the same motion. In a matter of what feels like only seconds both pairs of pants have now been discarded and they are in nothing but their boxers. Carlos begins to kiss his way down Logan's torso quickly and soon gets dangerously close to the place Logan so desperately needs to be touched that the brunette is now writhing on the sheets. When Carlos' lips meet the band of Logan's boxers he smiles to himself quickly before grabbing onto the band and completely pulling them down.

Logan gasps at the sudden air his erection is exposed to and a small part of him feels slightly embarrassed at being so exposed but the tequila soon squishes these feelings down.

"Fuck Logan" Carlos moans as he takes in the sight of Logan in all his glory.

"Mmm" Is all Logan can respond with as Carlos now kissing along the teachers inner thighs, his lips just so, so close... "Hurry up!" Logan groans.

"Easy, easy" Carlos chuckles, taking a deep breath before he then envelopes Logan's length in his mouth in one swift motion.

"Fuck!" Logan exclaims loudly, hands shooting to Carlos' hair so he can grasp the raven locks firmly.

Logan decides Carlos must be some sort of fucking throat contortionist because he has never experienced something such as this, he can physically feel his cock hitting the back of Carlos' throat and it's sending him crazy. He doesn't even need to buck too much into Carlos' mouth because Carlos has swallowed all of him anyway. Which is oh so fucking incredible.

"Shit, oh my god" Logan cries as Carlos' cheeks hallow and he begins to bob up and down on Logan's length.

"Fuck – ngh – so good. I'm so close' Logan pants, head thrown back on the pillow.

Carlos hums against Logan's throbbing erection, which is supposed to mean something along the lines of "Do it" - And that's just what Logan does.

"FUCK!" He yells, as he explodes into Carlos' mouth. Carlos continues to suck long and hard, collecting every last drop Logan has to offer and truly riding him through his orgasm.

"Oh my god, oh my god" Logan pants, eyes closed and heart beating frantically.

Carlos comes off with a satisfied pop and licks his lips slowly as he grins up at Logan on the bed.

"Did you enjoy that?"

"Oh my god you have no idea" Logan breathes. "Come here"

Carlos is quick to comply, moving up on the bed so he can seal his lips with Logan's. Their kiss is passionate and intense and Carlos feels himself falling more and more in love by the second.

"So" Carlos says, finally pulling away. "Do I get an A+ professor?"

"Even better than that" Logan says with a laugh, kissing Carlos again.

Carlos decided that he could honestly stay like this forever, with Logan's arms around his body and running circles into his back whilst their lips are sealed together. It hasn't really hit him fully yet the extent of the situation, he is sure when he wakes up tomorrow without alcohol and lust intoxicating his mind it's going to be fucking earth shattering, but right now he is just going to enjoy it.

To not giving a fuck, remember?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm back with another chapter :D Yay. **

**I like this one. I am loving the Kames relationship in this story, there's just so much sexual tension and frustration and aahh it's just great. Also the more I started to write this chapter the more Kendall's character came into view. Think of how he is in the show when he always talks back to Gustavo and has to have the last word and is incredibly headstrong ;) My favourite sort of Kendall!**

**I also want to say about this story, I'm writing it quite strangly, I don't really know how to put it... it's quite... casual. Not sure if that makes sense, but yes it's written as if someone was telling the story to their friend over lunch or something haha. So when it says in this chapter "Pathetic much?" I just want to let you know I never use the "much" phrase in my life! I'm not that lame haha. **

**What else... Oh yes, everything in this story is mine. So when Camille voices her poetic thoughts and as does Kendall they are my amazing poetic words ok? Probably why they're not great haha. The only thing I don't own is BTR themselves :( **

**I am rambling, read now! **

**P.S BUT! Has everyone seen the Windows Down video? I think I died of sexiness overload. Are they actually trying to kill me? They can't just spend the whole video shirtless, it's not fair on my health and well being. And Kendall and James play fighting in the tree just set my Kames feelings on fire. STOP BEING IN LOVE! Actually no, show us more how in love you are and stop trying to hide it. **

* * *

**Chapter Three. **

Kendall was positively excited for his next class with James the following Tuesday after the infamous party; well more excited than he normally is. Every inch of his body was buzzing in anticipation. He was slightly pissed over how things had gone; actually it was a mixture or anger and joy, the joy being on account of having kissed the love of his life. And it was perfect too, like Kendall just knew that his lips and James' lips were designed to be together... which is not corny, ok?

There were also a few reasons he was pissed. Of course there was the fact James had turned him down and said nothing would ever happen with them but maybe even more importantly than that was the way Carlos' night had panned out. Soon after James left Kendall left too, no longer feeling in the mood to party or be sociable so he went back to his dorm. His eyes quickly scanned the room for Carlos but it was too dark and there were way too many people to see if he was there so Kendall decided to just leave. As he lay in the bed and it got later and later he started to worry about where Carlos had gotten too but these thoughts were put to sleep by sleep its self.

_The next morning however..._

Kendall awoke to the sound of a slight crash and the voice of someone cursing.

"Carlos?" He mumbled, looking up to see his best friend tip toeing across the room.

"Ohh, damn" Carlos sighed, stopping in his tracks to look at Kendall full of shame.

Kendall looked over to the clock on his bedside table and saw that it read 7:15AM.

"What the hell man? Where have you been?"

"Um..." Carlos says nervously as he sits on his bed and kicks off his shoes.

"Did you get lucky last night dude?"

"Yeah... something like that" Carlos says with a furrowed brow, pulling off his jacket and jeans so he is in nothing but his boxers and t-shirt, now snuggling under the covers.

"... Are you going to tell me who?"

"Maybe later, I'm tired so I'm going to get some sleep"

"Oh come on! You ditch me at the party, make me come home alone, wake me up and then don't even tell me?" Kendall exclaims dramatically.

"Nooo Kendall, I can't" Carlos whines, turning to face the wall.

Now in a situation like this most normal people would just drop it, but Kendall isn't a normal person. Carlos can never keep anything from him for like two seconds so now is not going to be any different.

"Tell me"

"No"

"Tell me"

"No! I can't"

"So you want to tell me?"

"Of course I do"

"Then tell me"

"Kendall you are so frustrating"

"And you still love me, so tell me"

"OH MY GOD OK!" Carlos yells in frustration, sitting up to face Kendall who is now smiling quite smugly to himself. You see? Kendall always gets what he wants.

"But you can't tell anyone alright?"

"Seriously? I know like every single one of your secrets, I think you'd know by now if I was a big gossip"

"Ok, good point" Carlos sighs. "I spent the night with Logan..."

You'll just have to give Kendall a short moment here as he processes this information...

"Um... WHAT?"

"I know I know, don't freak out" Carlos says quickly. "We were talking and drinking, and then there was tequila and body shots and –"

"Body shots?" Kendall asks in disbelief.

"Yes" Carlos blushes, "Totally his idea! Anyway then we just started kissing and one thing lead to another and yeah..."

"...Did you have sex?"

"No! I swear we didn't. I just gave him head that's all"

"_Just _gave him head. Jesus Christ"

"Yeah and then we ended up falling asleep together, but when I woke up he was gone." Carlos looked kind of sad when he said that, which kind of made Kendall want to go kick Logan's ass or something... not rash at all.

"How nice of him" Kendall says with disdain.

"No it's fine, I understand. Like we both knew it was just a causal thing, and especially because he is my professor it kind of can't be anything more than that"

"Yeah but does he know you're completely in love with him anyway?"

"No, although I think he knew I had a little crush, that's how he sort of initiated things"

"Were you being too obvious?" Kendall chuckled.

"No... we were talking about... no look it doesn't matter. Just please don't say anything because he could get fired for being with me"

"It's ok I won't say anything, I just can't believe you got to hook up with him!"

"I know!" Carlos gushed, "It was so amazing. Oh! But hey, how did your night go? With talking to James?"

"Yeah well some of us weren't as lucky as others" Kendall spat, not meaning for it to come out so harsh.

"Oh really? That sucks. So you just talked about school work?"

"Well no, we did actually kiss... right after he confessed to me he had been in love with me and my writing for three years"

Carlos opens his mouth immediately to say something and looks as if he actually knew what Kendall was talking about, surely his reaction should be more shocking Kendall thinks.

"So what happened then?" Carlos asks tentatively.

"I don't want to talk about it" Kendall grumbled, now his turn to lie back down in bed and face the wall. Kendall knows it's not fair to push Carlos for his secrets then not share his own but he's tired, and sad and shitty and above all; jealous.

"Ok. Maybe later" Carlos responds in a small voice, lying down and shutting his eyes.

Yes, yes Kendall was jealous. Why could Carlos get his dream man in one night and Kendall was rejected? It's not fair. But then again, Kendall is a fighter and he's going to fight for what he wants.

_So that brings us to today_, Tuesday, Kendall's first Romantic Classics class for the week.

Kendall gets there a little bit early, because you know you can never be too eager and decides to not sit in his usual seat right up the back, instead settling for one sort of near the front but not the front row itself because that might actually be _too _eager. As the class starts to fill up Kendall's foot is now tapping at a fast rhythm on the ground below and he is trying to distract himself by writing nonsense words on his empty page.

_Let me see him. Just one more time. To see him I will know, I will know that what we have is nothing, no more. Let me see him._

Ok so maybe they are not so nonsense and Kendall is slightly insane.

"Kendall! Hi!" A familiar voice calls to his left.

"Camille!" He responds brightly, turning to face the brunette girl squeezing past people in the same row to get to Kendall.

Kendall loves Camille, in a friend sort of way, she's just great. She's funny, smart, and beautiful and always knows how to get Kendall feeling better, even if sometimes it has to be done by slapping him across his face. She was one of the first friends Kendall made at Yale when they were put together for an assignment first semester and ever since then they have been best friends, well Kendall's girl best friend anyway. Kendall thinks there might have been a small possibility of them being more than friends back in the day but before Kendall could even suggest it Camille told the blonde she "totally knew" he was crushing hard on Mr Diamond. Being more than that would have been an mistake anyway he decided.

"How was your weekend?" She smiles as she flops down in the chair next to Kendall.

Kendall shrugs. "It was ok, went to the medicine party thing with Carlos"

"Oh yeah! I was totally going to go to that but this assignment was bitching me out something chronic so I had to skip it. How was it?"

"Fine" Kendall bites, which Camille instantly picks up on.

"Whoa someone didn't have a good time. What happened?"

"Nothing Camille" Kendall smiles reassuringly, "Just got a huge hangover that's all"

"Oh ok" She says, although doesn't look as if she is entirely convinced.

Camille then continues to talk about the assignment Kendall assumes but he is barely paying attention because he can now see James walking down the stairs to the front of the lecture theatre.

Kendall's heart begins to pound and his palms begin to sweat, although don't think this is some unique thing because of what happened at the party, this is just how Kendall always is at the beginning of a lesson, pathetic much?

Kendall tries to grab James' attention straight away but it's clear that the brunette professor is doing everything in his power to avoid looking at his students.

"Good morning class" He says with a smile, looking to the back of the room. "Today I want to try something a little different. As writers we should be spontaneous, creative and never say no to our burning desires"

Kendall can't help but cough slightly at that, which he just _knows_ James heard and is pretending like it doesn't refer to himself. Surely it's hypocritical of James to say that we must give into our burning desires when James' burning desire is Kendall...

"Yes, so" He continues, "Our minds are always spinning and filled with words, phrases, ideas that are just itching to get out? Well I know my mind is anyway" James says with a laugh.

Kendall hasn't really noticed it before but as he looks around the room now he can see nearly all the girls looking like love sick puppies, resting their chins in their hands and staring at James like he is Prince Charming. It makes sense; I mean Kendall is doing the exact same thing.

"So when I point to you I just want you to say the first thing that's on your mind and not as in "I'm hungry" or "Why won't he text me back", something poetic" James smiles.

A great percent of the class instantly start to groan, there actually must be some disease because whenever a teacher says they are going to randomly pick people to talk everyone just acts like they've been told they have nine months to live. Kendall however is burning to say something, usually going out of his way to avoid any sort of in class participation but now he _really _wants to let Mr Diamond know what is on his mind, but poetically of course.

James begins to make his way around the room, pointing people at random to hear what is on their minds. Some people aren't bad; some are actually quite inspired and of course there are always the ones who get really nervous and say something silly which everyone laughs at, or should I say laughs with. But Kendall just really wants to say something and he has a sneaking suspicion that James isn't going to pick him, however eventually he does pick Camille.

"Oh um" She says nervously, giving herself a quick moment to think before she says,

"You taught me how to love; you taught me how to live; you taught me how to laugh and you taught me how to cry. But when you left, you forgot to teach me how to forget you"

Camille blushes a bright scarlet and bows her head.

"That was really good Camille" James says with a fond smile, making sure his eyes don't stray more than an inch to look at Kendall. But he totally knows Kendall is there.

"Thanks" She blushes, "You should ask Kendall, he is far more poetic than me"

_Yes! _Thinks Kendall, he will have to thank Camille later. I mean if she had done the same last week he probably would have kicked her ass or something but now it's not a bad thing, at all.

"Hmm yes" James says, forcing a smile and now having no choice but to look at Kendall. When their eyes lock it's pretty intense, there's no doubt about it. Kendall just wants to run down to the front of the lecture theatre and kiss the crap out of James but you know... self control.

"Kendall Knight is it?" James asks, looking down to avoid Kendall's intense stare.

_Are you fucking serious? Are we playing that game now?_

"Yes sir, Kendall Knight" Kendall says with disdain.

"Well go ahead; thrill us with your thoughts"

_I will fucking kill you Diamond. _

"How can I forget you when you're always on my mind? How can I not want you when you're all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart? But lately this love has turned sour; it started when you believed you had the power. Why must you control me when you act so cruel? You have certainly played me for the fool. However despite all this, you still own my heart, just please, try to not tear it apart?"

_Kendall = Winning. _

That's when things get slightly awkward, it's like someone has thrown a ball of glass in the air and it is frozen and everyone is holding their breath until it falls to the earth and shatters.

"Was that thrilling enough?" Kendall smirks, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his seat.

James' face is pretty priceless. He is completely stunned and looks like a deer caught in the headlights. There's fascination, awe, regret and even a little bit of anger flashing across his face all at once and Kendall is just dying for him to open his mouth, unfortunately it's not what he wants to hear.

"Ok good. Alright, who's next?"

And the rest of the lesson is much the same, a big old waste of time because James is completely ignoring him and he can't even concentrate long enough to focus on what James is now lecturing. It's incredibly frustrating. Screw James and his perfect hair and his perfect smile and his perfect eyes and his perfect everything. Screw him. Kendall is pissed now.

Kendall does an internal jump for joy when class is over because it means he can finally leave James' intoxicating presence.

"Hey do you have a class now?" Camille asks as they make their way to leave.

"No I have a free period, want to get a coffee or something?"

"Yeah sure" She smiles.

"Excuse me, sorry" Kendall hears from behind him and turns to see James pushing past people up the stairs to get to where Kendall is standing.

"Mr Knight, can I have a word?" James says quietly pulling Kendall to the side out of everyone's way.

"Sure, Mr Diamond" Kendall says confidently before turning to look at Camille who has stopped too. "Camille I'll meet up with you at the Ref?"

"Yep, sure" She says hesitantly, giving Kendall the "OH MY GOD" look with her eyes.

Kendall follows James back down the stairs to the front of the lecture theatre and awaits anxiously for James to talk, but it's obvious the brunette is waiting until everyone is out of the room. Kendall looks up the stairs and see's the last student leave and the door click shut, he then turns back to James and opens his mouth to talk but he is cut off.

And not cut off by James' speaking, literally cut off by James himself as their lips are now pressed together firmly. The shock makes Kendall gasp and it doesn't take long before James' tongue is now inside his mouth, exploring every inch of Kendall's wet cavern that has the blonde moaning in no time. Kendall wants to protest and put a stop to it but that's his rational thought, his impulsive thought is telling him to twine his fingers through James' soft locks and pull him in closer. James grasps Kendall firmly by the waist and brings their hips together in a delicious friction.

"Fuck" Kendall moans as James' lips trail along Kendall's jaw and neck before they are brought back up to the blondes mouth.

Kendall wants this to last forever, to freeze time and just hold James like this because he can sense what's coming, he just knows it.

"Mmm" James sighs, breaking away from Kendall finally and resting their foreheads together as he breathes heavily. "Hi Kendall"

"Oh, and yeah it's Kendall Knight, you know just in case you weren't sure" Kendall mocks, arms now resting around James' neck and the professors hands still tightly on his hips.

"Mm sorry about that" James says, regret layering his voice thickly.

"Whatever." Yeah Kendall is still pissed off but he will take what he can get.

"You know I wasn't going to talk to you at all, and then you had to go be fucking perfect with your stupid perfect words and something inside me snapped"

"Oh I'm so sorry for being poetic like you asked"

"I know you were talking about me. You know I'm not trying to play you for the fool, nor do I want to tear your heart apart"

"What is this then?"

"This is a momentarily lapse in judgement, and in 5 more seconds it's going to end"

James then begins to kiss every inch of Kendall's skin he can whilst counting down.

"Five" *Forehead* "Four" *Nose* "Three" *Cheek* "Two" *Jaw* "One" *Lips*

The kiss placed on the lips lasts for probably another five seconds, but hey who really wants to count anyway?

"Ok" James sighs regrettably, closing his eyes and using every bit of strength he has to remove his body from Kendall's. "Goodbye, see you in class tomorrow"

"You can't be serious?" Kendall says in disbelief.

"Bye Mr Knight" James smiles, turning away from the boy to sit down at the desk at the front of his class and lose himself in his papers.

Without another word Kendall turns quickly on his heel and practically runs up the stairs, taking two steps at a time to get out of the lecture theatre as fast as he can, he's absolutely fuming.

_Oh it's fucking on now Diamond, you better watch yourself because I will get you if it's the last thing I do._

* * *

**Such a tease James is. And so am I with my stories mwahahahahah. **

**Also, the cafe at my University is called "The Ref" - fun fact! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello! :) Apologies for the little wait everyone. I just finished off "Baby, You've Got Me Under Your Spell" which was emotionally traumatising for me haha, but at least now it's done I am going to completely focus on this :) And then I reckon I will continue "The Stars In My Eyes" at the same time I start a SEQUEL for "Baby, You've Got Me Under Your Spell"! :) Woo hoo to sequels. **

**So here we are with a Cargan chapter. At first it was a bit weird to write anything other than Kames but I'm actually really liking writing Cargan :) Cause they're adorable and sexual beasts it seems. They're also going to be less angsty in this fic than Kames. Cargan are pretty easy going unlike Kames (especially in this fic) where it's two alpha males who are extremely head strong fighting one against one another but neither one wanting to cave first. **

**On with the chapter! And thank you so much to all who review/alert/favourite, it means a lot :)**

* * *

**Chapter 4. **

"Holy shit" Carlos moans in pleasure as Logan's pearly white teeth sink into the soft flesh of his neck.

"I'm going to make you feel so good" Logan purrs against the tanned skin.

"Fuck, yes, fuck please" Carlos moans again, hands fisting the professors beautiful brunette hair roughly.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" The brunette whispers huskily, nimble fingers undoing the buttons on Carlos' shirt.

"Oh my god yes" Carlos gasps as Logan's soft hands connect with his bare skin.

"I want more begging than that please" Logan smirks as he slides the shirt off Carlos' strong shoulders.

"Please Logan, please" Carlos releases in almost a whine as Logan's hands are now making light work of his belt buckle and brushing against his now painfully hard member.

"Uh uh uh" Logan sing songs, "You call me Professor Mitchell"

"Oh Professor Mitchell" Carlos groans as the Professor begins to stroke Carlos long and hard.

"Yes Mr Garcia?"

"Fuck me please Professor Mitchell, all I want is for you to take me right here right now"

Logan continues to smirk as he tugs down Carlos' pants until they pool around his ankles, and then in almost a flash Logan flips Carlos around so he is now bent over the brunette males oak desk.

"Oh, Dios mío sí, por favor si la mierda!" The Latino blurts out, causing the Professor to simply smirk more as he slaps Carlos' bare ass.

"I'm going to make you scream like the little whore you are" Logan growls, unbuckling his own belt and pushing his pants down in haste before grasping onto the boys tanned hips so tightly there is sure to be a bruise in the morning.

"Yes please, oh please Professor Mitchell – PROFESSOR!"

"Carlos" Stephanie hissed, practically breaking the boys rib with the jab of her elbow.

"What? What?" Carlos said frantically, sitting up straight and experiencing one of those moments of _'Where the fuck am I?_' But then it hit him. He was in class... With his friend Steph... Logan was lecturing on neurology... Crap... it was a _dream._

Carlos blushes a deep scarlet as he remembers what the dream was about and desperately hopes he wasn't you know... Moaning or anything. However he will take it as a good sign that no one is staring at him, well apart from Steph.

"I thought I better wake you, you were starting to twitch and mumble"

"Thanks" Carlos whispers.

He hadn't meant to fall asleep but he couldn't stop thinking about Logan and the combination of hardly getting any sleep the past few nights all sort of rolled into one.

It was killing Carlos to see Logan looking all casual and carefree in class; it made him wonder whether or not the whole thing even happened... No no it definitely happened, unless he woke up with someone else's dried cum on his chest.

"Alright so before class finishes I just wanted to say I noticed from the last test we did" Logan begins, breaking Carlos out of his current fantasy of something to do with the desk and being spanked with a ruler, "That some of you aren't going as well as you should be. I want to let you know that I'm not here for you to fail, I don't set the course work for it to be hard, it's all the things we know but I understand some have a harder time focusing than others" He grins, sending the quickest of winks in Carlos' direction. But it's so quick Carlos doesn't know if he is totally imagining it... That would have to mean Logan had seen him sleeping during a lecture... awkward.

"So I just want to let you all know you can come to talk to me whenever, we can even sort out some tutoring in spare time"

_Hmm... Tutoring... Could be interesting_ Carlos thinks. _Late nights... all alone... with a desk... and maybe a ruler can be involved?_

"So please, feel free to come to my office, I have the next period available for example..."

_There it is again! That damn little wink! _

"Alright that's it for today class, see you tomorrow" Logan says with a smile, the shuffle of books and chairs already beginning to fill the room.

"Hey Carlos want to go to the library with me now before our next class? Study a bit?" Stephanie says with a warm smile as they leave the lecture theatre.

"Oh I'd love to, actually no scrap that I never want to study but if I had to study with anyone it would have to be with you" Carlos laughs, "But I'm actually busy now so I can't, I'll just see you before next class?"

"Oh ok, I'll see you then!" She says brightly, gracing Carlos with a hug before she turns to leave in the opposite direction.

Once she is out of sight Carlos whips out his phone and quickly dials the number of his trusty best friend.

"Pick up you son of a bitch" He mutters to himself as he finds himself absentmindedly walking in the direction of the Doctor's offices.

"Finally!" He groans after Kendall picks up on the fourth or fifth ring.

_"What?"_

"Whoa hey now, let's not get all sassy with Carlos please"

_"Sorry, I'm just pissed"_

"Why? What happened?"

"_Fucking James, I just had my Classics class and he wanted to see me afterwards so it was just me and him alone and then – no fuck it. I'm too enraged at the moment. What's up with you?"_

Carlos takes a second to think about the story Kendall just began to tell, questions burning on the tip of his tongue but he won't push it, he'll just burden Kendall with his own problems for now, which is totally fair right?

"Ok... I'll get it out of you tonight. But anyway. So I just had Neurology with Logan and I fell asleep..."

"_Ha you fell asleep? Idiot"_

"Kendall I will smack you when you get home tonight"

_"Ooh I'm so scared!"_

"Prepare yourself young man, it's totally on"

"_I look forward to it..."_

Carlos sighs, pinching the bridge between his nose before he speaks. "Hey Kendall can you remind me again why the two of us don't just fuck and be together?"

Carlos hears Kendall laugh his ridiculous laugh on the other line before he responds. _"Maybe because you're my best friend and you're not you know... tall... have silky brunette hair... hazel eyes... teach my English class..."_

"Fair point" Carlos smiles in response, even though he knows Kendall can't see him.

_"Now hurry the fuck up and tell me why you're calling me. I do have like a life I have to get to"_

"Yeah yeah whatever Arts student... pfft as if you have anything to do but sit on the grass with your friends talking about life, love and really just bumming around and calling it a degree" Carlos giggles.

_"What time will you be home tonight?"_

"Um about 5:00 why?" Carlos chuckles.

"_Ok I'll pencil in a 5:01 ass whooping in my diary for Carlos Garcia then shall I?"_

Carlos can't help but throw his head back in laughter, earning a few glances from walkers by. "You are so ridiculous. Now, fuck, my story, stop interrupting me you jerk. I have a Professor problem"

_"Did you suck him off again or something?"_

"No! Don't be crude. It's a bit weird... So I was in class sleeping and having the most amazing dream ever! Which sort of consisted of a desk, being bent over, Logan and –"

_"La la la la! Not listening! Poisoning your best friends ears here!"_

"Shut up, at least I'm not the one who talks in my sleep. '_Oh yeah Professor Diamond... oh yeah right there, fuck yeah'"_

Not that Carlos can tell but he is like 99% sure Kendall is blushing.

"_I will kill you! And I swear I am going to hang up in the next two seconds if you don't get on with the story"_

"Fine! Ok sassy pants geez. So Steph woke me up because apparently I was beginning to moan or whatever, embarrassing, but then Logan was talking about how he says he's available to help out anyone who is having trouble with like tutoring and stuff and people who don't pay attention in lectures and he totally winked at me when he said that! And then he was saying how he has this period now free if anyone wanted to come see him and he winked at me again! Do you think he wants to see me like right now?"

_"Um... I reckon. I mean he's doing it in a retarded way, because he could just come talk to you, but I dunno. What are you going to do?"_

"I don't know! That's why I'm calling you!"

_"Ok settle down princess. Just go see him... even if it's awkward and he completely ignores what happened on Saturday night you'll at least get some tutoring out of it"_

"But that's just the thing Kendall. What if it's totally awkward?"

"_Look I just say you go and see him alright? Just get the awkwardness out of the way now. It will be better once you do"_

"Ok if I go see him you have to spill your heart to me tonight. I want to know everything detail about James, the party, what happened today, everything"

_"Fine. But I'll probably want to punch a wall by the end"_

"That's fine, I think the college covers most damages made to dorm rooms"

Carlos hears Kendall laugh on the other line. "_You're an idiot. I'm hanging up now so you can go fulfil your fucking on a desk fantasy with Logan"_

"Fiiine. I'll see you for the 5:01 ass whooping"

_"You bet! Bye bye"_

"Oh wait before you go! Kendall?"

_"What?"_

_"_LOVE YOU!"

"_Idiot. Love you too!"_

Carlos grins as the phone disconnects and he places it back in his pocket. He and Kendall are such retards together, but hey, what are best friends for?

Carlos now finds himself standing outside Logan's office after what has been a good 15 minutes since class so Logan must be back by now and he is almost paralysed with fear. It's going to be awkward, he knows it.

_Deep breaths Carlos deep breaths_. *knock knock knock*

"Come in!" He hears the sweet voice call from the other side.

"Um hi" Carlos says nervously, poking his head around the door. "Can I come in?"

Logan simply stares for what feels like an eternity, but his expression is pretty unreadable. It's sort of like shock, fear, maybe a bit of awkwardness but there's definitely some desire and lust in there.

"Yep sure!" Logan says quickly, standing from the seat at his desk and coming round to open the door fully for Carlos. "What can I help you with?"

"Um" Carlos replies nervously, following Logan into the small office that is completely littered with books, papers and even a medical skeleton in the corner. It's actually pretty nice, it's so... Logan. The large desk (which pretty much exactly fits Carlos' fantasy) is matching the hardwood book cases that line the shelves, the soft lighting and even small fire place in the corner that looks as if it has been unused for half a decade but none the less provides a very warm feel to the room. Carlos sort of just wants to jump on Logan and sit in front of the fire together on Logan's big leather desk chair but that would be totally weird so stop thinking such fluffy things, it's melting Carlos' heart.

"Um I just noticed in Neurology you mentioned about tutoring?"

"Oh yes! Are you struggling Carlos? Your test results say otherwise" Logan smiles kindly, gesturing for Carlos to take a take a seat in the chair in front of his desk as he himself takes a seat in his own.

"Oh well not really... I just sort of wanted to... ok fuck this. I wanted to talk to you about Saturday"

"Oh, um, oh" Logan says awkwardly, straightening in his chair. "Look Carlos..."

"Ok well I get it... It's obvious you don't want anything to do with me which is fine, but can you not ignore it? Can we just sort of talk about the awkwardness now and then go back to being student and teacher?"

"No, no it's not like that. I don't want to ignore you. It's just..." Logan lets out a large sigh, standing from his seat and rounding the desk and pushing some books out of the way so he can sit on it directly in front of Carlos. "I don't want to pretend you don't exist, or what happened didn't happen or anything"

"...Ok? Well what do you want to happen?" Carlos asks nervously.

"Well... I think you're really cute" Logan smiles, reaching down to take Carlos' hands in his own.

Carlos' breath hitches in his throat at Logan's hands now caressing his own. "And?"

"And I've pretty much thought about you every second since Saturday night"

"And?"

"And I just can't get over the feel of you and you're mouth" Logan chuckles nervously, absentmindedly playing with Carlos' fingers.

"... But?"

"But..." Logan sighs, "It's just... you're a student of mine... I'm your teacher. Student teacher relationships are a huge no no at Yale"

"Yeah I know but..."

"I would lose my job and most likely never be hired at any college in the United States again"

"That's a little dramatic!" Carlos laughs, "But seriously, you're right I don't want you to get fired. And I wouldn't want to get kicked out or anything..."

"Exactly" Logan says sadly. "And please don't pout at me like that! I think those big chocolate eyes of yours could be my kryptonite"

Carlos giggles slightly, bowing his head to look at his lap.

"Ok how about this" Logan says suddenly, catching Carlos' attention once more. "How about... ok I'm going to regret this, but how about you come over to my house for dinner tonight?"

Carlos' jaw drops open slowly at the proposal Logan has just made. "Really? But what about the whole relationship thing..."

"Hey I'm not asking you over to do anything we shouldn't, just dinner. If anything I'd love to get to know you, I really like you Carlos and I don't want to miss out on the opportunity of knowing you"

" You're so strange. At the party you were all like _"Oooh no Kendall and James can't be together cause it's bad!"_ and then you suggest body shots and I suck your dick, and now you're all _"We can't be together"_ and now you're inviting me to your _house" _

"I promise there will be no dick sucking ok! This will just be a dinner between friends!"

"But what if I want there to be dick sucking?" Carlos grins, taking one of his hands from Logan's hold and beginning to rub it slowly up the brunette's thigh.

"Please don't" Logan says, a small moan escaping his lips. "Just dinner ok?"

"Fine" Carlos sighs, removing his hand and placing it back in Logan's eagerly awaiting grasp once more. So friends hold hands all cute and what not and that's fine? Makes sense... No it doesn't.

"Oh but wait, you live with James don't you? Oh and I have plans with Kendall... Sort of. If you count him hitting me on the ass a plan"

"Um... what?" Logan says sceptically, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Don't worry" Carlos chuckles. "I would feel bad to ditch on him though... He's been really shitty since the weekend. Oh hey did James tell you anything about what happened on Saturday?"

Logan's lips purse together in a hard line as he frowns slightly. "Yes... but it doesn't really seem my place to share. Ok look how about... oh god here I go making more regrets, how about you bring Kendall? The four of us will have dinner? James and I will cook; we're pretty amazing cooks I'm not going to lie to you" Logan chuckles.

"That actually sounds pretty nice" Carlos smiles, "But one small problem"

"What's that?"

"I think to get Kendall there I would have to club him over the head and drag him. I don't think he's so happy with James at the moment"

"Trust me" Logan says softly, leaning in so their faces are inches apart "Bring him, it will be fine. And if you get there and I don't answer the door it means James has killed me. Because he most likely will. Maybe I won't tell him Kendall is coming..."

"And maybe I won't tell Kendall where we are going for dinner..."

"And then watch it all explode when I open the front door tonight... woo hoo!" Logan says with fake excitement. "Ok let's keep it a surprise for the both of them... It will be fine. It's not like James would storm out, or lock himself in his room or – oh no wait that is something James would do. I know you spoke to him for like 5 seconds on Saturday night but he's like the moodiest, most dramatic person in the world" Logan laughs.

"So is Kendall! So I figure they are perfect for each other" Carlos laughs in return.

"Hey but remember, just a dinner between friends? We're not trying to get Kendall or James to hook up or anything"

"Ok fine. But I'm not going to interfere when they start ripping each others clothes off in the middle of your living room"

"Not going to happen!" Logan exclaims dramatically, causing the two to laugh. "Ok well I better let you go"

"Ok" Carlos sighs regretfully. "Oh hey where do you live?"

"Oh it's not far I'll write it down for you" Logan says as he releases Carlos' hands and hops off the desk, grabbing a scrap piece of paper to jot down his address. "Here you go, and come at about 7:00?"

"Thanks, 7:00 sounds good" Carlos smiles, placing the small paper into his pocket. "I'll see you tonight then... What are you going to make?"

"Hmm... it will be a surprise! Is there any food you and Kendall just really can't have or anything?"

"Um Kendall and I are disgusting when it comes to food and will inhale anything you give us, actually I'm pretty sure there will be no worries about sexual desires after you watch us eat"

"You're so funny" Logan laughs as he places his hand on the doorknob.

"Do I get a friendly goodbye kiss?" Carlos asks innocently before Logan opens the door.

"Fine" Logan sighs, leaning forward to place a kiss on Carlos' cheek but at the last minute Carlos turns his head so their lips connect.

Logan jolts back quickly in a mixture of surprise and what feels like pure electricity coursing through his veins when their lips connected, even if it was only for a second.

"Behave yourself Mr Garcia" He smiles.

"I'll try Mr Mitchell" Carlos grins in return, "See you tonight!'

"Bye" Logan says with the largest of smiles on his face as Carlos leaves his office.

Carlos has to stop himself from physically jumping with glee once he is out of Logan's office. Ok so maybe it's not exactly how he wanted things to go... I mean there was no ass spanking with a ruler... Which is honestly a huge shame but hey at least he gets a super cute dinner date out of it right? And at Logan's house no less! It makes more sense I guess, not to go out in public or anything, but still! It's also a double date... sort of... which will just consist of Kendall wanting to kill Carlos the whole time, well that's if he even stays long enough for the meal.

"Pick up you tard why do you always take so long – oh hey Kendall!" Carlos says brightly into his phone as he walks through campus towards his next class.

_"How did things go with your lover? I don't hear you panting from exhaustion so I can only guess no desk sex fantasies were achieved?"_

"No. Shut up, let's not talk about

Logan. I was calling to tell you were going out for dinner tonight"

* * *

**Review? :) **

**Oh and I just remembered! I am going on holiday the day after tomorrow for over a week and I'm bringing my laptop but I have no idea if I'll be able to update or not... but if worse comes to worse I'll sit by the pool in the sun with my laptop and write ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Another chapter! Yep! :) I really wanted to update again before I went on my vacation tomorrow, actually techincally I have to be awake in three hours to catch my flight... But we ignore that. **

**I'm so happy you're all enjoying this! :) I love all your reviews, they're awesome. **

**This chapter, and in fact this whole story, was/is fun to write :P And the next chapter is going to be even FUNNER! Funner... is that a word? More fun? (asks the girl who is majoring in English at university lol) **

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Chapter 5. **

"So um whose house are we going to exactly?" Kendall questions as Carlos pulls his car up on the curb in front of an extremely nice looking two storey brick house with vines wrapping themselves around the edges, creeping towards the white window frames on the house and a front lawn abundant with fallen leaves from the large maple tree. It was kind of perfect.

"Just a friends..." Carlos says casually as he steps out of the car.

"Um a really wealthy friend it seems" Kendall responds as he begins to walk up the driveway, kicking the leaves as he goes.

"Actually yeah, I didn't expect that"

"Ok so I'm going to guess this is some medicine student whose parents are also doctors are something"

"Um... not exactly"

"Do I know this person?"

"Yes, you know these _people" _

"Ah so it's more than one person... Ok well I'll get excited now!" Kendall grins happily, jumping up the few short steps of the porch to the front door.

Carlos takes a deep breath as he follows Kendall up the steps and gives himself a few seconds to breathe before ringing the doorbell.

"Hey buddy, don't hate me?" Carlos says nervously as he hears someone coming to the door.

"Why would I hate –" Kendall begins to say but is silenced once the door is swung open.

"Carlos! Kendall! Hi!" Logan says brightly, leaning forward to give Carlos the quickest of hugs. "Well please come in"

"Hi Logan" Carlos says with a smile, stepping pass the short brunette and into the house but Kendall is very much still implanted on the doorstep.

It's not that he's mad at Carlos; it's more he's fucking furious at Carlos. Seriously is this a joke? Because it's not very funny and Kendall would kind of appreciate it if it stopped. Oh and the worst thing is, which Kendall doesn't even know yet, James lives here. I guess him and James haven't really spoken that much so little does Kendall know what he is actually walking in on. Right now he just thinks it's fucking weird he's been invited on some sort of date. Third wheel anyone?

"Come on Kendall" Carlos laughs, grabbing Kendall by the hand and physically pulling him through the door.

"Carlos what the hell?" Kendall whispers angrily as he takes off his coat and hangs it on the rack by the door. "Am I going to be third wheeling or something?"

"Um... not exactly" Carlos replies nervously, looking over to Logan who is standing in the hallway with his hands shoved in his jeans pockets. "Logan, did you tell him?"

"Ah... no" Logan replies nervously. "I just told him some friends were coming over for dinner"

"What? Tell who?" Kendall questions, anger and confusion growing by the minute.

"You'll find out in about 10 seconds, if you want to follow me" Logan says with a small smile, motioning for the boys to follow him down the long hallway.

Kendall can't even distract himself from the beautiful house, with its hardwood floors, white banisters spiralling up a staircase and all the pieces of stunning yet subtle art on the walls. Something that smells amazing hits Kendall's nose as the approach a large oak door at the end of the hall so he assumes they are heading to the kitchen, or the living room or you know how some houses have like the kitchen that connects to the living room? Kendall is going to have something like that when he eventually owns his house because it's like the TV and fridge are all in one convenient location.

"Hey Kendall?" Logan says as he places his hand on the doorknob. "Don't freak out?"

Hey Logan here's a tip; don't tell someone to not freak out when they're kind of already freaking out.

"Ok..." Kendall replies hesitantly.

So the first thing Kendall notices about the room they have entered is that it's an incredibly nice, open, warm living room with yes the kitchen to the left although you can't really see it from where Kendall is standing. The large plush red couches, the fire place, the bookshelves which look to have every book known to man on them, the similar stylish pieces of art hanging the walls, the large double glass doors that look like they go out to a backyard with what looks like... oh sweet a pool. Although who would have a pool in New Haven? It would have to be heated surely. There's no denying it's an incredible house, it's the sort of house you just want to tuck up on the couch under a blanket with a book or maybe your partner by the fire and just be cute.

There's one important thing Kendall hasn't noticed yet, and that thing is currently standing in the kitchen blocked from Kendall's view.

"Come say hi to our guests Jay" Logan calls around the corner.

Jay? Who the fuck is Jay?

"Ooh yes our guests!" The voice replies excitedly.

Kendall knows that voice... Fuck, Carlos is _so _dead.

"So who are these exciting –"

So yeah... it's James. Someone pass Kendall a baseball bat so he can swing at himself across the head, well not before he knocks Carlos one. James is also experiencing a similar moment of "I'm going to kill my best friend" it seems. The way he is now looking between Kendall and Logan in anger and also confusion.

"Um... hi" James mumbles giving them the fakest of smiles. "Um Logan, may I see you in the dining room for a second please? Just give us two seconds boys" James asks sweetly, grabbing Logan by the wrist and pulling him around the corner of the living room to a set of large, white French doors that presumably open up into the dining room James speaks of.

Once James has slammed the doors behind him Kendall rounds on Carlos with a look of complete and utter fury. "WHAT THE HELL?" He yells.

"Shh!" Carlos mumbles, looking past Kendall's shoulder to the closed French doors.

"Carlos I will fucking kill you. What the fuck?"

"Kendall I'm sorry ok! You know how I went to see Logan? Well he said we couldn't do anything with each other cause of the schools laws and stuff but he really wanted to be friends and he invited me over for dinner and invited you as well cause him and James live together. We both thought it would be nice for us all to get to know each other a little better"

"Oh my god Carlos I swear to God I'm going to chop off that pretty little Latino head of yours. I don't _want _to be friends with James"

"Sure you do!"

"No, I really don't"

"What happened to being completely in love with him?"

"Ugh you don't get it do you?" Kendall groans, "James and I are beginning to play this crazy game of cat and mouse and coming to his house kind of crosses some of these barriers"

"You're so weird. Can't you just be friendly towards one another? Surely if you like him and he likes you, you will be civilised?"

"Carlos do you not know me? Have you not been my friend since forever? I _love _games. You know if I want something I melt some brains to get it"

"Yes I know, hence the 'you're so weird' statement"

"And I'm learning James is exactly the same, we're not going to give up without a fight. We both want each other but we're in like an intense game of... well yeah like I said cat and mouse, or maybe chicken"

"Chicken?"

"Yeah you know chicken, where we are both too headstrong to cave first, and we'll both just keep pushing each other because neither one wants to snap"

"Once again, you're SO weird. Can you please just stay and have a nice night?"

"Carlos I can't sit at a dinner table with him. We kissed today after class, he totally initiated it but then he just pulled away and was like "Ok sorry that was a lapse in judgement, goodbye" – I'm pissed dude!"

"Please don't be difficult. Look I'm sorry I didn't tell you where we were going but I'm not leaving and I have the car keys"

"Fine. I'll walk, see you later" Kendall says angrily, turning to leave but before he can he hears the French doors slide open.

"Kendall, don't leave" Logan says quickly, moving over to where he and Carlos are standing.

Kendall releases an exasperated over the top sigh and turns back around, looking between Carlos and Logan and their big puppy dog eyes. Damn them for being small and adorable. He then looks to James, who isn't even looking at him at all, merely has his arms crossed and is staring at the floor like a child who has been told off.

Purely seeing James so pissed off is actually sort of enough for Kendall. "Ok, I'll stay. Sorry for being rude"

"It's fine" Logan smiles. "Now, I hope you boys are hungry"

"Starving!" Carlos smiles, following Logan around the corner to the kitchen.

Kendall feels so awkward, _so so so _awkward. Carlos and Logan get along like a house on fire, laughing and chatting and just generally looking like some adorable married couple as Logan gets Carlos to sample bits of their dinner by feeding him with a fucking spoon whist Kendall just stands there awkwardly and James busies himself in the kitchen trying to ignore the whole situation.

"So Kendall, how was university today for you?" Logan asks, clearly noticing how uncomfortable Kendall is.

"Oh well it was ok. Nothing too exciting, all though there was this one thing that happened in Classics class"

"Shit!" James suddenly yells, jumping back from the stove. "Fucking burnt my fucking hand on the hot plate. Fuck!"

"Alright settle down settle down" Logan soothes, going to James' side to inspect his hand. "It doesn't look too bad, just run it under water and I'll go get the soothing gel stuff that you seem to use every second day you klutz. You're like my child."

"Shut up" James mumbles, a small grin playing on the corner of his lips. "Logie it hurts"

"I know it does Jay, does Logie need to kiss it better?" Logan smirks, lifting James' hand to his lips to give it a kiss. "Now, go run it under water"

"Yes Mum!" James says with a smile, leaning forward to kiss Logan on the cheek.

"Be right back" Logan smiles at the two boys who are both staring at James and Logan in amazement before he slips out of the room.

Is Kendall missing something? He just... I just... what? Jay? Logie? Kiss it better? Cute little smiles? Kisses on the cheek?

"I hope your hand is ok James" Carlos says nicely, moving out the way slightly so James can shove his hand in the sink and turn on the tap.

"Thanks Carlos" He responds with a kind smile, wincing slightly as the cool water hits his hand.

"So James" Kendall says suddenly leaning on the counter, "How long have you known Logan?"

"Forever. We met in pre kinder, we've been best friends ever since" James says with a controlled voice, not looking up from the sink.

"Best friends huh? Cute. You seem like very close best friends..."

"No Kendall were not dating" James replies flatly.

"What?"

"I know where you are going with this, and no Logan and I aren't in a relationship. Were just very affectionate"

"You can say that again" Kendall mutters.

"Look" James says angrily, lifting his hazel eyes to bore into Kendall's green ones. "I'm sure if you burnt yourself Carlos would take care of you"

"Yeah but I wouldn't be giving him kisses on the cheek to say thank you!"

"Actually Kendall you probably would" Carlos interjects with a shrug.

"Not helping Carlos!"

"Aww!" Carlos coos and then without much warning leans over the counter to give Kendall a big kiss on the lips. "Love you!"

"Carlos!" Kendall groans, leaning backwards and rolling his eyes.

"Um..." Logan says from behind Carlos who must have just witnesses the super gayness that is Kendall and Carlos.

"Sorry Logan" Carlos giggles "I was just trying to prove a point to Kendall, he was being a dick to James"

"Was not" Kendall grumbles, crossing his arms in defiance.

"Were too!" Carlos says as he pokes out his tongue in Kendall's direction.

"You too are like children" Logan chuckles, shaking his head fondly.

"Yes, they are like children. They're only what, 21? And were 28. They're barely adults"

Ouch.

"And yet you're the one acting like a four year old" Logan says angrily before he whacks James over the back of the head with the magazine that had been sitting on the counter.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"For being a douche. Now, give me your hand" Logan sighs.

Kendall has to admit that watching Logan and James is pretty funny, they're like a sitcom.

"Ok here you go you big baby" Logan grumbles after he has applied what appears to be anti burn gel to James' hand. "Now, Kendall and James to the dinner table and Carlos would you be able to help me with the rest of the dinner?"

"Sure!" Carlos smiles happily.

"I'll help to" James says, reaching for the top cupboards.

"No you won't, go and sit down with Kendall" Logan orders, shoving the tall brunette out of the kitchen.

"Fine!" James whines, "Come on Kendall"

Kendall follows James through the French doors he disappeared behind earlier and is graced with the sight of one fancy dining room, I mean seriously, could their house be any nicer?

"Wow, nice" Kendall compliments, taking a seat in one of the fancy wooden chairs.

"We don't always eat at the dinner table. Usually just at the kitchen counter or even in front of the TV" James says casually, taking the spot next to Kendall.

Kendall merely nods, looking around the room and admiring his surroundings. As far as he is concerned James isn't there, he knows ignoring people is childish but James did just say before he was like a child so it's fair.

"Ok, can you talk to me please?" James says after a few minutes, the power in his voice forcing Kendall to look at him.

"What do you want me to say?" Kendall replies, voice cocky and confident.

"Can we just get along? I don't even know why were fighting, or whatever it is we're doing"

"You started it, don't blame me"

"Oh please, like you're innocent? I know you're upset with how things turned out today after class, and I'm sorry that was my fault, but you're not exactly making my life any easier"

"Hey I didn't ask to come here alright? I didn't know I was coming to your house, Carlos sort of sprung it upon me"

"So did Logan, you were the last person I expected him to invite round for dinner"

"You and Logan are so funny" Kendall says suddenly, involuntarily changing the subject.

"What do you mean?" James asks, cocking his head sideways in amusement.

"Well at school you're pretty straight lined, like a really good professor who does his job well and really nice but not all dramatic and cute. You and Logan fight like an old married couple"

"We do not" James smiles.

"Do to. It's cute though, I guess Carlos and I are the same"

James simply smiles for a minute, looking at Kendall questioningly as he looks for the right words to say. "I don't want to fight with you Kendall" He says finally. "I know we haven't gotten off to the best start, but I do want us to get along"

"Same" Kendall sighs, "But it doesn't help when you ask to see me after class to attack my lips"

"Mm sorry about that. You're making my life very hard Kendall Knight"

"How so?"

"Well right now for example I want to do three different things and I'll tell you them in order of what I want to do the least to what I want to do the most. Firstly, I want to ignore you and just generally be an asshole. Secondly, I want to get along with you and be friends and have a nice dinner tonight..."

"And thirdly?"

James smiles and leans in closely to Kendall, placing one hand on the blonde boys thigh. "Well thirdly... Thirdly I want to kiss you, kiss you so hard you see stars, and then take you to my bedroom which is literally right up there" James whispers huskily, eyes gesturing to the ceiling above.

Kendall shivers at their close proximity, James' hand on his thigh and most importantly what James has just said.

"And you say I make your life hard? Can you just make up your mind what you want? Because seriously I will kiss you back if you were to kiss me now and be running to your room faster than you can say "sex""

"Sounds fun..." James grins.

So close... Lips so close... Mouth so close... Fucking bedroom so close...

"To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" Kendall says with a smirk.

"Using Shakespeare in relation to our situation, I love it" James smirks right on back. "But you're basically implying whether to die or not"

"Exactly" Kendall grins.

The sexual tension is reaching a breaking point, its hanging thick in the air like smoke and it's all you can taste.

"Maybe..." James whispers, lips now hovering over Kendall's "Maybe just one little kiss..."

Yes, do it, do it James. Kiss him. Please for the love of God kiss him. So close, so close... and here we –

"No!" Logan yells, practically running around the side of the table to rip James away from Kendall.

"Damn it Logan!" James yells back, shooting daggers at his best friend. "We were kind of in the middle of something!"

"No! What did I tell you James? No kissing Kendall!"

"Logan, I can kiss whoever I want to kiss!"

"Um no, remember what you told me when I got home this afternoon? You said you would rather me chain you to a chair at the bottom of the ocean than let you kiss Kendall"

"Wow, you said that?" Kendall finally interrupts now his mind isn't all filled with the smell of James' sweet, intoxicating skin.

"It's not like that Kendall" James says with a smile, placing his hand back on Kendall's thigh. "Logan is actually not telling you most of the story. He's missing the bit on how just before I said that I ranted for about 20 minutes on how much I'm in love with you and how irresistible you are and that in order to be strong he would have to chain me to a chair because you're fucking amazing and sexy and brilliant and dammit I want to kiss you SO badly right now"

Kendall kind help but smile at that, I mean it's not Shakespeare but it will do.

"But James" Logan groans, trying to win back the brunettes attention. "You can't be with him! It's not that I have anything against Kendall, in fact I think you two are perfect for each other but can't you just wait until he is no longer a student at Yale?"

"I've done my waiting! It only took like three years to actually figure out who he was. And besides, this is all your fault! You're the one who invited the boy toys over for dinner!"

"Boy toys?" Kendall interjects with a frown.

"Don't worry" James laughs before putting the glare back on his perfect features for Logan. "You're not exactly innocent; I know you want to get into Carlos' pants! In fact you already have so technically you're worse than me!"

"James that is totally –"

"Enough!"

Three sets of eyes now stare at the Latino boy standing in the doorway holding a stack of plates.

"Logan and James have made a really nice dinner and were going to eat it like men and not argue like children, got it? Now Logan, come help me with the rest of the stuff"

"Yes Carlos! Coming!" Logan says quickly, running out of the room to join Carlos.

"Wow... he's so whipped" James chuckles, turning his attention back to Kendall.

"So what do we do now?" Kendall asks, placing a hand over the top of the one James has resting on the table.

James smiles at the touch and holds Kendall's hand tight. "Well here's how I see it. If we are together it will be wrong, inappropriate, against the rules, it will have to be secret and no one is going to approve, especially not Logan"

"You know that actually makes it sound more exciting" Kendall grins with a twinkle in his eye.

"I agree" James grins "But it's going to be tough... At least until the end of the year"

"I know... but we can make it work right?"

"How about we get through dinner first and talk about it afterwards, deal?"

"Deal" Kendall smiles. "I'm going to kiss you now before they get back ok? I'm dying to"

"Good" James smiles as Kendall brings their lips together in a quick yet heated kiss.

They both know they should stop but it's like their lips have been starved and they need one another's for sustenance. Kendall could kiss James forever.

"Oh my god" Logan groans as he enters the room, causing James and Kendall to break apart from one another quickly. "I give up!"

"Good" James grins, leaning forward to kiss Kendall again.

"No enough of that! Its dinner time now" Logan complains, placing plates and cutlery on the placemats.

"This looks so good" Carlos practically drools, placing the large tray of what appears to be some sort of meat in the middle of the table.

"You can thank James for that" Logan smiles, "James tell them what it is whilst I go grab the salad"

"Well boys it's a traditional Diamond recipe, passed down through generations and generations of –"

"That's a lie!" Logan yells from the other room. "He found it in Women's Weekly!'

"Logie Bear! C'mon! Be cool!" James yells back as both Carlos and Kendall laugh.

"Anyway, it's grilled honey soy beef tenderloins and Logan made a grilled peach salad which is incredible, but don't tell him I said that, it will give him a big head"

"I heard that!" Logan calls.

All three boys at the dinner table are laughing now as Logan enters the room carrying a bowl of the most amazing looking salad Kendall has ever seen, between that and the beef his mouth is positively watering.

"Oh drinks! What do you boys want to drink?" James asks as he stands from the table.

"Whatever you're having" Kendall smiles.

"Alright well Logan and I will be having red wine, is that fine?"

"Yep" Carlos and Kendall say in unison.

"Let me propose a cheers" James says once all the glasses are filled and the food has been dished up. "To... new found friendship"

"Friendship" They chorus before taking a sip.

"Alright, now dig in" Logan says and Kendall and Carlos are quick to comply.

"Oh my god" Carlos moans after he takes the first bite. "This is incredible!"

"Holy shit" Kendall moans as well, which causes James to cough on his wine. "What?"

"Please don't make noises like that, it makes me picture you in all these situations..."

"Oh my god" Logan groans, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "Not at the dinner table please, you're so inappropriate, you shouldn't be picturing Kendall like that"

"Hey Logan remember that time Carlos gave you head on the weekend?"

Carlos and Logan both choke on their mouthfuls and flush a deep red whilst all Kendall can do is laugh and James can only smirk.

"Shut up and eat" Logan mumbles into his salad, giving an apologetic smile to Carlos.

Dinner is actually pretty good, well more than good, pretty amazing. The food is amazing, the conversation is amazing and they all get on like they've been best friends for years. Even Logan and Kendall break off in their own conversation whilst James and Carlos do the same. They should have been doing this a long time ago.

Once they have finished the food the conversation still flows and so does the wine. By now James has his hand rested on Kendall's leg and Kendall is holding it there softly, playing with the lines on the back of the brunette's strong hand.

"You know what we should do?" James says casually when there is a short lull in conversation.

"What?" Carlos asks eagerly.

Kendall can't help but grin. Logan and Carlos are all about no student teacher relationships but Carlos is almost subconsciously sitting in Logan's lap by the way their chairs have become so close, Logan's arm is around Carlos' chair and Carlos is pretty much leaning on Logan's shoulder. They're just so cute it hurts.

"I don't know if you guys noticed, but we have a pool..." James grins mischievously

Both Kendall and Carlos' eyes instantly light up in interest.

"No James" Logan says as he rolls his eyes. "It's not exactly pool weather"

"Logan it's heated" James says as he purposely mimics Logan's signature eye roll, "And also..." He says as he leans closer to Kendall so he is almost whispering in his ear but still loud enough for Carlos and Logan to hear. "We have a hot tub"

"Alright, were going swimming!" Kendall says quickly, jumping up and taking James' hand in his. "Oh but we don't have bathers..."

"That's alright because I wasn't planning on wearing mine away" James says seductively against Kendall's neck before his teeth nip at the pale skin.

"James! Boundaries!" Logan says loudly but Kendall doesn't care, all there is right now is the feel of James' mouth on his neck and he knows if it doesn't stop he's going to be tenting in his trousers at any minute.

"So you're in?" James smirks.

"Duh. Carlos? Logan?" Kendall asks, trying to resist wrapping his arms around James' neck and kissing the crap out of him.

"Well I want to!" Carlos says excitedly. "And I am NOT going in with just those two, not if I don't want to give myself permanent mental scaring, so Logan you have to come and keep me entertained" Carlos grins.

"Logan, if you say no to that I swear I'LL be fucking Carlos in the pool" James exclaims.

"Hey!" The other three all chorus at the same time, James earning himself a light slap on the chest from Kendall.

"Kidding" James grins. "But seriously, come on"

"Fine!" He sighs defeated, although was he seriously going to say no to Carlos? Unlikely.

"Wicked!" James says excitedly, "So... the last one to the pool has to do the dishes later!"

And with that James is out of the room in a sprint, laughing as he goes and throwing his shirt on the floor.

"He's such a child" Logan laughs fondly. "But seriously... see ya!" Logan laughs; waving at the two boys left standing in the dining room as he undoes the belt on his jeans running through the living room.

"Well you heard him... don't want to be last!" Carlos grins but before he even has a chance to leave Kendall is on the other side of the table and running fast towards the back door, yelling somthing along the lines of "Victory will be mine!"

Carlos groans, staring at the array of dirty dishes on the table but then he remembers Logan is waiting for him in the pool naked so it's all good.

* * *

**Prepare your precious eyes for the next chapter, shit is going to get diiiiiiirty. **

**Haha :P **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! I have returned from vacation! :) And it was great. I needed a break from life. Although it did sort of put a hold on my BTR life because I didn't have internet except for my phone. But I'm all up to date now... I hope :) Big Time Double Date... Awesome! Although not enough Kames for my liking. **

**Now, on with the story. Major smut got put on hold because I ended up getting carried away with Kendall and Logan talking. I didn't mean to but once I started I couldn't stop because there was a lot they wanted to say to eachother. BUT there is some sexiness to keep you satisifed haha and trust me the next chapter pushes all the boundries... I know this because I've already written it :P That was a good thing about vacation, I wrote so much. **

**Also I started the sequel to Baby, You've Got Me Under Your Spell :) Are you guys ready to put your hearts through emotional trauma again? Haha. **

**I've also got a new story in the works I started whilst on vacation... Already got about three chapters. It's about Kendall being sent to a treatment centre for the mentally unstable and he has schizophrenia/split personality disorder... So there's Kendall and then there is his other side Ken... it's pretty awesome haha. But maybe I should finish this first? :P**

**This is Kendall focused chapter... again. I love him, ok?**

* * *

**Chapter 6. **

"No that's not fair!" Carlos whines. "I shouldn't have to go get the beers if I'm also the one who has to do the cleaning up!"

"Hey Carlos rules are rules" James shrugs with a smile, "If you're last to the pool it means you basically have to do everything"

Kendall laughs as Carlos pouts and shoves a face full of water in James' direction.

"You can spray me with as much water as you want but you're still getting those beers!"

"Ok... what if I drown you?"

"What –" James doesn't really have much of a chance to continue talking as Carlos has now leapt at him and shoved his head under the water and now the fight is on.

"It's like watching two kids fight" Logan chuckles, leaning against the pool wall next to Kendall.

"I know right?" Kendall smiles in return. "I never thought I would see my best friend and my professor, crush, love of my life... person, play fighting in a pool, it's good to see they get along though"

"Yeah it is good" Logan smiles fondly. "I really do feel like those beers though... maybe I should just go get them"

"I'll come with you" Kendall chuckles, turning away from the way James' muscles are flexing as he fights with Carlos, water dripping down his chiselled torso, hair slicked back messily... fuck, James is too attractive for his own good. No one should let that man ever go near water, shirtless, ever.

Kendall and Logan both avert their eyes to one another once they step out of the pool, quickly grabbing their boxers which were strewn close to the pools edge.

"Hey where are you two going?" James asks with a cocked eyebrow as he has Carlos in a headlock under the water.

Logan is already halfway through the door when he calls over his shoulder, "We're not going to fuck... yet"

Kendall winks at James before he too disappears through the sliding door.

"I'm joking by the way, I just like to stir him up" Logan laughs as he walks to the kitchen, dripping water as he goes.

Kendall hesitates about stepping inside the house when he is still so wet.

"It's fine come in, James and I get it wet in here all the time" Logan says, noticing Kendall hovering at the door.

"You and James are so funny, it's cute" Kendall smiles, joining Logan in the kitchen who now has a six pack sitting on the counter and is searching through one of the drawers for a bottle opener.

"We try" Logan shrugs before he laughs, "No but seriously, we're pretty ridiculous I know. It's just we've been best friends since I can remember and he's just everything to me. Were not together or anything, I mean don't get me wrong I love him to death but no, we will only ever be friends don't worry"

"I guess I can't complain" Kendall sighs, "Carlos and I are exactly the same"

"I can tell" Logan grins, now opening two of the beers and passing one to Kendall.

"So I was thinking, should we be worried that James and Carlos are fighting in the pool naked?" Kendall asks before he takes a huge swig of beer.

"Ha, I doubt it" Logan says with a laugh, "Firstly I think they're both so out there and shameless that they wouldn't be embarrassed by something like that and secondly James only has eyes for you"

"Really? I mean I know he likes me, but he barely knows me"

Logan groans, shaking his head in disagreement. "Kendall you have _no _idea just how much he likes you"

"May I have an idea?" Kendall asks, eyes staring at Logan with burning curiosity.

Logan looks at Kendall for a moment before he speaks, head in indecision over what to say. "Let's just say he's not going to be hooking up with anyone else any time soon"

"Aw come on Logan, I need to know more than that"

"No, really Kendall, it's not my place. I would rather you hear it from him"

"Fine" Kendall huffs. "You don't approve of all this do you Logan?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you are really intent on James and I not getting together but at the same time you have done more with Carlos than the two of us have?"

Logan sighs, scratching the back of his neck whilst he thinks of how to answer. "I know it's ironic, and super hypocritical of me ok? It's just... well it's just on Saturday night I sort of let my desire rule over my head, which happens about once a decade. I always think with my head, and on Saturday I sort of just let that slip. There were so many drinks, then shots and then Carlos and he is just too sexy and cute for his own good and I let my judgement slip. Don't get me wrong it was an incredible judgement slip, I don't regret what happened with Carlos, I just know that to have anything long lasting would be such a mistake because we just couldn't make it work without so much stress, drama and secrets"

"You know though that inviting us over to your house for dinner isn't really a great way to keep your distance though?"

"I know" Logan sighs, "I'd like to say I'm strong enough to be friends with Carlos and not to let anything happen... Even if we hadn't of hooked up or anything on Saturday night I still think he's incredible and I want to know him, he's funny, smart, charming, and cute, he's a great guy"

"I know" Kendall smiles. "But I feel like you're letting that strong wall of yours break down by what we're doing right now... You know James plans on us all getting in the hot tub at some point"

"I know" Logan groans, "I think the minute I get in the hot tub with Carlos will be the minute I stop thinking with my head for the night. Just seeing him in the pool is enough..."

"Ok shhh" Kendlal giggles, "This is my best friend you're talking about"

"I know I know, sorry" Logan chuckles. "I have no idea how you're able to sleep next to him every night in a dorm room and not jump his bones"

"I could ask you a similar question, you've been James' best friend forever and spent almost every waking minute of your life with him and now you live together. Oh and not to mention you have seen that man many, many times in a pool and just generally shirtless. Not that I'm complaining but how aren't you and James together? You obviously get along amazingly, he's incredibly sexy and so are you... you know in your own way. You're perfect for each other"

"Were not" Logan laughs whilst shaking his head. "As I said, I love James, he knows me better than anyone on this earth but to take what we are to the next level?... No. It just wouldn't work, it didn't work! We tried it once, when we were in college. At first it was ok, we already felt like we were in a relationship anyway, still are sort of, and we were just adding the physical side to things but it was weird. Having sex with James was like –"

"Wait wait" Kendall interrupts, coughing on his beer. "You've had sex?"

"Only a couple of times" Logan replies casually "But it was weird... Not the sex was bad weird, just weird. I mean it was good at the time but to be honest the next morning it just felt like I had sex with my brother or something. Even though we still classified ourselves as a couple eventually things were sort of back to normal like they were before we started dating. There were still kisses and "dates" but it just wasn't... I don't know. So eventually one day James turned to me whilst we were watching a movie and said "Hey Logie, I love you more than I love anything in this world but we don't really work as a couple do we?" and all I could do was give him a big kiss and say "I agree" and then that was that, nothing really changed and we've remained just as strong as we always were to this day"

"I know I shouldn't be but I'm just so jealous. How can I hear that and not be? I feel like if James and I were to ever be in any sort of relationship I would never be able to compete with you..." Kendall says sadly, beginning to pick at the label on his beer bottle.

"That's not true. I know how James feels about you Kendall... trust me" Logan says seriously, placing a hand upon Kendall's shoulder.

"He's just so relaxed with you... He can't be like that with me"

"Hey that's not fair, I've known him nearly 28 years, and you spoke to him for the first time last Saturday. James is an incredible person but he has barriers, strong one's too, and he will try keep those barriers up as long as he can. I think above everything else he is scared of you and scared of how you make him feel. I've seen him fall in love with you over the past three years purely from your pieces of work and I knew the minute you met on Saturday one of those strong barriers began to crumble down. I think that's why he loved you so much... because there was a part of him that knew you were unobtainable, people always want what they can't have. The idea of you was far more desirable than actually having you and I know that sounds bad. But then he met you and that scared him because here you are, in the palm of his hand and he doesn't know what to do."

Kendall doesn't say anything for a minute, he simply stares and lets his brain try and process the words Logan has just spoken.

"Also that's why he's so comfortable with me, because even though he loves me he's not _in _love with me"

That doesn't really make Kendall any less jealous towards their whole bromance but he has to admit that Logan makes some sense. Except for Kendall can't really believe James is in love with him because that would be stupid, James doesn't know him. I mean fair enough he loves Kendall's writing but James can hardly call that love. I guess it's similar to when you love a celebrity, you love the idea of them and the image they promote and whilst you may say you're "in love" with them how can you be? You may think you know them but you don't, and the same applies to James. But in saying that how is it any different from Kendall? Kendall thinks he is in love with James, despite never having spoken to the man since Saturday but that doesn't change anything. But was it the same as Logan says? Kendall simply desiring something he deep down knew he could never have? But then in saying that here James is now and Kendall still feels more in love as ever and he can only presume James must feel the same. It's too confusing! College was meant to be easy, why couldn't Kendall just be straight... Nah being straight is no fun.

"I don't know" Kendall says eventually, letting out a large sigh. "I don't know what to think right now, I know it's wrong to be with James and that society won't like it, but I can't help it, there's just something about him. What do you think we should do? What do you think James will want to do?"

"Well I know what he wants to do right now is probably fuck you into tomorrow, and I mean that in the most romantic way possible" Logan grins. "But seriously, it's up to you. I think if you want to be with James tonight that will certainly happen but there is something you should know..."

"What?" Kendall asks curiously.

"And I'm warning you now before we go back out to that pool, I can't guarantee things are going to be fine in the morning. I know James better than anyone but if you sleep with him tonight there's no way knowing how is going to handle it once the sun comes up..."

"Hmm, I see" Kendall mumbles, "So basically what you're saying is not to get my hopes up for rainbow and smiles in the morning if we wake up in his bed together?"

"Basically yeah" Logan shrugs, "But that's not because he doesn't care about you, it's mainly because he's the biggest fucking retard in the whole world"

Kendall can't help but laugh before he becomes serious again. "Thank you for telling me Logan, it's kind of better to know now than wonder why he starts ignoring me in the morning"

"I'm not saying he's going too... I'm just saying be prepared for the worst. But don't worry, if he's a dick to you I'll be sure to give him a few wacks with the magazine" Logan smiles, picking the magazine he hit James with earlier off the counter and making sure Kendall knows it's nice and thick and heavy.

"Good to know" Kendall laughs. "So what about you and Carlos? What are you going to do with him?"

"Uh I really don't know" Logan groans, "Maybe I should just stop listening to my head... But there are just so many consequences... Look I probably shouldn't be telling you this but –"

"HEY!" A voice suddenly yells from outside causing the two in the kitchen to jump. "ARE YOU COMING BACK OUT HERE OR WHAT? BECAUSE LOGIE I WILL FUCK CARLOS IF YOU'RE FUCKING KENDALL!"

"Oh my goodness" Logan groans, his previous thought now forgotten as he shakes his head. "He is so obscene, why do you like him?"

"Who knows" Kendall laughs. "But just in case he's serious we better get back out there"

"Agreed" Logan says, grabbing another six pack from the fridge to accompany the now four pack on the counter.

"Oh and hey Logan?" Kendall says as they head back outside, "I enjoyed the talk, you're a really cool guy and I can see why Carlos has be in love with you all these years"

"He's been in love with... what?" Logan asks, stopping in his tracks abruptly.

_Shit! Shit shit shit. _Kendall had forgotten that Logan didn't actually know the deep extent of Carlos' affection... _shit! _

"Finally!" James groans mockingly as Kendall is now outside, yet Logan is still frozen in the doorway.

"Logan forget I said anything, please, don't tell Carlos I told you" Kendall says quietly into Logan's ear.

"Right, ok yes, right" Logan says, now flustered but finally being able to breathe again.

"Oh god now they're telling each other secrets, did you become best friends in the kitchen or something?" James says from the pool as he swims up to the wall to take a beer from Logan.

"Yep were best friends now, in fact Logan has invited me to come live here as his new best friend and kick you out" Kendall says casually, trying to stop himself from laughing.

"Hey Kendall, come here for a second" James responds, sitting his beer down gently. "Just a little closer I want to tell you my own secret"

Kendall rolls his eyes and leans down by the edge of the pool, carefully sitting his beer down and before he knows it James has him by the hand and pulls him in.

"Argh!" He yells as he comes to the surface, "Dude!"

"Sorry" James grins, but absolutely no real apology in his voice.

Before you know it Kendall and James are now engaged in a full on war, more intense than the one Carlos and James had earlier as each try to do all there is in their power to try and drown one another. With incredible force James grabs Kendall by each arm and practically throws his body against the pool wall.

Their bodies are pressed hard against one another, James' hands tightly on Kendall's arms as he is holding him captivate and there is no room to move. Both are breathing heavily and for a minute they stop, simply staring at one another hungrily as their chests heave up and down and then, in a complete act of the moment Kendall thrusts his body harder against James', throws his arms around the brunette's neck and kisses him so hard they both fall backwards.

Kendall has never experienced something so powerful, a kiss driven by pure, ecstatic burning lust and desire. A kiss so powerful Kendall can feel it through every fibre of his being. Strong hands grip Kendall's back tightly and Kendall's fingers tug at the wet brunette hair. Teeth and tongues clash violently as they both fight for dominance, James ultimately winning as he possesses every inch of Kendall's sweet mouth. James has Kendall pushed up against the pool wall again, hard, wet bodies so tightly pressed together Kendall is moaning at the feeling.

"Fuck" Kendall breathes heavily once they have finally broken apart.

Dark, hazel, lust filled eyes stare into green ones of the same intensity as a thousand feelings bombard Kendall at once as they simply stare and hold one another tightly. Intense, would be the perfect word to describe this situation. Intense and powerful. Kendall is also wondering for a split second whether or not James is just going to take him right here right now up against the pool wall, regardless of Logan and Carlos being in the same vicinity.

"Wow" Is all James can say as his hazel eyes begin to search Kendall's face and torso, looking at the blonde boy like there is just something he is so close to figuring out but he doesn't know what to do about it quite yet. He settles on two words, "Hot tub?"

Kendall would rather have heard "bed?" but he's happy with sex in the hot tub... ok ok he's not going to have sex in front of Carlos and Logan, that would be weird. That would be weird right?

Kendall merely nods, untwining his fingers out of James' hair and hoisting himself up backwards so he is sitting on the pools edge and James is standing between his thighs. The brunette professor places his hands firmly on Kendall's legs and smirks before he does something that takes the blonde completely by surprise. In one swift motion James manages to propel himself out of the pool against Kendall's thighs and in doing this has pushed Kendall backwards onto the ground, James is now positioned nicely hovering above Kendall's body with his hands on the ground either side of the boys head.

Kendall is stunned by the motion and their new current position and can only manage one syllable. "Shit"

James merely smirks and swoops down to capture Kendall's lips in his own, Kendall's hands taking their instinct reaction to throw themselves around James' neck and pull him closer.

Ok so first Kendall thought they were going to be having sex in the pool, and then he thought maybe in the hot tub but now taking their current position into account he is starting to wonder whether or not they are going to do it on the cold, hard ground. No matter what way you look at it though, Kendall isn't complaining.

"Mmm, fuck" Kendall moans as James' knee grinds slowly and completely intentionally into his groin. It's also in this moment that Kendall realises that he is still in boxers on account of James dragging him in to the pool but James himself is completely naked. Not fair, not fair at all.

Kendall's hands travel down James' strong back, nails dragging against the tan skin and eventually he squeezes the man's tight ass roughly and forces his hips down on him. This now means James' hard erection is grinding into his covered one and even with the thin layer of fabric blocking the completely free movement it's fucking incredible.

"Oh my god Kendall" James says in a haughty groan, lips at attacking the blondes neck hungrily like a starved vampire. "Why are you so fucking sexy?"

"Fuck off" Kendall breathes with a laugh, back arching and head thrown back in pleasure.

"No seriously, do you have any idea how badly I want to fuck you right here right now?" James mumbles against his collar bone.

"Then do it" Kendall groans, Logan and Carlos the last thing on his mind because all there is right now is James grinding into him and his sweet, sweet lips on his neck.

James laughs against his skin, which sends vibrations through his body. It's electrifying.

"I don't think our friends would enjoy that too much" James chuckles softly, cocking his head to the side. Kendall follows his line of vision to see Carlos and Logan in the pool and much to Kendall's dismay they aren't attacking each other in sexual frustration like he and James are, they are merely talking, smiling and drinking the beers Kendall has long since forgotten about. If they look awkward about Kendall and James practically having sex on the ground they don't seem to be showing it, they are too wrapped up in one another.

"Damn it" Kendall sighs. He may be sexually frustrated by the Adonis between his legs but he has a little bit of self respect and dignity not to have sex in front of his best friend and a professor of medicine.

Kendall averts his gaze back to James, looking up into stunning hazel eyes and sighing softly.

"What?" James asks with a smile, tilting his head to the side.

Kendall removes one hand from James' back, placing it gently on the side of his face before he says, "You're so beautiful"

"Shut up" James laughs softly, a faint red tinting his tanned cheeks.

"No I mean it" Kendall says sincerely, forcing those stunning hazel eyes to look into his own.

James opens his mouth to speak but then closes it again, the look on his face as if he is in some raging internal battle of indecision. In the end he decides not to speak, merely choosing to show his appreciation with a kiss.

"Do you think we should leave them?" Kendall hears someone mutter to his left, but he can't distinguish who it is, he's brain is far too distracted with James and his lips right now.

"Hmm maybe" The other voice responds, "But I really want to go in the hot tub... but we can't if they're going to have sex right here on the ground in front of us"

James withdraws his lips from Kendall's, causing the blonde to whimper slightly from the loss. "Sorry guys" He sighs, sitting up with his legs straddling Kendall's hips tightly.

"It's fine" Kendall now knows to be Logan says. "I would ask you two to join us... but I feel that could be awkward"

"No no it's fine, we'll behave" James smiles, unhooking his leg from Kendall's waist and standing up. Carlos and Logan both look away, obviously not wanting to stare but Kendall has no shame in letting his mouth practically water as he stares at everything James has to offer.

"See something you like?" James chuckles, noticing the way Kendall is devouring him with his eyes.

"Get back down on this ground and fuck me now please" Kendall says in a low, sultry voice, which actually has James releasing a slight groan from his lips.

"No, no" He says finally, extending a hand to Kendall to lift him off the ground and pulls him into a standing embrace, lips ghosting over Kendall's ear, "Later"

Kendall's body shivers, partly in desire and partly due to the fact he is standing outside practically naked in a New Haven Autumn, so maybe the hot tub isn't a bad idea.

* * *

Kendall is going crazy sitting next to (well practically on top of) James in the hot tub, their hot, hard bodies pressed tightly together in the water and James' hands roaming in certain places on Kendall's body that really isn't appropriate when they are in a hot tub with their friends and really above all else it's driving Kendall insane.

But he has to admit its fun, they've well and truly finished all the beers and the conversation is rather hilarious, they're at that stage in the night where the combination of drinks and company has taken away all levels of shame and decency so they have no inhibitions. So basically it's the stage of the night where it's fucking awesome.

For Kendall, watching Logan on the other side of the spa with Carlos basically in his lap is like waiting for a bomb to go off. Kendall actually has to give Logan props for having lasted this long, he can physically see the man struggling with that head vs heart battle he was talking about although Kendall has a sneaking suspicion that he is going to break any second. I mean he has to, how he can resist the way Carlos has a leg draped across his lap under the water so the Latinos body is swivelled and leaning up against his, with his arms around Logan's torso and holding him tightly is a mystery. Kendall is fairly sure if Carlos was to just take that first leap, even if it were the smallest kisses to the professors neck Logan will lose it and be begging to take Carlos right here in the hot tub.

It's reaching the point where Kendall might actually have to take matters into his own hands.

"Alright, I have an idea" Kendall smiles mischievously, one hand resting on the back of James' neck and playing with his hair gently whilst the other traces circles on James' strong chest.

"And what would that be?" James grins in return, leaning forward to kiss Kendall's neck.

"No no" Kendall chuckles, pushing James back gently, even though it kills him to do so. "I was going to suggest we play a game"

"A game?" Carlos asks curiously.

"Yeah like a drinking game"

"Alright" Carlos says happily, "But what should we play? I Never?"

"Hmm nah not I Never, what about Aces?"

"Yeah Aces could be fun... Kings Cup?"

"We need cards for Kings Cup... Ooh what about Turkey?"

"No! We are not playing Turkey! You remember what happened last time we played Turkey?" Carlos groans as Kendall laughs.

"Fine... fine not Turkey. What do you think?" Kendall asks, turning to look at James.

"Ok well I've never heard of any of those games" James says with a laugh and looking completely lost.

"What? Seriously? Logan?" Kendall asks slightly shocked, looking at Logan who simply shrugs in agreement with James.

"Wow you're old!" Kendall exclaims with a laugh which causes James to dig his nails into Kendall's thigh under the water.

"Ow" Kendall laughs, "You big bully. Well fine then, what did you play back in the 1900's?"

James rolls his eyes and proceeds to ignore that comment. "Well when we were in college the huge one was truth or dare"

Carlos snickers into Logan's shoulder as Kendall can't help but look at James in complete shame. "Truth or dare... seriously? Alright well, it's been fun James, it was nice knowing you." He shrugs, moving away from the brunette and going to stand.

James rolls his eyes for what is probably the 10th time in the last two minutes and grabs Kendall by the hand, pulling the boy back into him. "Shut up"

Kendall laughs, hooking his leg over James' front and resting his head on the strong mans shoulder. "I mean come on though? Truth or dare? That's a game for like two year olds"

"No knocking truth or dare, it's actually the best. We had some pretty wild nights playing that game didn't we Logie?"

"He's right" Logan shrugs with a smile, arm around Carlos' shoulders and fingers absentmindedly playing with the boys raven locks. "Hey James remember that night just before you graduated at Six Flags with the –"

"No! And neither do you" James warns, cheeks flushing with embarrassment whilst Logan laughs.

"Ooh what did you do at Six Flags?" Kendall grins, looking up at James.

"Nothing. Now, are we going to play or not?"

"What? Are you tired? Are you and Logan just so old it's past your bedtime?" Kendall snickers.

"Aren't you just so young its past _your _bedtime?" James challenges.

It's all in good fun but Kendall and James can't help but glare at each other for a fraction of a second. It makes Kendall wonder whether or not James will ever be able to move past the fact that he is and always will be younger – does James think of him as a child?

"Shut up, the both of you" Logan says as he rolls his eyes, "James you go first, yours were always the best"

"Everything I do is always the best" James grins, ignoring the scoff from Kendall. "Ok...Who shall go first...? Hmm... Alright how about... Carlos. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth" Carlos straightens up slightly against Logan's chest and awaits his fate.

"Ok let's see... Alright I got one" James grins mischievously. "Carlos have you ever ditched one of your classes you have with Logan to go have sex?"

Kendall tries to hide his smirk, he knows the answer.

"Wow ok" Carlos says slowly, looking down at the water trying to avoid everyone's gaze. "Yes"

"Who with?" Logan asks, trying to act casual but Kendall can tell he is absolutely burning with curiosity. Is a certain Dr Logan Mitchell jealous?

"No that's not fair!" Carlos protests, "It's just one question and I don't have to give details. Which means it's my turn next"

"Fine" Logan sighs.

"Alright, Kendall – Truth or Dare?"

Kendall grins. "Well I'm not going to pick truth because you know everything I've done so you'll just set out to embarrass me, so I pick dare"

"Who says I won't set out to embarrass you anyway?" Carlos chuckles as he thinks it over. Judging from his facial expression he has decided on a dare but before he says it he whispers something in Logan's ear.

Logan throws his head back in laughter and nods. "Yes, yes that would be great"

James and Kendall both look at each other in confusion then at the two laughing shorter men on the other side of the hot tub.

"Do we get to hear the funny joke?" Kendall asks with one eye brow raised.

"Sorry sorry" Logan laughs, "He was just checking with me whether or not his dare was ok and it's great, you're going to love it"

"I'm sure I will" Kendall mumbles, "What is it then?"

"Well here's the thing it's not something for you to do right now..." Carlos begins slowly.

"Huh?"

"Just hear me out; it's something you have to do at uni tomorrow"

"No that's not fair! Surely in the rules of Truth or Dare it only applies to right here and now"

"Well how about we ask James? He is the neutral bystander in this round and seems to know the rules so James; can I set a dare for Kendall that will actually be for tomorrow?"

James thinks it over for a second, ignoring the pleading look on Kendall's face. "As long as he doesn't break any school rules or laws by performing this dare I'm cool with it"

"James!" Kendall groans, sitting up and out of the professors embrace.

"Oh you'll be fine you big baby" James grins, pulling Kendall back into him. "You're the one who wanted to play the game"

Kendall has a scowl on his face as James holds him tightly. It's not fair because Kendall was going to do fun dares which involved Carlos and Logan getting the push to start hooking up, he wasn't setting out to embarrass them and ruin their university lives "Ok, so Kendall your dare is" Carlos begins, "Tomorrow in your Romantic Classics class with James –"

"Ok no!" James quickly interrupts, "It can't have anything to do with me!"

Kendall mentally agrees as his brain starts to conjure up all the possibilities of what he is going to be forced to do.

"No no no professor you said it was ok, so it's going to be his dare" Carlos says with a cheesy grin. "Alright so Kendall tomorrow in Classics I dare you to stand up halfway during the lecture whilst James is talking, make your way down to the front of the room, James will say something along the lines of 'Can I help you Mr Knight?' and Kendall you have to lean into James with the sexiest look on your face and whisper in his ear 'I want you to come and fuck me in your office right now' or well something to that effect and let your hand trail down his chest or something sexy and then waltz your pretty blonde ass out of the lecture theatre and your dare is over! Oh and I'm going to let Camille know what it is so you have to do it"

_No. Carlos... no. Just... no_!

"You have got to be kidding me!" Kendall half yells "I am NOT doing that! Do you know how many people are in our Classics class? And they all know me! Carlos you know no one knows I'm gay!"

"Yeah but you won't be saying you're gay! For all the other students know you could be whispering something completely un dirty into James' ear" Carlos says with the biggest smile on his face.

"No! I can't be all sexy and fucking caress his chest in front of the whole class! No! And besides, this is awkward for James too!"

"He's right" James says seriously, although there is a smallest of smiles playing on his lips. "It will be pretty awkward, what am I supposed to do once Kendall leaves the room?"

"I will leave that up to you... maybe you'll go take him up on whatever offer he has whispered to you"

"Carlos I can't just leave my class to go have sex with Kendall"

"We'll see" Carlos grins. "No more complaining, Kendall it's your turn next"

Now Kendall is feeling indecisive. At first he was going to do some awesome dare for Logan but now he is feeling cruel... He is never going to forgive Carlos for this dare, he hasn't even done it yet and he already feels embarrassed.

In the end he decides he is the best friend in the whole world for what he is about to dare Logan to do.

"You're not forgiven Carlos" Kendall mutters and Carlos simply laughs. "Alright Logan, truth or dare?"

_Please pick dare please pick dare please pick dare. _

"Alright let me think for a second" Logan says, tapping his finger against his chin. "Dare"

_Fuck yes._

"Ok, Logan I dare you to fuck Carlos"

* * *

**Kendall is SO naughty! He needs a spanking... from James... next chapter... what?**

**;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hi :) I can't believe were already up to chapter seven, and over 100 reviews? You guys are just too awesome for me to handle. **

**There's so much I want to say, but it's 4:30am and I'm slightly tired... **

**The only thing is I have a new best friend, her name is Amy (5678dance) and we were chatting about this chapter and I was sending her some stuff because she's my muse and she came up with the best line ever, it had me chuckling. So credit to Amy for the "roses are red, violets are blue" masterpiece that you shall see ;)**

**Enjoy this chapter my favourite people :) Oh and... um... if you're underage, or have innocent eyes or just generally don't enjoy explicit things... don't read...**

**;)**

* * *

**Chapter 7 **

Three sets of eyes stare at Kendall in shock, trying to figure out whether they heard the blonde correctly.

"Um... excuse me?" Logan says with a stutter, body rigid and cheeks red as flame.

"You heard me" Kendall smiles triumphantly.

"K-Kendall" Carlos says with a small voice "That's sort of an extreme dare... You can't really force us to do something like that when we might not want to do it"

The lies that come out of Mr Garcia's mouth sometimes, honestly.

"Alright well if you both don't want to do it tell me right here right now you don't want to have sex. I will change my dare if you both sincerely look me in the eye and say you don't want one another" Kendall says seriously.

Logan and Carlos look between one another then back at Kendall, it is so painfully obvious they both want this but each one is too nervous about saying it first. Someone needs to take the leap... tick tock...

"Well..." Logan begins slowly, "I still think it's a very obscene dare and obviously your way of pushing us along, but I do want to do it anyway, and not just because Kendall is daring me too" He says as he looks in Carlos' eyes.

_Finally._

"Really?" Carlos asks in a small voice, eyes wide and full of shock and awe. "I want to as well"

"Good!" Kendall says loudly with the biggest possible smile on his face. "Now, go and complete your dare"

"What? Right now?" Logan asks, ripping his eyes away from Carlos.

"Well obviously not here or in front of us but yes now, off you go chop chop"

Logan and Carlos both roll their eyes and get out of the spa.

Once they are out of sight and inside the house Kendall does a metaphorical jump for joy. "Woo hoo! My plan worked!" He grins triumphantly up at James.

Unfortunately James doesn't seem to be sharing the same level of excitement. "You are unbelievable" The brunette scoffs, removing his arm from around Kendall.

"What? Why?"

"You can't do that Kendall!"

"Do what?"

"You are so frustrating!" James growls, "You can't just force people to have sex!"

"Yeah, but they wanted to so it's fine?"

"No! It's not fine!"

"Oh my goodness calm down grandpa, it's just a game"

James' hazel eyes flare with anger as he stares daggers into the blonde boy. "You know the reason I liked you so much was because I thought you were mature and grown up and just generally a beautiful human being. But now I'm not so sure if you're really at that different from all the other dumb college jocks"

Ouch.

"You know what James? I think you just have to get it through your pretty brunette head that that _I am _in college, and I am always going to be younger than you no matter how mature I may seem. I think it's a bit unfair for you to expect so much from me when you yourself were probably no better when you were in college."

"But I've grown up now; I'm not the same person I was"

"Ugh!" Kendall says angrily, splashing the water in frustration. "That's exactly my point! When I'm 28 I'm not going to be the same person I am now either! It's completely unfair of you to say you expect me to act older than my age."

"I guess I just thought there was more to you..."

"More than what? Drinking? Partying? Sex? I'm 21 for Christ sakes, what else is going to be important to me?"

Kendall knows that there is more to him than that, much more. He loves to read, he loves to write, he has so much love and respect for his family and he also values friendship higher than most things in this world, he would gladly take a bullet for Carlos.

"It's like you're a different person when you write... You know now I'm not even entirely sure if you wrote any of those poems or stories"

In an act of frustration and pent up anger Kendall throws a leg across James' waist and now has the teacher pinned as he places one hand on either side of the hot tubs edge, straddling James in a way that some may take as indecent but he's too fucking angry to care.

"Don't you dare say what I write isn't mine" He growls, face inches from James'.

Kendall can see the passion burn deep in those hazel eyes, especially if you take their new current position into account.

"Prove it, prove to me you have one shred of that beautiful heart and brain I believed you did" James challenges.

Kendall merely smirks, leaning in even closer to James' neck, so close he can smell the sweet, musky, mouth watering aroma of James' skin.

"You can close your eyes from the things you don't want to see but you can never close your heart from the things you don't want to feel" Kendall begins, voice dripping like pure honey from his lips, oozing into James' senses. "Your beauty overwhelms me. As I wrap my arms around you I press your softness tight, great passion fills my inner being. I'm captured in your embrace. Your eyes control my very soul. The touch of your lips, heaven, forever frozen in time... All else fades into nothing"

Kendall leans in, ever so slowly, and presses his lips, ever so lightly, to the hard line of James' jaw. The brunette shivers, hands snaking like vines to wrap themselves around the blondes neck.

"You can't do this to me" James whispers, voice low and husky.

"Do what?" Kendall says as his teeth bite ever so gently down on James' earlobe.

"Make me love you, when all I want is to hate you"

"Why do you want to hate me? Don't hate me, I don't hate you, I could never hate you"

"I should hate you... I should stay away... Please Kendall, don't love me"

"Let me love you" Kendall whispers, "Let me love you for everything that you are, everything you've been and everything you're going to become. All I ask is that you love me in return... it's all I ask and it's all I've ever wanted"

James snaps. Long fingers grip dirty blonde hair roughly, making said blonde boy moan in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Their lips smash together in hunger and frustration and tongues soon engage in a heated battle for dominance.

"You're so beautiful with words..." James moans as Kendall's lips begin to kiss his jaw, "When I'm around you I can't think straight let alone make something beautiful... all I can think to say is 'Roses are red, violets are blue... And tonight I'm going to have my way with you'"

James grins as Kendall smirks, upturned lips connecting once more. James' words aren't beautiful, they're not romantic and hell, it's not even overly poetic but it doesn't have to be, because James wants Kendall... and that's all that matters.

"You're going to have your way with me then are you?" Kendall moans with a grin against James' lips, their hard erections grinding into one another under the water in a way that is already blowing Kendall's mind.

"You're going to do everything I say" James commands in a low, threatening and yet sexy as all fuck voice.

"O-ok James" Kendall says with wide eyed anticipation.

"Don't call me James, you will call me Mr. Diamond, got that?"

"Yes sir"

James has managed to turn Kendall into a withering mess in the space of about two seconds; it seems Mr Knight liked dominance more than he thought. But yeah, the way James is looking at Kendall now... eyes full of lust, desire and above all; power... Mr Knight _definitely _liked dominance more than he thought.

"What do you want me to do for you sir?" Kendall breathes against James' neck as he places hungry kisses onto every bit of skin he can see.

"You're going to ride me, right here right now"

Kendall shivers at the command, James' voice just doing inexplicable things to his brain and body. Kendall rises up off James' strong thighs, his knees still resting firmly on either side of James' legs on the seat of the hot tub. His hand slowly begins to trail down James' muscular chest as he looks into those hazel eyes he just loves almost too fucking much. James throws his head back and releases a moan of pure pleasure as Kendall's hand finds his throbbing erection.

Kendall knows in the back of his mind that he should prepare himself, but he doesn't care and besides, it's not exactly like he's a virgin.

"Holy fuck!" James moans as Kendall slides himself down on the professor's cock. "You're so fucking tight"

Kendall closes his eyes as a groan escapes his lips, his body adjusting itself to the thick length inside of him. And fuck, James is thick.

"Oh my god" Kendall says with laboured breath, hands now on James' shoulders firmly and roughly.

James pulls Kendall's head forward to seal their lips in a heavy, intense kiss as Kendall is now grinding on James long and hard.

"Faster" James moans with deep breaths, a command to which Kendall instantly complies.

"Yes sir"

Kendall rises up slowly so just the tip of James' hard cock is inside of him before quickly slamming down and repeating this motion over and over... and over again and both are positively moaning roughly into one another's mouths at the action.

James places his hands roughly on Kendall's back and he begins to drag his nails down the soft skin harshly, so harsh in fact he is sure to be breaking skin.

"Fuck!" Kendall exclaims loudly, his own nails digging into James' shoulders as an instinct reaction and to stop himself from collapsing forward on James' chest, and this is not from pain, this is from pleasure. The pleasure Kendall is feeling in this moment from the combination of fucking himself on James and James digging harshly into his back is beyond anything he has ever experienced.

"You like that don't you Knight?" James breathes heavily, teeth nipping all along Kendall's jaw.

"Oh my god Mr Diamond" Kendall chokes as James teeth find his neck sink into the soft flesh.

"Answer me"

"Yes Mr Diamond, yes I fucking love it"

Which is no lie. This is by far the hottest, dirtiest, most mind blowing sex Kendall has ever had and it doesn't even concern him that James making him practically bleed is the hottest fucking thing that has ever happened to him, ever.

So Kendall likes it rough does he? Yes, the answer is yes he loves it rough. In fact he is now having images of James tying him up and there is even some hard spanking involved? Wow Kendall's mind is a dirty place.

Kendall's head falls into the crook of James' neck, yelling muffled, incoherent words as the way he slams down on James is hitting his prostate repeatedly.

"Touch me" Kendall whines, his body burning with an inexplicable passionate heat and want.

"Not if you don't ask like you're supposed to Knight" James grins against Kendall's neck.

"Please James, sir, Mr Diamond" Kendall begs, his brain beginning to cloud with lust.

"That's better" James moans, moving one hand to the back of Kendall's neck and the other hand under the water to stroke the begging want between the blondes thighs.

As soon as James' strong hand begins to pump Kendall quickly it is only a matter of seconds before Kendall is completely coming undone on top of James. A string of broken words which sound like curses and James' name spill from Kendall's lips as his vision goes white and any thought he has ever had is cleared from his mind.

Seeing Kendall come undone is enough for James too is seems, as with one last thrust up into the boy James feels as if he's exploding and words that suspiciously sound like "I love you" come falling from his lips.

Neither can move for a minute, there is simply the sound of the still disturbed water and each ones heavy breaths. When Kendall finally feels strength within his limbs he eases himself off James slowly and almost collapses on the seat of the hot tub.

James has his eyes closed and his chest is rising and falling as fast as it would be if he'd just run a marathon. His eyes open and look down at Kendall when he hears the blonde boy laughing.

"What's so funny?" James asks with a tugging on the corner of his lips.

"I'm shaking" Kendall chuckles, holding his hand above the water and watching it tremble.

James grins, wrapping an arm around Kendall's shoulders and pulling the boy tightly into him.

"Sorry about becoming all dominant on you there" James says softly with an apologetic smile.

"Please don't be sorry, I loved it" Kendall smiles, placing a light kiss to James' neck and draping an arm across his chest. "In fact... I have a few ideas for next time... which involves me being tied up, spanking and... other things"

James throws his head back with laughter and kisses the top Kendall's head. "I really, _really _like the sound of that"

"Good" Kendall grins, kissing James' neck once more. "Does this mean I'm forgiven for being a "dumb college jock" now?"

James can't help but smile as he looks down at Kendall, "Let's not talk about it now, in fact let's get out of this spa before we fall asleep in the water, do you want to stay tonight?"

"Of course I do" Kendall smiles. How can he say no? Especially when those fucking beautiful hazel eyes are looking down at him as if they're saying they want nothing more in the world than for Kendall to spend the night.

James jumps out of the spa quickly and Kendall attempts the same but almost falls straight back in, James however uses his super fast reflexes to grab Kendall and pull him into his chest.

"Watch where you're going there drunk ass" James chuckles, dipping his head slightly to place a light kiss to Kendall's lips.

"You just fucked me too hard" Kendall grins, resting his arms on James' shoulders and kissing him once more.

James' hands rest on either side of Kendall's face and brush the wet dirty blonde hair out of his eyes and looks at him thoughtfully.

"What?" Kendall smiles as their eyes bore into one another.

"Nothing" James sighs eventually, pulling back from Kendall and taking the boys hand in his own to walk inside the house.

Kendall has a sneaking suspicion James was going to say those three little words that would have made his heart explode but what isn't a suspicion was that James already said them in the hot tub as he orgasmed.

Despite his own bliss Kendall heard it as clear as day:

"I love you"

* * *

**Is everyone ready for what Carlos and Logan did once they left the hot tub? **

**Next chapter ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hi :) **

**A few things. Firslty, apologies for such a late update *hangs head in shame* **

**Secondly, I am updating this AND another story tonight so I'm on fire, woo hoo!**

**Thirdly, I wrote a Kames RPS oneshot... check it out :)**

**Fourthly, You're all amazing and your continued support never ceases to make my heart flutter.**

**Fifthly, Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Chapter 8. **

"I'm sorry about him" Carlos says nervously, following Logan up the stairs of the teachers large two storey home.

Logan simply laughs, squeezing Carlos' hand reassuringly. "He's definitely... smart"

"Yeah smart ass maybe" Carlos scoffs.

The simple squeeze radiates through Carlos to the tips of his fingers and toes, who knew such a simple gesture, would provide such strength?

Carlos wishes to pay attention to his surroundings, he wants to take in every inch of this beautiful house but for now he is blind, and the only way he is not falling over his two left feet is Logan's hand holding onto his own, Logan's hand is the light at the end of the dark tunnel.

When Logan reaches a plain, white, wooden door he hesitates, hand reaching out for the door knob.

"What is it?" Carlos asks, looking at Logan with large brown eyes.

"Carlos" Logan sighs, turning on the younger boy and placing both his hands on the side of Carlos' face. "If you don't want to do this... we don't have to. I'm not going to force you"

"Oh" Is all Carlos can respond, casting his eyes downwards and trying to not let the hurt scar his face.

"What is it?" Logan asks gently, forcing Carlos to look him in the eye.

"I understand" Carlos says in barely a whisper, "You don't want to do this"

"No!" Logan replies quickly and without hesitation, "I actually... I actually want to do this more than anything in the world, but if you didn't want to I would understand and –"

Carlos lunges forward, throwing his arms around Logan's neck and smashing their lips together to effectively shut the professor up for now.

It works.

Well, except for the moans, muffled grunts and other general sounds that surely aren't appropriate for a professor to be doing around one of his students... But that is irrelevant.

They practically fall through the door, lips, hands, and groins not being able to get enough of one another as they stumble across the dark room to what Carlos assumes shall be a bed. Actually Logan could have just lead him to a fucking horse stables as far as he is aware, because how the hell is he meant to concentrate on such finite details as a room when the man he has been in love with for nearly three years is practically fucking his mouth with his tongue?

Carlos gets a shock when he finds himself tumbling onto a bed, although he would have been more shocked if he really were in a horse stables... although how on earth was that ever a possibility? Shh. Focus. No one cares about horses. Two hot men about to have sex. Like, right now. Pay attention.

Logan hovers over Carlos on the bed, lips attaching themselves to any bit of caramel skin they can find, which has Carlos positively writhing in want and anticipation. Logan's hands begin to trail down, slowly, in fact probably too slow, until they reach the part of Carlos that makes it impossible for the Latino not to be shouting out a string of incoherent words and groans.

"Logan" He pants, "Logan please, I need you"

Logan shifts off Carlos for a fraction of a second, reaching for something on his bedside table, hands fumbling in the dark but he soon finds what he was looking for.

The simple flick of the bottle cap sparks another wave of want within Carlos; he well and truly knows what is coming now and to be honest... the excitement is practically palpable.

"Shit!" Carlos moans, fingers digging into the sheets by his side as he feels the familiar sensation of being prepared.

Even this is enough to have Carlos almost tipping over the edge.

"I'm ready" He chokes out, "Logan please, please"

"Are you sure baby?" Logan asks softly, squeezing more lube into the palm of his hand.

Carlos can only nod, the sight before him raring him incapable of forming speech. There seems to be one large window in the room on the wall right above the bed, this causes the soft light from the moon to flood into the room and illuminate Logan's pale skin in such a way that can only be described as; positively breath taking.

Carlos raises a hand to Logan's cheek, fingertips lingering on the soft skin as he says softly, "I trust you"

As Logan smiles his teeth practically glow in the light and Carlos has never seen something so beautiful. He loves this man, that much is sure, but he had never truly realised until right in this moment just how much.

"F-fuck – ngh – shit" Carlos moans as Logan enters him slowly.

"Mmm baby" Logan groans, ducking his head so he can attack Carlos' lips in such a sufficient way the pain for Carlos is instantly forgotten.

"Move" Carlos pants into Logan's mouth, both hands now grasping firmly at the professors strong biceps.

Logan is quick to comply, picking up his rhythm to such a speed that now has Carlos a complete and utter withering mess.

Sex for Carlos has always been about one thing: pleasure. So don't get him wrong, the pleasure sex provides is, well let's be honest it's pretty fucking amazing, and Carlos had just sort of accepted that sex was nothing more than that. But here now, with the breath taking Logan Mitchell pounding him into tomorrow he has never felt such overwhelming senses all bombarding him at ones.

Pleasure? Check.

Amazing? Check.

Fun? Check.

But above all else, and by far the thing that is standing out on the list the most?

Love.

This isn't fucking.

This isn't Kendall's dare of "_I dare you to fuck Carlos"_

This is making love.

Corny, right?

"Oh god Carlos" Logan moans loudly, head falling into the crook on the Latinos neck and hand now finding the throbbing want between said Latino's thighs and stroking long and hard.

"L-Logan" Carlos moans louder, grasping Logan's back firmly to bring the brunette teacher in even closer.

That feeling Carlos knows all too well is beginning to boil deep within his stomach. Simultaneously his fingers dig into Logan's back roughly, his toes curl, his back arches and he can't help but practically scream as he cums all over Logan's hand and his stomach.

"Oh my god – Carlos – fuck – ngh – I love you" The professor exclaims loudly, broken words and broken moans spilling from his lips as he fills Carlos to the brim.

"Ugh" Carlos grunts with a chuckle as Logan collapses on top of him.

"Sorry" Logan smiles, shifting the majority of his weight off of Carlos to lie by his side.

"Mmmitsokay" Carlos chuckles softly, resting his arm around Logan and playing with the soft brunette locks between his fingertips, chest still heaving as he comes off what would have to be the best orgasm of his life.

Logan's eyes begin to droop close as sleep comes to clutch his small body and drag him under. But Carlos won't allow that just yet.

"Logie?" He murmurs, nudging the near sleeping brunette gently.

"Logie... mmm thascute" Logan mumbles with a smile and his eyes still closed, his head inching up almost subconsciously so that he is resting on Carlos' chest.

"Logie what did you say before?"

"Hmm?"

"What did you say before when you... when you came..."

"I said, mmm I said" Logan sighs sleepily, "I said I love you"

Carlos' heart swells within his chest and he can't help but hold Logan tighter to his body, "I love you too"

But Logan doesn't respond, he has now well and truly succumbed to the sandman and that's ok because tonight... well tonight has been the best night of Carlos Garcia's existence.

Sleep is about to claim him too when he hears the faintest of muffled yells coming through the walls from what must be the room next door or the one across the hall.

_"Oh my god! Fuck! Yes ugh right there Mr Diamond!"_

Un-be-lievable.

Horndogs – what are you gonna to do?

* * *

**Cargan sex... hmm... I've never written it before. They're not major sexual beasts like Kames haha. **

**This chapter was short, but it was more the sex that needed to happen. I've already got the next stuff planned, and we'll be getting into the main crux of the story now :) Oh and don't forget, Kendall still needs to do his dare! ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hi :) **

**So before I say anything I'm just going to have a little moment of pent up rage. **

**As some of you might be aware my story "Make It Without You" the sequel to "Baby, You've Got Me Under Your Spell" was removed from fanfic. Please excuse me whilst I go get a gun to shoot myself. I am SO annoyed. So I just wanted to let you all know that it will be coming back, and I do have every intention of finishing the story because in no realm is the story over, but I just have to give myself a time to work on my rage about the whole thing.**

**So in the mean time I shall work on this :) And "Running Up That Hill"**

**So now this. **

**This chapter is... interesting. Started off heartcrushingly beautiful, ended... **

**You will see ;) **

**Love, **

**The woman who loves you so much for reading,**

**Me :)**

* * *

**Chapter Nine.**

**Kendall.**

Dreams are nice. Dreams are kind of like a break from the crap reality in which most of us live. But I think it was Dr Seuss who said that you know when you're in love, because reality becomes better than your dreams... I guess that's true for Kendall. I mean sure, there's still a lot of crap to figure out. James is his professor, 7 years his senior and has more fucking emotional baggage than Hamlet, will never take Kendall seriously and seems like the sort of guy who envisions himself settling down with a wife and kids and not a school boy... But that's ok. Kendall will take the crap for now if it means feeling like he is right now.

He wakes to a soft light trying to penetrate his eyes but it's not uncomfortable, in fact it's kind of nice and provides him with glowing warmth. Speaking of warmth he's not short of that temperature. He can feel James' strong torso beneath his arm and their legs entwined so tightly it must look like a puzzle. He knows James is awake and sitting up against the beds headboard from the way his head is angled on the warm skin. He also knows because James' arm that is wrapped around his body keeps shifting between playing with his hair and... Something. Kendall will have to open his eyes to see but that's no fun. He wishes to lie like this forever, the soft sun against his eyelids and James' strong arms around his body. Surely, this is heaven.

Kendall finally decides it's time to open his eyes when James begins to mutter, which is... odd.

As Kendall peaks out from underneath his long lashes it makes sense. In the professors left hand there is a notepad of sorts and his right, a pen. When the fingertips of his right hand are not playing with Kendall's blonde hair they are scrawling words across the notepad, but the stars of sleep are still well and truly in his eyes to distinguish the letters formed.

_"I can't stop swimming..." _The brunette professor says softly.

"Hmm?" Kendall mumbles sleepily, titling his chin to look up at James.

The view is breathtaking.

There is Mr James Diamond, in all his morning glory and Kendall can't help do anything but stare in amazement. The man's chocolate hair is ruffled by sleep without a care in the world, yet still looks like it's been perfectly styled that way, which is completely unfair. His perfect face is basking in the glow of the morning sun, the light hitting the chiselled lines in such a way Kendall's heart is caught in his throat. But this is not the biggest thing, no the biggest thing that is preventing Kendall from being able to form any form of coherent thought is the black, thick rimmed glasses perched on the teacher's nose.

Kill Kendall now. James Diamond in glasses? No. Just... no. Someone is going to have to restart Kendall's heart.

"Good morning beautiful" James murmurs with a smile, dipping his head to kiss Kendall lightly on the lips.

Forget restarting Kendall's heart, the poor old thing has just exploded.

Kendall melts into the light touch, letting his lips linger on James' for a second, a second he wishes would last for eternity.

"You wear glasses, I've never seen you in glasses" Kendall breathes softly, feeling scorned when James pulls away.

James can't mask his groan and his not so subtle eye roll. "Unfortunately, yes"

"Why have I never seen them before?"

"I wear contacts usually; I only wear my glasses around the house"

Kendall's lifts his right hand off James' strong chest, placing it gently on the side of the older man's face. "I love them"

James kisses Kendall again, letting his fingers twine through the blonde hair, captivating and possessing Kendall with every touch, every movement and every sweet breath.

"Thank you" James smiles against the blonde's lips before he pulls away once more.

Kendall tries to piece his brain back together whilst he tries to simultaneously remember trivial facts such as the day... the date... where he is... who he is... Damn James and his ability to leave Kendall in a complete and utter, mind fucking daze.

"What are you writing?" Kendall manages to finally ask, thinking of anything but the way James' lips felt on his own, the way those strong fingers ran through his hair, the way he smiled when –

No.

Get back on topic.

"Oh um..." James starts nervously, scratching his morning stubble with the hand that is not still twined in blonde hair.

Did Kendall mention that James' morning stubble is one of the fucking sexiest things he's ever seen?

"Well you always manage to make my world stop with your words, somehow possessing me with every small word and captivating me until I am nothing but a hallow shell of a man on the floor... The way you bewitch me with words so simple that my heart beats faster and slower at the same time... The way that those seemingly simple words captured my heart, making me love you with every ounce I have to give... One of the many ways that makes you beautiful"

Kendall's heart is screaming, yelling, beating and bashing; knocking against its cage as it bleeds nothing but love.

The thing about love is that you read about it and see it all day long. Novels, movies, television, the media, they have taught us since we were small that love is what you want in your life. Even before we really understood we knew that what Simba and Nala had in The Lion King was something we wanted, we knew that what they had was something to treasure, to strive for, to hold close to you and never let go, and they were lions for Christ sakes.

But the point is, we know what love is. But there's a difference between _knowing _love and _feeling _love.

Kendall has known love, he has known it all his life but it is now, within this moment as James stares down at him, wide hazel eyes burning with intensity, admiration, desire and above all... _love, _it is now that Kendall knows the difference, he now feels love.

And the feeling has hit him like a tonne of bricks.

"Um anyway, what I was trying to say" James says, breaking Kendall out of his life changing moment, "Is that I feel like I never return the favour with beautiful words for you, and I want you to know that I would take every word on this earth and place it in the palm of your hands if I could, because you deserve every word"

Kendall can't breathe, can't think, can't function.

This is too much.

Too much for his heart.

"So I wanted to write you something. It's short, and bad and I am deeply ashamed by it, but none the less, it's all for you" James offers Kendall a small smile, and Kendall desperately tries to kick his brain into action.

"Please read it to me" Kendall whispers, his emerald eyes staring deep into delicious hazel.

"Fine" James sighs, pushing his glasses up his nose as he looks down at the messy page, "But don't lose respect for me as a teacher once you read it, and keep in mind I've written this in about ten minutes"

"Shut up and read it" Kendall orders, laying his head down on James' chest and shutting his eyes.

James' chest rises as he takes a deep breath, giving Kendall a moment to try and prepare his heart for what is to come.

_"Your green eyes  
Make me float away from destruction  
Makes me feel like I can do anything  
Everything is possible  
When I look into your green eyes  
It makes everything better  
It all falls to place  
I find myself  
They're like an ever flowing river  
And I can't stop swimming  
Looking into your eyes, I lose myself  
I have no control  
I fall deep, deep into your eyes  
I feel helpless  
I never want to leave  
They make me feel wanted  
The way they stare back at me  
The way they're so pure  
They freeze me  
I like it  
They tell a story  
The way you feel about me  
The way you feel about everything  
Your green eyes,  
Are what I live for"_

Kendall's heart was definitely not prepared.

Neither were his emotions it seems as he finds himself crying soft tears on James' chest.

"Hey hey" James whispers quickly, tiling Kendall's head up to look at him, "Was it really that bad?"

Kendall can't help but give James a small smile, "No you idiot. I loved it. I loved it with every single fibre of my being"

Before Kendall even has a chance to blink James has captured his lips with fiery passion, simultaneously pulling Kendall on top of him and holding him tightly.

Notepads, pens, poems, words, thoughts, they're all forgotten as their lips and bodies are joined together.

"James" Kendall breathes quickly as the brunette flips them over so now he is the one on top. "James I need to tell you something"

"Mm?" James mumbles in an effort of trying to pay attention, but it seems his attention is more directed at his lips attached to Kendall's neck at the moment.

Honestly, who can blame him?

"James" Kendall moans again, desire beginning to build between his legs. "This is important"

"Ok, I'm listening" James sighs, pulling back slightly so he can give Kendall his full attention.

Although he would much rather his lips were back on Kendall's neck...

Looking up at James, Kendall hesitates. Staring at that beautiful man as feelings so strong wash over him like tidal waves. He reaches a hand up to the side of the professor's face, letting his fingers run through the soft brown hair gently.

"You're so beautiful" Kendall sighs, he feels like he has said it a lot in the past 24 hours but it doesn't matter, he just needs James to know.

"Stop saying that" James smiles with embarrassment tinging his cheeks.

"James Diamond you are beautiful, and I wish you would believe me. I could write you a sonnet, I could write you a symphony, I could scream to the world at the top of my lungs that you are perfection but it wouldn't compare to three little words that are so easy to say but so hard to convey. My heart didn't beat before now; the stars weren't as bright until now and I didn't know what true love was, until now. Everything I have been, everything I am, everything I am going to become... it's all for you. I love you James Diamond, I love you with every single heart beat I have to give, and every single beat is yours."

James is at a total loss for words, all he can do is stare at Kendall in shock, eyes wide and full of... well Kendall's not sure. Passion? Desire? Want?... Love?

"K-Kendall... I..." He begins to stutter. "Kendall I don't know what to –"

"You don't have to say anything" Kendall smiles, brushing his thumb over James' lips in a form of silence.

"No Kendall I have to say this... and it's not going to come out beautifully, it's not going to be romantic or poetic, but you have to know I mean it and I want you to remember it. No matter what happens you must always hold it true to your heart, ok?"

"Ok?" Kendall smiles, anxiously awaiting James' next words.

"Kendall Knight..." He says slowly, taking one last deep breath. "I love you"

It's not poetic, it's not a sonnet, it's not a symphony but it means more to Kendall than he will ever be able to say. All he can do to respond is to bring James' lips to his quickly to share a kiss so strong it's a wonder Kendall's heart doesn't explode.

"Be careful with my heart James" Kendall mutters quickly against the brunette's lips, "It's yours now"

* * *

**Carlos.**

"Reckon they're having sex?" Carlos giggles into his bowl of cereal as he watches Logan walk around the kitchen in haste, preparing a variety of different things, not that Carlos really notices. Carlos is more preoccupied with the fact that he had sex with Logan Mitchell last night and he woke up in the mans arms. Oh and did he mention that Logan said he loved him right before going to sleep? Because yeah that may be the number one thing on Carlos' mind right now.

"Probably" Logan scoffs, rolling his eyes as he puts some bread in the toaster.

Carlos' biggest fear when he woke this morning was that things were going to be... well let's say he worried things were going to be uncomfortable. Thank the heavens they weren't... sort of. I mean Carlos was sort of waiting for an "I love you so much Carlos. I love waking up with you in my arms" sort of statement but as of yet, no such luck.

But at least it's not awkward, right?

"When's your first class?" Logan asks, leaning on the counter to look at Carlos with a small smile.

"Um... not till eleven I think. What's the time now?"

Logan glances down at his watch quickly, "Nearly half seven"

"What time do you start?"

"Not until eight-thirty" Logan smiles, "James on the other hand, starts at eight, so unless he's planning to just miss his lectures today..."

"Not at all Logie!" Comes a voice from behind Carlos.

He spins on his stool to see James walking into the lounge room, with a smile so big it could match the brightness of the sun, on his face. Carlos does have to admit James is incredibly attractive. The brunette professor dressed immaculately in a crisp white shirt and a pair of awesome dark blue jeans. The look is so casual for a professor, yet at the same time it screams professionalism and oozes style. His brunette hair is styled carelessly, the brown locks tousled in a million different directions that somehow manages to make the man look like a fucking male model and not a professor of literature. Yet no matter how irresistible James may be Carlos only has eyes for the short, pale, brown haired medical professor, with dimples that make his heart melt and a pearly white smile that has him weak at the knees.

"Good to see you're up" Logan smiles as he spreads butter on a piece of toast.

"Got to make a living Loges" James grins as he walks into the kitchen and grabs a mug for the cupboard to pour himself a cup of coffee.

"Your toast honey" Logan says sweetly, holding the plate out to James who offers the shorter man a beaming smile.

"Thanks dear" James responds, leaning over to kiss Logan on the cheek.

Carlos will never understand their... relationship? Would we call it a relationship? Maybe understand their 'marriage' would be more appropriate; they may as well be husband and wife. Oh and yes that is husband and wife not husband and husband. Because Logan is the biggest wife Carlos has ever seen.

It's actually pretty cute. But Carlos can't help but find himself wondering; where's my toast?

"Where's Kendall?" Carlos asks, breaking James and Logan out of there... would we call it a moment?

Asking the one simple question suddenly has any concerns Carlos had about James and Logan evaporating from his mind. Saying Kendall's name has James turn into a schoolgirl in an instant as he dips his head and a smile spreads across his face.

Forget Logan making toast cute, _this _is fucking cute.

"He's just getting ready" James smiles, looking off into the distance as he seems to be remembering something.

"Did you guys have a fun night?" Logan asks, moving around the counter to sit next to Carlos.

James grins into his mug and nods his head, "_Oh _yeah"

Logan shakes his head and rolls his eyes, although it's not like he can really talk because he also had a fun night, right?

"What about you two? How did my boyfriends stupid dare go?"

Logan practically chokes on his own mug of coffee and Carlos does the same with his cereal.

_"What?" _The two ask in unison, looking up at James in shock.

"Hmm?" James responds in a daze, clearly unaware of what he just said.

"James..." Logan stutters out, "You said... you just called Kendall your boyfriend"

It seems James has returned to earth now, as all the colour drains from his face and he looks at a loss for words.

"Oh, I, oh... crap" He mutters, setting down his coffee and placing his head in his hands.

"So are you guys like official now or something?" Carlos asks, trying to wrap his head around it.

"No, well... no. No we didn't talk about it, we're not... no. It was just a slip of the tongue I'm sorry. I sort of just meant like... well he's the one I'm sleeping with now so it's kind of like... I don't know. No, he's not my boyfriend"

Silence covers the room in a blanket, no one really knowing what to say. Cue the awkward portion of the morning that Carlos feared.

"Morning!" Kendall says loudly, bounding in to the living room with a big grin on his face.

"Hi" Three voices chorus, all offering Kendall small smiles.

"How is everyone?" He smiles, walking over to James and putting his arm around the professor's waste.

For now the awkwardness is gone, as James wraps his arm tightly around Kendall and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Kendall blushes and smiles, matching James' earlier teenage schoolgirl moment.

"I'm great" James grins, turning to face him straight on and placing both his hands around the blonde's waist.

"Did you have a good night?" Kendall asks suggestively, putting his arms around James' neck.

"The best" James responds, pulling Kendall by the waist into him quickly and kissing him deeply.

Carlos and Logan look away awkwardly, not wanting to intrude.

Carlos can't help but feel jealously course through his veins due to the hot couple making out in front of him. Why won't Logan kiss him like that?

"Hey" Logan says quietly, grabbing Carlos' hand on the counter and breaking him out of his thoughts. "You ok?"

Carlos can't help but smile at their joined hands, maybe there is hope after all.

"Yeah I'm ok" Carlos says softly, "I was wondering though... did _you _have a good night?"

"Of course" Logan says quickly, jumping up from his chair to move closer to Carlos. "Last night was amazing"

"For me too" Carlos smiles.

Logan lifts his free hand to the Latinos face, inching forward ever so slowly until their lips are only inches apart.

"Well, it's probably time to go!" James says loudly and suddenly, breaking the two out of their, what would have been, romantic moment.

Thanks, James. Great timing...

"Y-yes yes" Logan says quickly, pulling back from Carlos and disconnecting their hands.

"Are you giving me a lift this morning dear?" James grins, walking behind Logan and putting his arms around the smaller mans waist and resting his chin in the crook of his neck.

"Of course Jay" Logan smiles in return, blushing when James kisses him of the cheek for what is now the second time this morning.

"Carlos do you and Kendall want a –" Logan begins to ask before Carlos cuts him off abruptly.

"No were fine, we drove here remember?"

Carlos' voice is practically dripping with anger and disdain as he jumps up from the counter and to stand next to Kendall, grabbing the blonde boys hand.

Two can play at this game.

"Oh yes, sure. So you're leaving now?" Logan asks, slight hurt painting his face at Carlos' sudden shift in tone.

"Yes" Carlos snaps, pulling Kendall with him out of the kitchen. "Kendall do you have all your stuff?"

"Ah yeah I think so" Kendall replies, patting his wallet quickly to check for the all important wallet and phone.

"Ok good, were going now. I still need to shower back at our dorm"

"Oh yeah me too, we better get going"

"If were in too much of a rush we can always shower together" Carlos grins.

"Oh my goodness" Kendall laughs, "That was one time!"

"Yeah, one great time!"

Both boys laugh at the memory and Carlos can practically feel the jealously radiating from Logan and James.

Good.

"Ok we actually should get going" Kendall smiles, turning to face James but not releasing Carlos' hand. "Thanks for an amazing night, for dinner, swimming... other things"

"No worries" James grins, stepping forward to kiss Kendall but before he can Carlos pulls Kendall along.

"Thanks for a fun night" Carlos smiles as sweetly as he can. To be fair it actually was an incredibly fun night, but Carlos is pissed now so he has every right to be rude.

Which is fair...

"Ok well, see you at school today then" Logan says, a little dazzled by the sudden ice cold mood he is receiving.

Both James and Logan walk down the hall with the two younger boys to show them out but Carlos has him and Kendall out the door quicker than you can say the word "Goodbye"

"See you soon!" Kendall smiles, turning over his shoulder to give the two men at the door a big wave as he walks down the path.

Knowing the two men are watching them walk to the car Carlos does something that isn't actually that unusual, but he is more doing it now just to piss the men off. Taking Kendall by surprise he jumps on the blondes back, said blonde instinctively catching his legs to keep Carlos steady.

"What is this for?" Kendall laughs, turning his head to grin at Carlos.

"Just to tell you I think you're awesome, and I'm happy you're my best friend who gives me piggy back rides and will love me forever" Carlos smiles, nuzzling his chin into Kendall's neck.

"You know it" Kendall smiles in return, "And you'll love me forever too?"

"Duh!" Carlos chuckles, releasing Kendall from his death grip to jump down to the ground once they reach the car.

Much to Carlos' surprise, but also much to his pleasure, Kendall pulls him into a tight hug and Carlos doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around the blonde in return.

"I really do love you though ok?" Kendall whispers into his ear.

"And I love you" Carlos smiles, pulling back to look into Kendall's bright green eyes. "I know James is the most important thing to you now but I –"

"No" Kendall interrupts, placing his hands on either side of Carlos' face. "You will always be the most important thing Carlitos. I would be lost without you"

"Never forget me ok?"

"Never"

It might be because he's caught up in the moment, or purely from trying to make Logan and James jealous or it may just be because Carlos realises how much Kendall really does mean to him but he does something that he knows in retrospect he really shouldn't do.

He leans up on the tips of his toes, and ever so gently, ever so lightly...

He kisses those sweet, pink lips of his best friend with his own and it feels...

* * *

**How does it feel Carlos... HOW DOES IT FEEL?! **

**;) **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Oh my goodness where have I been? University... Sleeping... Oh and the biggest culprit: Tumblr. Yes... I made a tumblr. If you want to follow me (which you should) the url is on my profile :) **

**There are so many things I could say right now, in relation to Kames and Cargan and the fuckers always wearing each others shirts or the performance at the White House but... I won't bore you.**

**So now... where do I even begin with this chapter? I guess I could start by saying um... the summary has changed. **

***slowly starts to back behind corner* **

**And um.. it's just labelled as "Kendall" now, not Kendall and James... **

***crouches into a ball***

**And this chapter is short but its a major turning point in the story and I think the most important chapter... Not just for Kendall and Carlos but for James and Logan too...**

***melts into floor* **

**I'm going into hiding now. I'll catch you all on the other side. **

**(Much love to Amy again for the rebirth of "Roses are red, violets are blue" :P and to her just generally being a beautiful, amazing, perfect human being) **

**I love you all. **

* * *

**Chapter Ten.**

At first Kendall was thinking _"Oh yeah, Carlos is kissing me, it's no big deal" _and then he was thinking "_Oh yeah... Carlos is **kissing **me!"_

I don't know if awkward would be the right word... Or uncomfortable... Maybe weird?

Let's go with weird.

Because at least when something's weird it doesn't necessarily mean it's bad weird... just different.

Oh, maybe we will go with different then.

The kiss is soft, gentle, hesitant and cautious as all hell. Kendall's not too sure how to respond to it because it's taken him a few moments to figure out whether or not this is a friendly kiss or...

Kind of seems, not friendly. But why is Carlos kissing him? And maybe more importantly; why is he kissing back?

Why does he find his hands gripping tightly at the sides of Carlos' face, pulling him in closer to bring their bodies flush together? And why is Carlos leaning into Kendall like a damsel in distress? He is at Kendall's disposal, he is Kendall's.

What is happening?

The thing about Carlos for Kendall is that the boy has always made him feel like the best fucking person in the whole world. The smile he'll give Kendall, that small, shy smile that says; _"You'll always be my hero Kendall"_

And it's true; Kendall has always been Carlos' hero. Ever since they were six and Kendall punched a kid in the face who was making fun of the little Latino boy for his helmet.

_"Hey, if anyone ever tries to mess with you again, call me" _Kendall had said defensively, throwing his arms around the little boy and crushing him with protection.

_"O-ok" _Carlos had stuttered with a smile, and that was that first look, that first smile...

_You'll always be my hero. _

Carlos' Knight in shining armour...

But shouldn't Logan be Carlos' knight now? Surely Logan should be the one Carlos gives that smile too... the problem is; Kendall feels like that smile is reserved for him, and to be honest the thought of Logan receiving that smile has a small growl escaping from his throat.

"Sorry" Carlos says softly, pulling away from the blonde and trying to avert his gaze, but Kendall won't release his grip on the boys face; forcing those dark chocolate eyes to looks into his shining emerald.

"I wasn't growling at you" Kendall smiles, moving gently forward to plant his lips on Carlos' forehead.

"Oh... but still, I'm sorry"

"How come?"

"For kissing you"

They are speaking in barely a whisper, their conversation being reserved for them and only them, not even a fly on the wall could intrude on this private moment.

"Why did you kiss me?" Kendall asks, tilting his head to the side and letting one had pass through Carlos' raven locks.

"Um... I – I don't know" Carlos stutters in return.

Kendall wishes he could read minds, or even just read Carlos', he is burning with curiosity. But if he can't read minds he will settle for reading those chocolate eyes that are glowing with so many emotions he can't decide which emotion to pinpoint first.

There are the clear ones, like fear, nervousness and hesitation.

But there there's other things... like admiration, affection and...

No, surely not.

There can't be love in Carlos' eyes.

Friendly love? That would be ok. But romantic love? Well that's a whole other issue all together.

Don't get Kendall wrong, he loves Carlos, loves him with his whole heart, and will always be there for him and... ok well Kendall would be lying if he said his favourite part of the day wasn't coming home to Carlos every night and seeing his face light up like the sun... all for him.

Kendall would be lying if he said that there wasn't a small part of him that loved Carlos... more than just that friend love...

But why is he figuring this out now? After he's just spent the morning telling James how much he loves _him_?

"Um Kendall, can we go now?" Carlos mutters, looking away from Kendall's intense gaze.

"Oh yeah, sure" Kendall replies quickly, finally realising Carlos from his grasp and he breaks out of the moment.

Kendall knows James and Logan are still standing at the door, he hasn't forgotten about them, but he's terrified to look. Mainly because he's pretty sure they wouldn't be happy. Or at the very least they would be confused as all fuck.

Being the perfect gentlemen he is Kendall opens the driver's door to the car for Carlos, giving the boy a sweeping bow in the process.

Carlos giggles at the gesture and that simple sound puts Kendall's heart all a flutter.

Ok... Kendall suddenly finds himself with _a lot _to think about.

* * *

"Ok, what the _fuck _was that" James says angrily, slamming the front door behind him so hard it practically shakes.

"Calm down" Logan says softly, walking down the hallway back to the lounge room, James hot on his tail.

"Um Logan did you not see them out there?"

"Yes... and clearly I'm not as bothered by it as you are"

"But Logan how can you –"

"Sit down. We've still got a few minutes. Do you want me to make you tea?" Logan interrupts calmly, basically pushing James backwards onto the couch.

"No I don't want tea. Tea doesn't fix everything" James pouts, crossing his arms over his chest.

Logan lets out a small sigh before sitting down on the couch next to James, twisting on his side so he can look the man square in the face.

"Firstly, tea fixes everything. Secondly, why are you so upset?"

"Are you kidding?" James says angrily, "Was I seeing something different to you?"

"Carlos kissed Kendall"

"Um... exactly!"

"James we kiss all the time"

"Not like that we don't. We don't stare lovingly into one another's eyes, run our fingers through each other's hair and open car doors for each other"

"Actually..."

"Ok well maybe that last one is true, but the others!"

"You always were one for jealousy..."

"Logan don't do this to me" James groans, resting his head on the back of the couch and shutting his eyes.

"Do what?" Logan asks, resting his head on his propped elbow and involuntarily moving closer to James.

"Don't make me out to be the bad guy, when our – well I guess they're our..."

"Our? What's ours? Are Carlos and Kendall ours now?"

"Ugh no, you know what I mean. But I just would have thought after last night..."

"What happened last night? I'm assuming you had your way with him"

James smirks, like he is holding some inside joke that has more to do than just fucking.

"Roses are red... violets are blue..." James mumbles, his eyes closed and a firm grin on his face.

"Huh?"

"Don't worry"

That's fine, because Logan won't.

"Anyway" James begins, breaking out of his memories. "I certainly did have my way with him. Last night in the hot tub, and then again in bed... twice, oh and then this morning and again in the shower"

"Oh my god" Logan groans, burying his head in the back of the couch. "You know people use that hot tub? Now I have to clean it, great"

"Shut up" James smiles, elbowing Logan lightly in the chest. "But that's not it..."

Logan lifts his head up from the couch, his interest piquing.

"Well this morning, after he woke up we talked and... and he told me he loved me"

"Shit" Logan mutters, "What did you say?"

"I said... I said I loved him back"

Logan only lets his draw drop slightly.

You'd think that by the time you were twenty-eight you'd said "I love you" to a few people just maybe a few times. But saying those three little words just isn't huge in James Diamond's vocabulary. Logan has seen James date what feels like everyone in New Haven, and beyond, but never once has James said those words. There was one person James said it to though...

"You haven't said 'I love you' to anyone since... well since me" Logan says softly, looking into deep hazel as memories past start to filter his mind and his coherent thinking process.

James simply smiles, reaching one hand up to rest it gently on Logan's cheek. "That's technically not true..."

Logan can't help but be a bit taken aback by this statement, and albeit a little hurt. "What? I thought–"

"I tell you I love you all the time"

Logan feels a smile creep across his face, when he wants to be James can be charming as all hell.

"You know I think it might be my fault" Logan says quietly as James drops his hand from the short professor's cheek and now resting it on his arm.

"What's your fault?" James asks, long fingers playing with the cuff of Logan's crisp blue shirt.

"Them being overly affectionate... Because I think we are"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I made you breakfast, and I didn't make Carlos breakfast and you kissed me on the cheek, twice, and put your arms around me and I smiled like a fool like I always do and -"

"Logan stop, stop!" James almost yells, sitting up and taking Logan's hands in his to try and calm him down. "Now who's the one getting worked up?"

"I know, I'm sorry" Logan sighs, clasping James' hands tightly.

"What happened with you and Carlos last night? Was it... Was it not good?"

"Oh no, it was amazing, we went through on Kendall's stupid dare, not that it was really a dare because I wanted to do it anyway, but we had sex and it was... It was incredible..."

"But..." James prompts, knowing the stories not over.

"But I think I may have said something I shouldn't have"

"What did you say?"

"I told him, well right as I... Well you know as I..."

"Came inside his hot Latino ass yeah?"

"James!" Logan practically squeals, removing one of his hands from James' to slap the brunette on the arm as he blushes a deep shade of scarlet.

"Sorry, sorry" James chuckles, using his free hand to rub his bicep before placing it back in Logan's grasp. "Anyway, go on"

"Yes so in the throes of climatic love making..."

James snickers but quickly stops before he can get slapped again.

"I said... I think I said _"I love you""_

"Wow..." Is all James can say at this moment. "And... That's bad?"

"No its not... Bad per say it's just... Ok enough talking about me. Why did you and Blondie have your confessions of love?"

"Well... Ok don't laugh. But whilst he was still sleeping I wrote him a poem"

"James Diamond you hopeless romantic you" Logan grins, "what's the poem called?"

James shakes his head, blush beginning to taint his tanned cheeks, "no way, you're never going near that poem"

"Fine" Logan sighs and taking his hands out of James' "I guess I'll just..."

Logan doesn't finish his sentence and James doesn't even have a chance to blink as the brunette haired man is out of the room faster than you can count to one.

"Oh my god" James groans, jumping off the couch to chase him up the stairs "don't read it!"

"Too late!" Logan calls from the bedroom, just as James has caught up.

"Logan wait don't –" James tries to plead but Logan already begins.

"Your Green Eyes" He smirks, "_Make me float away from destruction, makes me feel like I can do anything, everything is possible, when I –"_

Logan stops dead in his tracks and any trace of humour now gone. The colour drains from his face as he continues to read the poem from his position on the end of the bed, but only to himself.

James stands and waits. He knows what is coming. He knows it and he wishes it weren't.

"I know these words..." Logan whispers, letting his fingers trail across the scrawled letters on the page.

_"Looking into your eyes, I lose myself  
I have no control  
I fall deep, deep into your eyes  
I feel helpless  
I never want to leave"_

"J-James" Logan chokes up, tears beginning to swell in the corner of his eyes.

"Logan I'm so sorry" James says quickly, rushing to sit next to the brunette on the bed and pull him into a tight embrace.

"How could you?" Logan sobs into his shoulder, voice muffled and full of tears and sadness.

"I don't know, I don't know I'm sorry"

"Do you remember what that poem was originally called?"

"Yes" James murmurs, pulling back so he can look into Logan's eyes that are glistening with tears. "_Your Chocolate Eyes -_

_They tell a story  
The way you feel about me  
The way you feel about everything  
Your chocolate eyes,  
Are what I live for"_

"But now, now green eyes are what you live for" Logan whispers, trying to bow his head but James won't allow such a thing, forcing Logan to look at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't try to just change "chocolate" to "green"... I guess I just, well I changed it a bit, but I will never forget the look in your eyes when I first read that poem to you when we were twenty one"

"It was one of the greatest moments of my life" Logan says with a small smile playing on his lips, despite tears still hot in his eyes "I remember thinking right in that moment, as we sat on the floor of our dorm , staring into one another's eyes... I remember thinking _'I love him. I have always loved him and I always will love him, he's... he's the one'"_

"What changed that Logie?" James says softly, cupping Logan's pale cheek in his palm.

Logan takes a moment, but it's not due to hesitation in his answer. He leans in slowly, until he can almost taste James' breath on his tongue, "Nothing".

James, acting on impulse and an overwhelming bombardment of emotion, closes the inches between his and Logan's lips.

He knows he shouldn't do this; he knows he should still be able to taste Kendall on his tongue but right now, in this moment, all there is; is Logan. Right here, right now, in his arms, is the man he has loved for over twenty years.

James pulls Logan onto his lap, so the shorter male is now straddling him and his hands are grasped tightly and the man's slim waste. There is no hesitation from either party as the kiss deepens, hands begin to tangle in soft hair and hips begin to grind down on one another.

Being late to work?

James will figure it out later.

Kissing his best friend?

James will figure it out later.

Being in love with his best friend?

James will figure it out later.

Kendall?

... James will figure it out later.

"I love you" James breathes against Logan's lips, as they fall backwards onto the bed.

"I love you too" Logan smiles, letting his fingers trace the hard lines of James' perfect face before joining their lips back together quickly.

James will figure all that crap out later because right now, there is nowhere else he or his mind, would rather be.

* * *

**... I feel like I owe you words... but there are none. **

**I'm um... I'm looking forward to your reviews... but really, I am. **

**Actually, I'm dying for opinions. **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Fast update, I know. I tried to sleep tonight but I couldn't, this chapter was burning in my mind and it had to come out. **

**I know some of you weren't happy with the last chapter, but at the same time a lot of you were. In the end, I love you and your opinions and everything you say means the world to me. And you have to remember that the story isn't over yet, there is still a lot to write.**

**I don't know where my heart is tonight, I don't know what inspired _this _to come out... **

**I have no words for it. It is what it is, and it's what was in my heart.**

**So much love to you all.**

**(Disclaimer: I don't own Christina Perri's song "A Thousand Years")**

* * *

**Chapter 11.**

"Oh my god" Logan gasps as James collapses down on top of him, unable to control his breathing and definitely unable to control his mind.

"Logie, shit" James murmurs into the pale mans neck, "I'll move in a second"

Logan chuckles, he is not at all bothered by James lying on top of him. He in fact still has his legs wrapped around James' waist and his hands around the brunette's neck and broad shoulders, holding him tightly with no intention of ever letting go.

After what feels like forever, but at the same time not nearly as long as Logan would want, James rolls over so that he is on his back, but pulls Logan with him so that the pale man is curled into his side, head resting on James' still rapidly beating chest.

They don't speak for awhile; words don't need to be spoken. Instead Logan draws patterns into James' chest with his finger tips and James settles for playing with Logan's soft chocolate hair. It reminds him of this morning when he and Kendall were almost in the exact same position, but his finger tips were playing with messy blonde locks, not soft chocolate.

But now it is different. Now is so different.

James is fucked. He is completely and utterly, royally fucked.

After what feels like hours Logan breaks the silence, looking up into James' hazel eyes and holding them passionately within his shinning chocolate brown. "It's like riding a bike isn't it?"

James laughs, leaning down to kiss Logan's hair softly. "It is"

"James... I'm so confused" Logan sighs, resting his head back down on the strong chest.

"What about?" James responds softly into Logan's hair.

"Everything. I have so many questions swimming around in my mind, I can't even think straight"

"Like what?"

"Well first and foremost is probably the horrifying fact we have missed our morning classes..."

"Of course" James smiles, "Of course school would be the first thing on your mind"

"Well yes and no, there are other things"

"Such as?"

"Why is it, that when you and I finally both find people that we truly like, that we truly make a connection with... why is that after all these years we finally decide _now _is the time to try again? After meeting such amazing people? Surely that must mean something. But I don't know what, and it's killing me."

"Maybe..." James begins slowly as he tries to find the right words. "Maybe finding those people helped us realise the love that was already there"

"But James, you told Kendall you loved him this morning... you can't just ignore that"

"And I'm not. But I've loved you since we first met, and I can't just ignore that either"

Logan smiles into James' chest, feeling like a school girl who's been told her crush likes her. "And I've always loved you too... remember when I told you for the first time?"

James can't help but smile, his face lighting up like the sun at the memory.

_James watches the sun seep through the window, hitting the angles of the room in such a way the small place glows. He sits on the edge of his bed nervously, foot tapping and hands unable to stop themselves from shaking. _

_This was it. This was the day. This was the day he was going to finally tell Logan Mitchell how he felt. He didn't care if he was rejected, ok well that's not true he would care quite a bit, but as long as Logan knew. Logan needed to know._

_James' head shoots to the door when he hears the handle turn, he quickly stands up from his sitting position and moves from side to side. _

_Why is he so nervous?_

_"Hi James!" Logan smiles, dropping his bag off his shoulder and running into the tall boys arms. _

_James is used to this, so he is always prepared. He holds out his arms and laughs when Logan jumps up into his awaiting hold, wrapping his legs around James' strong waist._

_"Missed you" Logan grins, kissing James on the cheek before jumping back down to the ground. _

_"Missed you too" James murmurs, reaching his fingertips to his cheek Logan's kissed as he watches the shorter boy dump the contents of his backpack on his desk. _

_You see, James has never had trouble being affectionate with Logan, in fact many would say from spending two seconds with the pair they were the perfect couple, yet when assumptions were made Logan would deny down to his last breath that anything was going on. _

_Which hurt, a lot. _

_Of course James would agree though, and then proceed to date girls. Tall girls, short girls, thin girls, curvy girls, blonde girls, brunette girls, red haired girls; but in the end, they weren't his Logan. _

_The moments him and Logan shared in private were ones that no girl could ever match. _

_No girl held him during the night whilst he cried, when he was sixteen and his mother passed away. _

_No girl held his hands tightly and whispered that everything would be ok. _

_No girl loved him unconditionally. _

_No girl loved him with every inch their heart had to give. _

_No girl was Logan._

_"James are you listening to me?" Logan asks, snapping James out of his thoughts._

_"Huh? Oh yeah. Um, Logan will you sit down?"_

_"What is it James?" _

_"Ok Logan look" James begins, taking Logan's hands in his and holding them firmly, "You and I have been friends basically forever, and I've always been able to count on you to be there for me and well, um –"_

_"James wait" Logan interrupts, practically squeezing James' hands to death. "I have something I want to say too"_

_"Can my thing go first? If I don't say it now I never will" _

_"No, trust me... I... well look James – I um – oh screw it!" _

_Logan lunges forward, throwing his arms around James' neck and bringing their lips together quickly. They fall backwards on the bed, Logan on top of James and kissing him with everything he has to give._

_"Logan" James breathes quickly, knotting the boys brunette hair between his fingertips. _

_"I love you James" Logan says in a rush but softly, placing feather light kisses over every inch of James' face. "And not just love you in a friend sort of way, but I'm in love with you"_

_"You idiot!" James says angrily, causing Logan to sit up slightly and stare at James with hurt written all over his face. "That's what I was going to tell you! Damn it! I had it all planned out beautifully about how I was going to tell you how in love with you I was and then –"_

_James doesn't have a chance to finish as Logan has pounced once more, silencing James with his lips. _

_James knew he loved Logan, but he never knew how much until this kiss. He never knew his heart could feel like this as it explodes with thousands of feelings that just make him want to scream to the world. _

_Love really is everything they say its going to be._

_Love really is every lyric, every poem, and every clichéd phrase._

_Love, is everything._

_And it's amazing._

"I can't believe we'd both been dying to say it for years" James smiles, pulling Logan up onto his chest.

"I know" Logan says with a smile equally as big, leaning forward to join their lips together.

And it's still there.

That love.

That clichéd, unbreakable, amazing love that you can only read about in story books.

"Here's the thing that confuses me though" Logan says softly, folding his arms across James' chest and resting his chin in his hands. "Why did you end it?"

"Why did you let me?" James responds quickly, brushing Logan's cheek with the back of his hand.

"No, that's not fair. Answer my question first"

"Fine" James sighs, "You scared me"

Logan lifts his chin of his hands to stare at James with one eyebrow raised. "Huh?"

"It scared me how much I loved you... I know that might not make sense but that's how it was. We were only 21, but every time I looked into your chocolate eyes and told you I loved you all I could think about was our future together. I wanted to settle down with you, in a big old house, with vines on the outside walls, and a large oak tree in the front yard..."

"But wait..."

"Yes, and we have that. Which I can't even begin to tell you how that feels. I can't even begin to tell you how it feels to wake up every morning and come downstairs to see you holding a plate of toast out for me, with a big smile on your face... It makes me want to scoop you in my arms and kiss you until you are breathless... And that's what I wanted all along. I pictured us, in the big house with the vines and the trees and the pool and the toast and the smiles and the kisses and... A family. That's what scared me the most. I can picture you Logan Mitchell, I can picture coming down stairs in the morning, seeing you at the kitchen counter... and there's a little boy or girl sitting in one of the seats... you're making them toast and smiling that beautiful radiant smile of yours, and then you see me... and you say '_Look sweet heart, Daddy is here for breakfast too' _and then you would smile as you hold the plate out to me, and I would kiss you... I would wrap my arms around you and our child and say '_I love you both so much' _and we would be perfect"

"Oh my god James" Logan whispers, tears falling down his pale cheeks.

James lifts one hand to Logan's cheek gently, using his thumb to brush away the tears that taint his perfect face.

"And that scared me when I was 21. But now? I'm 28, and a family isn't so scary. But it wasn't just that. I pushed you away because I was terrified of being hurt. The thought of you leaving me, especially now, is crippling. My heart physically hurts if I even picture you walking out our front door and never coming back. That's why I thought if we just stayed friends it would give you less reason to break my heart... And then I think of that little girl or boy in the kitchen, with no one to hold them with a happy heart, because they can't be held by the two most important people in their lives. I thought that I could have eternity with you, without the heartache"

"B-but James" Logan tries to choke out, "That's so stupid. You've always owned my heart; I would never walk out the front door unless you told me to go"

"Then why Logan..." James says with tears threatening to spill at the corner of his eyes, "Then why did you let me say goodbye all those years ago? When I told you that I wanted to only be friends it tore my heart up, but what hurt even more was to see you be completely fine with it. When you told me it was ok, you didn't even fight, and you didn't even care"

"I've never stopped caring James. Never for one second has my heart stopped thinking about you. Thinking about all those times you held me close, all those times you told me you loved me; there is no one like you James Diamond. It tore me up too. It tore me up that you were so willing to say goodbye, but I knew you were pushing me away for weeks. I knew and I didn't know how to stop it. I never wanted to let you go but at the end of the day, I'll always put your needs and your wants first; if you wanted to leave me, then I would have to be ok with that. I tried to accept you didn't love me like I loved you, and I've still tried to accept it, but it didn't stop me from crying myself to sleep most nights. Wishing you were holding me, wishing your lips were on mine. I've never stopped loving you James."

"Oh Logan" James cries softly as he brings their lips together, salty tears hitting their entwined lips.

"We're so stupid" Logan whispers against James' lips, not even trying to stop his tears. "Why now? Why not one week ago? Why did Carlos and Kendall have to come into our lives? And most importantly, why do I still want them to be there?"

"I know" James chokes out, still kissing Logan in between their murmured words, "I still want Kendall in my life... And I feel awful for saying that but –"

"No, I understand. I want Carlos in my life too. I don't think I was lying when I told him I loved him last night"

"And the same for me and Kendall"

They continue to cry softly as they kiss, hands tangling in hair and broken whispers caught in their throats.

"I'm such a horrible person" Logan says as he kisses down James' jaw.

"No you're not"

"No, I am. When I spoke with Kendall last night... He told me how jealous he was of our relationship. I saw the hurt in his eyes as he told me how he doesn't feel like he could ever compete with what we had, and I said that he had nothing to worry about because I didn't love you like that... I told him that he was the only one you wanted, that you didn't have eyes for anyone else... I knew it felt wrong to say. I knew there was something inside me that said I was lying, and I think that thing was my heart. It hurt my heart to say I didn't love you in the way you loved him, but in all honesty, you've never just been my friend James"

"It's ok Logan, you're not a horrible person. I would have said the same. I just don't know what to do now, I don't want to say goodbye to him, but I can't stand to lose you either"

"Your heart will tell you what's right James" Logan tries to smile through his sadness.

"I don't want to make the decision Logie, because... it's always going to be you"

Logan kisses James gently before looking back into those hazel eyes that are glistening with tears, "For the record" He says softly, "All I want is to see you come down those stairs every morning, I want that life with you James, that family you've always dreamed of. And... and I know what we would name our daughter if we had one"

"What?" James asks quietly, but he already knows what Logan is going to say.

"We, we would name her Brooke"

James loses it then, sobbing so hard into the crook of Logan's neck he can barely form the words on the tip of his tongue, "After my Mum"

"Yes James" Logan smiles through tears, "She would be Brooke Diamond. The greatest woman I ever knew and ever loved like a mother"

"She loved you too" James cries, "She – she told me right before she died, she told me to treat you right, to love you and cherish you and never let you go. And Logan, I should have listened to her. I am never letting you go again"

"I love you James. Every breath, every heart beat from here until forever is yours."

"I love you too Logan, you've always owned my heart, always and no matter what happens, it will always belong to you."

Tears, kisses and soft words are the only things that remain. The only things that matter. And the only things they need.

They need each other like they need air. Like they need water. Like they need the sun.

They need each other with every breath, they always have.

They tried to ignore it. Tried to let it slip through their fingers, but not anymore.

Now they are holding on tight and never letting go.

They need that story book love, because there's never been a greater love story than theirs.

It's always been them.

Always.

_I will be brave_  
_I will not let anything_  
_Take away_  
_What's standing in front of me_  
_Every breath,_  
_Every hour has come to this_

_I have died everyday_  
_Waiting for you_  
_Darling don't be afraid_  
_I have loved you for a_  
_Thousand years_  
_I'll love you for a_  
_Thousand more_


	12. Chapter 12

**_*Rant time*_**

**A/N: There is so much I want to say, but I am very emotionally unstable at the moment so I don't think I can. I think ultimately we can say that Kames is ruining my life. I just... I just can't any more... I'm so done. They're like that person you break up with and you tell yourself that you're never getting back together with them but you just can't help it, you're drawn to them and they seduce you time and time again and then you find yourself wondering "Why? Why did I let them do this to me _again?" _But you know you'll always love them_..._**

**Anyway, that's what they're doing to me. And now all this stuff with Jalston... Look ok I have nothing against Halston, I'm sure she's a lovely girl, but she just... she's taking James away from Kendall and as you are probably all aware by now, I am slightly crazy and I have built this whole thing up in my mind... and I picture a super in the closet James who's like "No Kendall, we can't do this, it's wrong and I won't do it any more" and then he goes off with Halston and leaves Kendall to die a little bit inside when he see's James everyday and probably cries silent tears late at night, all alone and UGH. NO. I CAN'T ANY MORE. My heart hurts guys. It physically hurts. And then I saw a picture on tumblr of them holding hands at a meet and greet and I legitimately cried. **

**And then...**

**Then I wrote this.**

(I don't own Nicki Minaj or Colbie Callait)

* * *

**Chapter 12.**

"God damn I am so sick of Nicki Minaj" Kendall groans as he plays with the dials of the car radio, _Super Bass _pounding through the speakers.

_"Boy you got my heart beat running away!" _Carlos sings loudly, thumping his hands on the steering wheel to match the bass, "_Beating like a drum and its coming your way!"_

Kendall reaches over in his seat to quickly clasp a hand over Carlos' mouth, the Latino giving a muffled yelp in response.

"Stop. Singing." Kendall grins, waiting a moment or two until he knows it is safe to remove his hand. Or well, he would have removed it willingly if Carlos hadn't decided it was a good idea to lick it.

"Gross!" Kendall exclaims, wiping his hand on his jeans in annoyance whilst all Carlos can do is laugh. "Still changing the song"

Kendall keeps flipping through the channels on the radio until he comes across a song he doesn't actually know but it has a nice guitar melody so he's content for a minute.

_"Take time to realize, that your warmth, is crashing down on in"_

The female voice sings through the speakers, the soft voice and soft chords setting his mind at ease for a second.

But only a second.

He looks out the window and watches the town pass him in a blur. All his eyes can see is a mixture of colours rolling past him, but this is probably due to lack of concentration as opposed to the speed of the car.

Kendall's mind is a mess. He doesn't know what to say, what to do, how to act. His mind is like the vision from the window, a painting of rolling colours that only seem to translate as one big blur. He turns his head to look at Carlos driving, losing himself in his friends boyish features; cute button nose and dimples that seem to be showing even when the boy isn't smiling. Bright mocha eyes focusing on the road ahead and his brow slightly furrowed.

_"But I can't spell it out for you, no it's never going to be that simple"_

"Hey Carlos?" Kendall speaks up softly, lifting his legs up on the seat and wrapping his arms tightly around them so he is reduced to only a ball.

"Yeah buddy?" Carlos replies in the same soft tone, but at the same time light as air; even Carlos' voice makes Kendall smile.

Kendall opens his mouth to speak but the words fail to leave him as the voice sings on the radio and his heart begins to crush.

_"If you just realize what I just realized, then we'd be perfect for each other and will never find another. Just realized what I just realized, we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now."_

Kendall buries his head into his knees, clutching onto his legs so tight his nails begin to dig into his skin through his jeans. He won't let tears escape from his green eyes. He won't cry. He won't let Carlos see him like this. He won't.

"You ok Kenny?"

Fuck Carlos. Fuck Carlos and his cute worried voice. Fuck his hand squeezing Kendall's shoulder gently. Fuck him for being perfect.

_"Take time to realize, this all can pass you by"_

Kendall looks up, holding his breath and silently cursing his eyes for trying to cry.

"Kendall what's wrong? Are you ok?"

"Carlos..." Kendall says quietly, trying to stop his voice from cracking. "Carlos do you care about me?"

"What sort of question is that?! Of course I do, you're the most important thing in the world to me Kendall" Carlos sighs in frustration, shaking his head as he can't comprehend what a silly question that is.

"Carlos..." Kendall says again, "Do you... do you love me?"

"Aww you know I do" Carlos responds quickly, giving Kendall's shoulder another squeeze before placing it back on the wheel.

"No, I mean... I..."

"What?" Carlos asks innocently, confused by Kendall's reaction.

_"But I can't spell it out for you, no its never gonna be that simple, no I can't spell it out for you. If you just realized what I just realized, then we'd be perfect for each other, then we'd never find another."_

"Don't worry" Kendall mutters, staring back out the window at the blurring colours, only letting a few tears slip down his cheeks silently as Carlos begins to sing along to the next song on the radio.

He doesn't know.

* * *

Kendall stares at his watch and taps his foot nervously, only one more hour left and he could go. Go back to his dorm and try to shake the thoughts out of his mind. Only problem is, the one invading his thoughts happens to live in the same room. He sits in his usual seat in Romantic Classics, trying to shake Carlos and everything that comes with that thought line out of his head. He tries to forget his smile, his dimpled, pearly white smile. He tries to forget those shinning mocha eyes that light up like the sun and are positively glowing with warmth. He tries to forget the way his heart would always skip a beat when Carlos' hand touched his. He tries to forget all the smiles, the laughs, all the times they've cried, all the times they've spent together. He tries to forget every minute.

But it doesn't work. He can try all he wants to clear these things from his mind, or more importantly clear these things from his heart, but it always comes back to Carlos. No matter how hard he has ever tries to block it out.

_It has always come back to Carlos. _

But what about James? What about the man Kendall has loved for three years? The man who told him this morning that he loved him in return. The man that held him close all night. The man that made him feel like no other.

Kendall's heart is soon to explode if he keeps on like this. He is sure going to be reduced to a heap on the floor, drowning in his own tears. Dramatic, but true.

"Hey Kendall!"

Kendall nearly falls out of his chair as Camille sits herself down next to him, a huge smile on her face and completely unawares she just shocked Kendall half to death.

"Hi Camille" He responds weakly, offering her the smallest of smiles.

"Whoa what's got you down this morning?"

"Love" He says quietly, letting the pencil in his hand glide through his long fingers.

"Isn't love meant to make you happy?"

Camille's never been more right. She's never said something so off hand, but at the same time spoken such truth. Shouldn't Kendall be happy? Shouldn't he be happy with what he's found with James?

He is.

He knows he loves James. He knows that.

But he also knows he loves Carlos.

And that's what's the most shocking. Not that he loves him, because that's been there all along, but to finally _realize _that he loves him. To look into those shinning bright eyes and know that he holds Kendall's heart completely. To know that he loved him from the moment he met him and most importantly to know that he will always love him.

Kendall might end up with James, he might end up with someone completely different or hell, he might even end up with a girl, but that doesn't change the main fact; Carlos will always hold a piece of his heart that no one will ever be able to touch.

Kendall might look back on his life when he is older and no matter where he is, who he is with or what has happened in his life; he will look back and remember the boy with mocha eyes, the bright smile and he knows his heart will hurt.

But that's ok.

It has to be ok.

Because he has to let Carlos be loved the way he deserves, he has to let Carlos be happy. And that's not going to be with him.

But that's ok.

It has to be ok.

"Yeah" Kendall finally replies to Camille.

She doesn't say much more after that, sort of picking up on Kendall's "I want to go die in a hole and no one talk to me whilst doing so" kind of vibe.

Kendall holds his breath when he hears James' voice from the back of the room.

"Sorry I'm late everyone"

The professor practically skips down the stairs to the front of the lecture theatre with a big smile on his face and almost a spring in his step. This makes Kendall smile slightly; it's nice to know James was affected by him so much last night and this morning.

And this is what Kendall hates the most. He hates how he his heart suddenly opened its self up to all these new feelings for Carlos but now, as James stands there looking perfect and beautiful and everything Kendall thought he always wanted; his heart is at war.

James' beautiful, melodic voice begins to talk about the lecture and poetry and Emily Bronte and some other things that don't even register in Kendall's brain. All he can think about is the way James held him, the way his burning hazel eyes looked into his own and held them with undeniable love.

"Hey Kendall" Camille whispers in his ear, surprising him for the second time today.

"Yeah?"

"Carlos just sent me a text"

Kendall tries to ignore the way his heart just skipped a beat.

Camille shows Kendall her phone and he reads the message quickly.

**Carlos: **_Hey Camille :) Can you tell Kendall to do his dare? Thanks! Oh and he has to do it, like, there's no escape :P _

Kendall practically has to place a hand over his mouth to stop from swearing loudly in front of the whole class.

"Fuck" He breathes, passing a hand over his face.

"What dare?" Camille whispers, placing her phone back in her pocket and grinning in anticipation.

"Nothing" Kendall grumbles, but Camille won't give it a rest.

"He says you have to do whatever it is"

"I'm not going to"

"But he says you have to"

"No Camille"

"But what –"

"No!"

Pretty much the whole class turns to stare at Kendall after his sudden outburst that he didn't realise was going to be so loud.

Awkward.

But he doesn't notice all the other people staring, they all fade away into nothing; all he can do is lock eyes with James. Suddenly, nothing else matters.

There is no Carlos.

There is no thought of dimples and mocha eyes.

There is not raging war being fought.

It's James.

Its hazel eyes and heart crushing emotions.

Kendall doesn't know whether to cry or laugh or to just die right here right now. He's thinking that dying is probably on the cards because he's heart seems to have stopped.

The urge to run down the stairs and jump into James' arms is reaching a breaking point; but he will resist. And he is certainly not going through with that dare. But he does know he is going to talk to James the minute class is over.

If class ever finishes that is. Kendall tries to distract himself by looking between his watch and back at James. James himself seems to be having a hard time concentrating, but only Kendall seems to notice.

"Alright, that's probably it for today guys, have a nice night" James says with five minutes to spare, shifting behind his desk nervously and looking at some papers on his desk.

But only Kendall notices the agitation, the hesitation, the nervousness. He notices it because that's exactly how he's feeling right now. He says his goodbyes to Camille in a rush, and she leaves without so much as one word, clearly confused to how strange Kendall is acting, but he doesn't care. He walks down the stairs slowly, he would run but he wants to wait until everyone is out of the room before he can... well he doesn't know what he's going to do.

Kendall jumps off the last step and onto solid ground, dropping his books down on the closest seat and lifting himself up to sit on the long desk that spans out across the room in front of the first row.

James sighs softly before he looks up to Kendall from the stack of papers on his desk, but when he does his breath hitches and his hands visibly ball into tight fists.

No one says a word, no one is even breathing as James stands from his desk and walks around to stand in front of Kendall. Kendall is sitting at the perfect height for James to rest himself between the blonde's legs and reach his hands up to hold Kendall's face gently.

"Hi" Kendall says softly, unsure how he even managed words in a moment like this.

"Hi" James replies with a small smile, running a hand through Kendall's dirty blonde hair.

Kendall's lips part in a sigh as he leans into James' touch effortlessly. His hands reach to grab James' light shirt and pull the man into him until their bodies are pressed together tightly.

Neither makes a move; James simply holding Kendall's face sweetly whilst Kendall holds his shirt and both stare into each other's eyes as if they hold the secrets to the universe. There's so much Kendall wants to say, but he can't find the words. James leans in closer, until their noses are almost touching and closes his eyes as he breathes Kendall in slowly.

"Kendall" He whispers, resting their foreheads together.

"James" Kendall whispers in return, his breathing beginning to quicken as his hands tighten their grip on the light white shirt.

Their lips are so close, yet so far. Kendall knows it would not take any effort to seal their lips together, but he just can't make the move. He just can't do anything right now. James however makes the move, after what feels like a life time, moving ever so slightly forward until Kendall can taste his sweet breath on his tongue.

"Wait" Kendall breathes quietly but quickly.

James doesn't respond, but he waits, waits with silent anticipation as he captivates Kendall's emerald eyes.

No.

No more waiting.

Kendall doesn't continue his thoughts, instead kissing James softly and letting his eyes flutter shut. James takes no time to respond, pulling himself into Kendall gently as his fingers hold onto blonde hair lightly. Kendall parts his lips for James, as if they've done this a million times before, and finds a soft moan escape his lips at James' tongue now dances with his own. His hands move around the professor's strong waist and hold him firmly in place, trying to pull the man in further but it is physically impossible.

Kendall didn't know it would feel like this. He didn't know the spark would remain after what his heart admitted to itself. But he was wrong. So wrong. Kissing James now was the only thing that mattered, the only thing his heart craved for and the only thing he wanted to never let go. He wanted to be in James' strong arms forever.

Kendall is surprised when he feels hot tears find their joined lips, but what is even more surprising is the fact that the tears belong to him.

James pulls away, but only by an inch, resting their foreheads back together and staring into Kendall's now tear clouded eyes with nothing but concern.

Before James even has a chance to speak the words roll out of Kendall's lips like a recited poem and he can't keep them in.

"I'm in love with Carlos"

The words hang in the air like a question, but there are no breaths and no words spoken in response. Instead James kisses Kendall quickly, his hands running through his hair and holding the side of his neck tenderly.

James lets his lips hover Kendall's as he speaks softly, his voice cracking with pain, "I'm in love with Logan"

Kendall's not surprised. He's not shocked. He's not angry. He's not... anything. He doesn't know how to feel. Instead he kisses James again, this time wrapping his legs tightly around the man's waist and clutching at his strong shoulders.

No words are spoken as tears and clothes fall to the floor and bodies begin to move together in a way they both crave and have both been aching for what feels like an eternity.

The thought of being caught doesn't even enter his mind. The thought of James making love to him in the middle of the lecture theatre doesn't even enter his mind. Carlos; doesn't even enter his mind.

All there is right now is James moving inside him slow and deep and the gasps and moans that are flowing from his lips like prayers. It seems their lips never stray too far from one another, only to moan incoherent words and to attach themselves to other parts of skin. Kendall can feel himself beginning to come apart at the seams as James quickens his pace; his head falling into the crook of James' neck as he breathes roughly into the hot skin and he is holding onto the man for dear life.

"_I love you"_

Three little words escape into the air and are heard before there is a chance to catch them. Kendall doesn't know if they were spoken by James or himself, because all his mind can comprehend is this pure bliss, this bittersweet bliss.

James holds Kendall a little while longer, even after it's all over. He simply holds him tightly as soft tears fall, and it seems there are no intentions of ever letting go.

"_I love you too"_

But we all must let go in the end.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: :) **

**As always, there is so much to say but when I get to writing the A/N I can never remember it...**

**So basically, enjoy the chapter. **

**And I have so much love for all of you and your continued support and praise never ceases to amaze me and make my heart swell. **

**Oh and I changed my pen name. Only because my old one was SO lame. I think I made it when I was 15 and wanted to review Harry Potter fanfiction... No judging! So yeah I thought I would have my Twitter name. Cause Schmidt apparently is uncommon and not taken :P Unlike my middle name... which is what I was going to have. SophieElizabeth looked so much better. Sigh. **

**Anyway! Read on :) **

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen.**

Kendall sits in his car, the car is not moving nor is it running, it is merely an object in which Kendall has taken up residence. Well, for the past two hours anyway. His hands grip the wheel, which is seemingly unnecessary, but it helps him feel better.

_What am I doing?_

Is the question rolling around his head, and one he is unable to shake.

But seriously, what is Kendall Knight doing? Aside from sitting in car in the now ever growing darkness and muttering nonsense words under his breath, what is Kendall doing with his life?

James.

Carlos.

Carlos.

James.

James. Carlos. James. Carlos. James. Carlos.

If he mutters it enough it will soon morph into the word Jarlos. Which sounds weird. He's not keen.

"Come to a fundraising dinner with me! He says" Kendall mutters angrily, banging his head on the wheel, "I love Logan but I love you! He says"

I don't know why, I don't even think Kendall knows why, but it helps to repeat their last conversation over and over again as if he were telling to someone else... but Kendall buddy... you're alone.

"You're everything I'll ever want! He says. But I can't physically live without Logan in my life! He says. God fucking damn it. I don't want to go to a fucking fundraising dinner with him, but then I do, but then I don't, but I do, but Logan will be there, and it's just going to be awkward with Logan now... but what's even more awkward is me talking to myself in. My. Car!"

Kendall knows he is being insane, he knows that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, but it helps. No one can hear you in your car, when you're all alone with the door locked... it's just you and your voice. It's fan-fucking-tastic.

He hates how the afternoon played out, and that's a really loosely based use of the word "hate" because to say that he hates having sex with James up against the cool hard desks of the lecture theatre would be a downright lie; it was more of the conversation that followed. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't some post sex awkward "hey can you pass me my shirt you ripped off?" sort of thing as they both avoid eye contact, no it was more of a "We both love our best friends, and each other and I don't want to talk about it right now" sort of thing. Well actually that's what Kendall wanted; James on the other hand thought it would ease some of the tension if he spoke. And speaking is _never _a good idea. Keeping your mouth shut is the way the world should roll.

Kendall could probably handle the whole "I love you but also my best friend" conversation, but what he can't handle is being asked on a... on a _date. _Is it even a date? Apparently_ "it's like a dinner... party... function... thing", _you know for a professor of English Literature, James Diamond sometimes has a terrible way with words. So this dinner, party, function, thing, is basically an event to raise money for cancer research, which is great and Kendall's not knocking the event its self, what he's knocking is the fact James has invited him to a university event, which is being run through the medical school... Now there are two main flaws in that.

One: Being a university event pretty much the whole faculty will be there, so Kendall's not too sure how that plays in with it being a "date" and keeping this whole thing a secret.

Two: Logan will be there. Of course he will be there, no question. Kendall also knows Carlos is attending; he's pretty sure all the medicine students are.

Great. Awesome. Splendid. Fantastic.

Luckily James wasn't expecting an answer straight away; the dinner isn't for a few weeks so Kendall's got time. But a few weeks... that's forever in the time of torn love. Who knows what Kendall will want in a few weeks? And he doesn't even care if that sounds dramatic or over the top, the truth remains.

When the sun is well and truly set and the chill begins to seep through the cracks of the car, giving Kendall goose bumps, he starts to think that maybe it's time to go home. But he doesn't know if that's even a good idea. Carlos will be there... Carlos... _his_ Carlos.

Kendall's current muttering about something to do with Carlos and love is interrupted by the ear piercing shrill of his cell phone, cutting through the silence of the car like a knife and making Kendall jump in his seat. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and almost winces when he see's who's calling. A bright, happy face greets him; a face smiling so big it should crack the screen. And even despite this current state of depression the photo, and in fact the caller themselves, never fails to make Kendall smile.

He has barely put the phone to his ear when a voice starts speaking at about a million miles a minute. "_Kendall! Where are you? Why aren't you home? You only finish at like 5 don't you? I've been staring back and forth between the door and my phone waiting for you to show up or at least text! You better have a good explanation mister!"_

Kendall sort of wants to cry. Or laugh. Or, I don't know. Why must Carlos care about him so much? Why must he loves that Carlos cares about him so much? Why must he love Carlos so much?

"Settle down" Kendall smiles, "I was uh... I was busy"

"_Are you with James?" _

The question doesn't come across as bitter necessarily... but it's definitely... it's icier than Carlos' normal tone. Which is... interesting.

"No" Kendall snaps back, before quickly speaking again to not seem like a total dick to his best friend. "No I just went to the library and got carried away with studying"

_"Oh... Well, you still should have called me! You know I worry!"_

"That's silly. Don't worry about me" Kendall sighs, resting his head on the steering wheel and closing his eyes tight shut.

"_Why would I not worry about you?" _

Kendall can almost _hear _Carlos' pout.

"Because I'm not worth worrying about"

_"Well now I don't think you've ever said anything so wrong Mr Knight. Sometimes... Ok well don't laugh at me but sometimes when I start to worry about you my mind starts imagining all these things that could've happened and I just worry myself to the point of near insanity. When you don't come home straight away I think about where you are, who you're with... What if you don't come home to me? What if one day you decide you don't need me anymore? I don't know what I would do without you Kendall; I don't think I could live without you. A life without Kendall Knight in it is a life I don't want to live at all. You've always been... well you're my everything"_

"See you in five minutes"

Kendall doesn't even check to see if he's hung up, instead flinging his phone onto the passenger seat and putting the car in gear so fast he has barely taken two breaths since Carlos' last words...

_"You're my everything"_

My everything... My everything.

_Everything._

* * *

The drive back to their dorm probably takes less than five minutes, and is probably so close that Kendall often asks himself why he even bothers driving in the first place. But it's always cold... and Kendall's lazy and he really has no better excuses than that.

His heart is beating a thousand beats per minute as he runs up the stairs and the blood rushes through his head. He doesn't know what he's going to say, or what he's going to do, but it's going to be... _right. _

He throws the door open to their room, his breath hitching in his chest and his feet planting themselves to the ground as he takes in the sight before him. It's a sight he see's almost every day, so it's not like it should be that unusual, but it's so different now. There is Carlos, sprawled out on his bed, head snapping up at Kendall's sudden arrival. But once that initial shock is over it gives way to that signature beaming smile, the smile that melts Kendall's heart in mere seconds. Carlos' shoulders relax and he lets out a long sigh, like he's just been _waiting _for Kendall to come back, like he couldn't be at ease until Kendall was home and safe.

Carlos jumps off the bed, throwing his text book down carelessly and continues to smile, "Hey! You really did get home fast, I was –"

Carlos is abruptly silenced as Kendall crosses the room in mere seconds, scooping Carlos up in his arms and crushing their lips together with so much intensity everything else is now, irrelevant.

* * *

"What do you want to do about dinner?" Logan asks lazily as he rests in James' lap, James' long fingers playing absentmindedly with his soft brunette hair.

"James?" Logan asks again, turning away from the TV to look directly up at his best friend.

"Oh sorry baby?" James says quickly, snapping out of his daydreams.

"I asked what you wanted to do for dinner"

"Anything you want" James smiles, leaning forward to kiss Logan softly. Logan meets him halfway, twisting a hand around James' neck and pulling himself up to deepen the kiss.

James can't deny that this feels right. He's not going to try and lie to himself and say that after this afternoon with Kendall, kissing Logan now feels wrong. No, not at all. In fact there is no where he would rather be than here, in their house, watching the TV, with Logan sprawled out across the couch, his head in James' lap and just... just being together. The thing about Logan and James is that they don't need words, they don't need to constantly entertain each other, they don't need anything, as long as they have each other.

"Mmm" Logan smiles against James' lips before untwining his hand from James' hair and lying back down. "I've missed this"

"Me too" James smiles right back, before running his fingers through Logan's hair once more.

"Although it's not that different from before, we're just adding the kissing now"

James can't help but laugh, unable to help himself from kissing Logan once again but this time shifting his body smoothly so he is now hovering over Logan on the couch and kissing him roughly. "Kissing like this you mean?" He breathes against the brunettes neck.

"Yes" Logan gasps, hands grasping at soft hair to pull James into him rough and hard.

Apparently dinner has been forgotten.

"Logan" James moans against the brunette's pale skin as their hips grind together in a way that can only drive both men crazy.

James knows where this is going, and he knows where it's going _fast. _And he wants it, oh he wants it, he wants to own Logan right here right now on their couch and not hesitate for a second.

But...

He hesitates.

"Logan wait"

"No, no waiting" Logan groans against his lips, hands trailing down to work on the buttons of James' shirt.

"No this is important. I need to talk to you about something"

"Fine" Logan huffs, pushing James off him a little too harshly and sitting up on the couch, crossing his arms in a sulk.

"Aw Logie" James chuckles, twisting himself on the couch to face Logan dead on and resting his head in his propped elbow, "You always were a horny devil"

"And you always were a cock tease"

Logan trying to be pissed off has always been one of the cutest things to James. He doesn't know why. It might be that little pout he does, or the way he always crosses his arms or maybe the way he always goes out of his way not to make eye contact. Or maybe it's because no matter what James does, he knows he is always forgiven.

Always.

"What do you want to talk about? What's so important that it interrupts me and my sweet moves?"

James raises an eyebrow and tries not to smirk too much, "Your moves?"

"Oh you love my moves James Diamond" Logan bites.

"I really, _really _do" James grins, carding a hand through Logan's hair.

"You're making it worse. Hurry up and get this talking nonsense out of the way so I can have you inside of me, making me scream on this couch"

"Jesus" James breathes, swallowing the lump in his throat at the images Logan is place in his mind. Maybe talking could just come later... No. Focus. "Um yeah so I need to tell you something. Something that happened today"

"What?" Logan sighs, turning to face James and mirroring his position.

"I uh... ok, well before I say that I just want to ask you something. What are... what are we? What are we doing Logan?"

"What do you mean?" Logan says slowly, his brow furrowing slightly.

"Well are we... I don't know, we never really spoke about it this morning, but are we official now? Are you my 'boyfriend'? Even though I hate that term... Are you my partner or whatever?"

"'Or whatever?' Ooh how romantic of you" Logan grins teasingly, "Are you asking me if you and I are the real deal again? And we're exclusive and are officially together? And am I going to change my relationship status on Facebook to "In a relationship with James Diamond"?"

"Shut up" James says as he rolls his eyes, but unable to laugh along with Logan. "But yes basically, I mean aside from the Facebook thing, because that's lame"

"Welllll" Logan says slowly, grabbing James' free hand and twinning their fingers together, "That's up to you"

"Why me?"

"Because you're the one in love with Kendall"

It's said so casually, and there's no bitterness in Logan's words, it's just a matter of fact. But none the less it slightly catches James off guard.

"W-what do you –"

"I just meant that I know you love me, but I know you love him too. And I'm not going to ask you to be mine if... if that's not what you want"

"Oh Logan" James sighs, pulling Logan into his arms quickly. "I thought we discussed this, you're all I want"

"Yes, but you want him too" Logan mumbles into the white shirt whilst James clutches him tightly.

"I'm not going to lie" James says slowly, running his fingers up and down Logan's back, "I do want him. And I do love him. But that doesn't change how I feel about you. I love you Logan Mitchell, so much, and I don't ever want to be without you"

"Don't say that" Logan says softly, voice beginning to crack, "Because... because if you choose him... I-I don't know if... I don't know if I'll be able to do this anymore"

"Do what?"

"Everything. If you start dating him and he is here all the time, I won't be able to stand it. I won't be able to watch you come down the stairs every morning and give you your toast with a smile, it will hurt too much to know you didn't pick me"

"L-Logan I –"

"But that's ok, because if you don't pick me I'll have to be ok with that. I will move out of your life and try to be ok. It's not like I won't want to see you, and of course I will on occasion, but being in your life like I am now... I couldn't do it. Not after today. I thought I was fine with living together as "friends" but we were never friends James... not really; we were always more than that. And I don't think we could ever be just friends, I wouldn't be able to handle seeing you in ten years time with someone else. I couldn't go to your wedding as your "friend" and watch you marry someone that wasn't me"

"Don't do this" James whispers, on the edge of tears, "Don't make this harder"

"You've decided haven't you?" Logan chokes, hands clutching at James' shirt tightly.

"Logan I –"

"J-just tell me James. Is it me, or is it him?"

* * *

**Hmmmm what is he going to say? Who should he choose...**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hey ladies and gents, here is Sophie, with another update. An update that may or may not make you angry with me... again. And it's quite short, only because where I have ended it was just... it _had _to end there. I tried going on but it just wouldn't work, this chapter was perfect in it's content... as in perfect in size, not writing or whatever... Sophie shh.**

**A few things: The NFL football team of Cleveland, Ohio is the Browns right? That's what Google tells me (I'm not American, no judging). And also according to Google, Cleveland Hospital is the best hospital in America for cardiology. Oh and for anyone who doesn't know, a cardiologist is basically just a heart doctor. **

**Oh! BTR did a cover of the song "Let Me Love You"... like... um... what?! That is just so... ugh. Lol what if one of them reads fanfic and was all "Oh hey guys, totally randomally, but we should sing Let Me Love You at soundcheck..." CAN YOU IMAGINE?**

**But I doubt it...**

**And one more thing... I'm sorry :(**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen.**

"Logan I –"

"J-just tell me James. Is it me, or is it him?"

Logan pulls back so he can look straight into James' hazel eyes that are now glistening at the brim. He wants the answer straight out, no hesitation, and no lie in those eyes.

"Logan, you can't... you can't just expect me to make this decision right now" James says calmly; well as calm as he can try and be at this moment in time.

"Yes I can. And I'm not doing it to be an asshole, or pushy or needy or whatever, but I think you can agree that I have the right to know if you don't want to be with me"

"Are you kidding? The fact that you even think I don't want to be with you is insane"

"Then the answer should be easy"

"But it's not Logan!" James sighs angrily, suddenly feeling the urge to punch a wall. "Ok well what about you? What about Carlos?"

The question throws Logan slightly, it's certainly not what he was expecting and to be honest, Carlos was the last thing on his mind right now.

"Well..." He says slowly, "I really do like Carlos. I think he's funny and sweet and cute and... he's a great guy..."

"But?" James prompts.

"But, he's not you"

James can't stand it, he really can't, he can't stand the words and the tears and the heart breaking eyes, so instead; he kisses Logan. He kisses him soft and sweet, and yet rough and passionate, trying to communicate to Logan all the things he is feeling but can't say. And there is so much.

James expects Logan to break away, expects him to get angry and demand that they keep talking; but he doesn't. Instead he kisses James back hungrily, letting his hands fist themselves through James' soft brunette hair.

It doesn't take long for their clothes to be in a chaotic pile on the floor and for Logan to be lowering himself down onto James' hard length.

"Fuck" Logan gasps into the crook of James' neck, hands clutching at hot, sweaty skin.

"Mm, yes, so good" James moans, holding Logan's slim hips tightly as his best friend rides him long and hard.

James loves seeing Logan like this; completely blissed out. With lips slightly parted, white teeth sinking softly into his plump bottom lip, eyes closed, brow slightly crooked, salty beads of sweat trickling slowly down the side of his face and his chest and hair that is usually so styled now messy and matted. He loves it because it makes him realise that Logan is all his, no one else's, and there is no one else in this moment that can make Logan feel this way.

"James" Logan pants, his hips quickening their pace to match his ever quickening breaths, "I love you"

"I love you too" James replies without hesitation, bringing their lips together quickly to kiss Logan so hard it's a wonder he doesn't pass out.

"So close" Logan breathes into James' mouth, the tall brunette understanding Logan's silent plea of "_touch me"_

So James does. He takes Logan's throbbing erection into his large hand and begins to pump quickly; making sure Logan truly appreciates every single second of this indescribable bliss.

They both cry out almost simultaneously, both reaching their climaxes in a way that has the room spinning and stars filter their vision.

"So perfect" James whispers roughly, his breath still heaving and Logan now collapsed on his chest.

"So perfect" Logan says back with a smile, despite how his heart is feeling.

They lay like that for awhile, simply feeling each other's presence. James runs his fingers through Logan's matted hair and Logan calms his mind by listening to the steady beat of James' heart. Logan is so attuned to the sound now, even after all these years he could pick out James' heart beat in a crowd. It helps that when Logan was studying to be a doctor he would make James play patient for hours upon hours, prodding and poking him with stethoscopes because it helped his "studies". In truth, Logan just liked listening to the sound of James' heart, and how it would quicken whenever Logan would say three little words.

"I love you" Logan says against James' chest, smiling when he hears the heart beat instantly pick up pace. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure" James says softly, kissing the top of Logan's head.

"I didn't want to be a professor"

"Huh?"

Logan lifts up from James' chest so he can look into his favourite pair of hazel eyes, but doesn't move from his position on James' lap. "Well, I wanted to be a doctor. A proper doctor. I wanted to work in a hospital and save lives; in fact I was going to specialize in cardiology. It was my ultimate dream. In fact... ok well secret number two; I got offered a residency at Cleveland Cardiology in Ohio"

"Logan!" James says angrily, with a mixture of shock on his face, "What the hell?! Why didn't you tell me? And why didn't you take the job?"

"Isn't the answer obvious?" Logan replies in a small, hurt voice, averting his gaze from James' and bowing his head.

James cups Logan's chin gently in his hand, tilting his head up and forcing him to look right into his eyes. "What is it Logie?"

"You" He says in barely a whisper.

"Me?" James says in disbelief.

"Yes, you. Remember how you worked at that awful book publishers for a few years whilst I was still finishing my degree?"

"Of course. We moved into our first place together off campus" James smiles.

"Yeah, and you hated your job but I know you kept it because it meant we could still be together, at least whilst I was still at school anyway. Because I know you got that shit job too so that when I got my residency somewhere you wouldn't feel bad about having to quit and you could be an editor anywhere in America"

"Yes... But what does this have to do with you being a fool?"

"Well, I remember getting the call about Cleveland and I was so excited, because that was just my dream. I remember reading a medical journal in the library about "The Top Hospitals of The World" and for heart surgery and cardiology Cleveland just outshone them all and ever since then I decided that's where I wanted to go, so getting in was just... it was amazing. So I waited a little bit to tell you because I think you were having a bad week at work or something and I wanted to wait until it was just the right time. And I even... I got this stupid card that said "Bon Voyage!" and wrote in it something like _"I hope you like Ohio :)"_ and I got home you were waiting for me with this big smile on your face and I've never seen you so excited. And before I could even ask you what was going on you scooped me up into your arms and twirled me around on the spot and kissed me over every inch of my face and said "_Logie I got a job at Yale! I'm going to be a professor!" _and then... Well that's when I realised"

"What?" James says quietly, tears pooling in his eyes.

"My dream had changed. It wasn't to be a cardiologist in Ohio, or even to be a doctor, because my dream... my dream was you. And wherever you were, was where I would be happiest in life"

James opens his mouth to speak but Logan places a finger over his lips so he can keep talking. "And that's what scared me about Kendall I think. I'd seen you date heaps of people since me but never had you felt so strongly about someone else... And I could tell simply from the way you looked at him when he was at dinner, I hadn't seen that look into your eyes since... well since me and it made me realise that you could actually have a life with him and it's not like if you were with someone else we would still live together. I need you in my life so badly James, you're my dream, my one and only. I love you, always have, and always will. Even if you do pick Kendall"

"Logan" James whispers, bringing their lips together as the tears fall from his eyes, "Logan Logan Logan"

"I know I'm stupid" Logan breathes against James' lips.

"Yes, you're stupid, but that's one of the many reasons I love you"

James runs the back of his hand across Logan's cheek, looking deep into his eyes as he considers what he's going to say next. "Do you still have the card?"

"What?"

"The 'Bon Voyage' card?"

"Oh" Logan smiles sadly, "Yeah I think so. Hang on"

Logan jumps off James quickly and pulls on his boxers, and James heart instantly hurts from not having him in his arms. James pulls on his boxers too and waits for what feels like forever for Logan to return, when actually he is only about 5 minutes.

"Found it" Logan smiles as he comes back into the room, falling down on the couch so he is curled up into James' side and his legs draped over James' lap.

Logan takes the slightly dusty card out of its envelope, and smiles softly as his fingers trace across the picture of two little bears holding hands and walking off into the sunset.

"Are we supposed to be the two little bears?" James whispers, pulling Logan tighter into his embrace and running smooth lines up and down his spine.

"Yep. And the sunset is supposed to be Ohio I guess" He laughs.

James smiles into Logan's hair as the short brunette opens the card and begins to read.

"_Dear Jamie. You're probably wondering what the Bon Voyage is for, considering people usually get these cards for people going on holidays. Well, no, I am not taking you on a holiday; I don't love you that much... Actually if you asked I probably would take you anywhere in the world. But no, no holidays yet because I think we will be too busy moving... How do you feel about the Browns? I think you hate the Browns... anyway, this is my subtle way of saying: I got accepted into Cleveland Caridiology Hospital :) So James Diamond, would you do me the honour of moving to Ohio with me? Because I can't leave you... Ever. And I don't want to be one little bear walking off into the sunset, the two little bears need to stick together, forever. Love, Logie"_

Logan sighs softly as he closes the card and places it back in the envelope before James kisses him on the nose, causing Logan to scrunch up his face cutely and giggle.

"You're such a silly little bear" James whispers.

"I know I am"

"But you're _my _silly little bear"

"Can we be silly little bears together? Walk off into that sunset?" Logan looks up into James' eyes and waits; he will wait forever as long as he can stay in these strong arms.

"You'll always be my silly little bear, forever, and I will be yours"

"Does that... does that mean it's me then? You pick me?" Logan says hopefully, his heart beginning to swell in his chest.

James takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again to look straight into that deep chocolate he loves so much, ready to say his next words confidentially; but as the words slip from his lips they come out in barely a whisper, but Logan still hears them, still hears them as loud as day and he will continue to hear them in his mind for the rest of his life.

"_No"_


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hey ya. It's late, I'm tired and a little bit sad, so this chapter is... **

**It is what it is and I hope you are ok with it. x**

**I anticipate a few more chapters still, there is still _a lot _more that needs to be said and done so... keep that in mind.**

**A lot of you have been leaving a particular quote in your reiviews and it really got my mind spinning...**

**_"If you're in love with two people, pick the second one. If you really loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."_**

**Anything else?**

**I love you all. Very much. And your opinions and comments and praise make me so so so so so so so happy. They keep Sophie smiling.**

**x**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen.**

Carlos barely has any time to register what is going on between Kendall opening the door, him standing from his desk and then being scooped up in Kendall's arm and kissed passionately. For a second it's almost like he is someone else, looking down at himself and Kendall; lips connected and bodies joined.

Carlos would be lying if he said he didn't kiss back, because he does. He grasps at Kendall, trying to pull him in closer and closer until the air between them is suffocating and thick, but that's ok. This kiss is much different to the one they shared on the sidewalk; this one is full of need, full of want and full of heat. It's like the explosion of... Carlos isn't going to say fireworks, but it's definitely an explosion and it leaves him shaken and scarred.

"Kendall" He tries to breathe between kisses, "Kendall, wait"

But Kendall can't wait, because all there is right now is his lips on Carlos' neck and there should be no further thought beyond that.

"Kendall, please" Carlos asks again, trying not to lose himself in the ecstasy.

Despite his better judgement, Kendall stops. Only because Carlos asked and he isn't going to deny that boy anything. He doesn't say anything, simply moves back ever so slightly so their faces are close and their eyes are connected and he raises an eyebrow in question.

"Why are you doing this?" Carlos asks softly.

"Carlos..." Kendall begins slowly. "I've been thinking a lot... ever since we kissed this morning. I've realised a lot of things about myself, about _us_that I don't want to ignore anymore"

"So what does this mean?"

"It means... It means I love you Carlos Garcia" Kendall smiles softly, letting his hand cradle Carlos' cheek, his thumb brushing across the boys' high cheekbone.

"K-Kendall" Carlos stutters, his breath taken away from those words, "I don't know what to say"

"Then don't say anything" Kendall whispers against his lips, "Just let this happen"

Kendall moves to connect their lips once more but Carlos speaks before he can do so. "Kendall, I don't... what about James? And Logan?"

Kendall sighs with a slight frown; Carlos is kind of starting to kill the moment. "Do you love me?"

"W-well yeah but –"

"Do you love Logan?"

"A-ah yeah, I d-do. You know how I feel about Logan. And I know how you feel about James; you can't lie and say you feel nothing for him anymore"

"You're right, and I'm not going to lie, I do have strong feelings for James and I believe I always will but –"

"Well then no buts, you can't be in love with me and in love with him at the same time"

"Yes, I can. I might love him but I'm not just going to ignore the love that's been right in front of my face for 20 years"

"Kendall" Carlos sighs, placing one hand on either side of the blonde's face and holding him tightly, "I love you, and yeah there will always be a part of me that loves you and cares for you and holds you above anything else, but... but I don't think that's enough. I think you're confused. I think suddenly getting with the man of your dreams after all these years has shocked you a little bit and you're just a bit conflicted. I think maybe you're starting to realise that you're not going to be the one who needs to protect me all the time and that makes you jealous. I'm not saying I'm not jealous too, cause I am. The way James looks at you... it makes me feel... I dunno. But it's hard. It's hard to see the boy you've looked up to your whole life suddenly look up to someone else..."

"Carlos..." Kendall whispers, "What are you getting at?"

"What I'm trying to say is... We can't be together Kendall"

Carlos can practically see Kendall's heart shatter behind his eyes, he can see that raw, undeniable heart break that almost has him change his mind. But he won't.

"But Carlos, I love you" Kendall almost whimpers, the tears starting to spring in his emerald eyes.

"I know you do, but I think you're getting your love confused" Carlos replies calmly, trying to not let Kendall's tears get to him. "The thing is Kendall... You could have had me when we were 16... You could have had me when you held me close at sleepovers and whispered in my ear that I was the best friend in the world. You could have had me when I would look up at you with such adoration in my eyes... You've always been my everything Kendall, and I know I've always loved you and I can't tell you what it means to hear that you love me too... it's all I've ever wanted. But it's just... it's about five years too late. I've always been here Kendall, but only now you realise you love me? That has to mean something"

"B-but Carlos –"

"If you truly loved me, you wouldn't have fallen in love with someone else."

* * *

Kendall doesn't know where he's driving too, he can barely see the road through his tears, and the worst part is he _hates _crying. Crying is the truest form of weakness in Kendall's set of beliefs. And he never thought Carlos would be the reason for his tears. Carlos has always been the reason Kendall smiles, the reason he laughs, the reason he feels happy even when the world gives him shit, because Carlos was always _his, _his to come home to.

Not anymore.

Kendall doesn't know what this means for their relationship... friendship... for them. Kendall can't face seeing him now, he's not sure he can face seeing him ever again but that thought in itself is even more heart breaking. He knows Carlos loves him, he said it himself, but apparently _"that's not enough"_

Kendall thought love was always supposed to be enough.

Kendall finds himself in the parking lot for the 24 hour diner he has spent a great percentage of his college career. He finds it easy to concentrate here, ordering coffee after coffee and letting his mind focus on the task at hand. Studying in his dorm is almost an impossible task when your roommate has the attention span of a goldfish and needs constant entertainment.

He smiles sadly with his hands still clasped tightly to the wheel of memories that were not even that long ago, memories of studying here to all hours and Carlos sending him lots of messages.

_"When are you coming hommeeeeeeee?"_

_"Carlos is lonely... he needs Kendall"_

_"If you don't reply I'll assume you've been kidnapped... :("_

_"I miss seeing your face. Stop studying and come home"_

Kendall would always roll his eyes at the messages, but he would always reply.

_"I'll be home soon, don't fret"_

_"Kendall is lonely too, he needs Carlos"_

_"I haven't been kidnapped you fool... :)"_

_"I miss your face more. I'm coming home now"_

If Carlos called, Kendall would always come running.

He walks into the diner, the familiar girl behind the counter who always seems to be working yet studies at Yale too, smiles at him. He seems to remember her name is Jennifer.

He's about to slide into the first booth he see's but something, or perhaps that should be _someone _catches his eye. He feels like he would recognise those broad shoulders and that soft brunette hair anywhere. He checks his watch, it's late but not ridiculously so... yet Kendall feels this is not really the place the brunette would normally be at this time of night. Shouldn't he be tucked up on the couch with his best friend?

"James?" He says softly, causing the brunette to turn around quickly in slight shock.

"K-Kendall?" He stutters, his voice broken and hoarse and the tears still evident on his cheeks,

"James what happened?" Kendall asks rapidly, taking a seat opposite James and concern now painting his face. "What are you doing here?"

"Um, I, ah" James mumbles, trying to get his voice back to normal, "I like to come here when I don't know where else to go. The coffee's good, the people are nice and it's open 24 hours"

"Me too" Kendall smiles softly, "But why are you here now?"

"Logan... Logan and I... Logan told me to get out"

James' words are hollow, empty, and if it weren't for the tears Kendall would be worried that he is now void of all emotion. He sounds completely dead inside, and it breaks Kendall's heart.

"Why?" Kendall whispers, leaning in to James and beginning to create that personal bubble that always seems to surround the two.

"He... I... We were watching TV, like normal, and then we started to kiss and then he wanted to talk so we did... B-basically he gave me an ultimatum; I had to choose, him or you"

"Oh" Kendall says softly, letting his eyes drop down to his hands on the table and feeling his heart plummet.

"Yes... and I told him that he couldn't just expect me to make that decision because it's not exactly easy and we yelled at each other for a little bit, but we, ah, then we stopped talking for a bit..."

"What do you mean you – ohhhh"

Yeah, Kendall doesn't need details of their sex life.

"Yeah, so um, that happened and we were just lying their afterwards, and he started talking about all this stuff that I didn't even know about, about how he wanted to be a cardiologist and he got offered a job at a really prestigious hospital in Cleveland, Ohio, but... b-but he turned it down because I got a job at Yale and he didn't want to leave me"

Without thinking Kendall jumps up from his seat and moves around the booth to slide in next to James. He puts his arms around him and neither says a word as James falls into Kendall's hold and cries silently and softly.

"So what happened next?" Kendall whispers after a little while when he feels James has calmed down a bit.

"Well" James sighs, resting his head on Kendall's shoulder, "He said he couldn't live without me and it was always me and would always be me... and there was this whole thing with little bears on a card... I-it's not important, but he asked if we would always be the two little bears, and I said he would always be my silly little bear and... a-and he looked up at me with so much hope in his eyes and said "_Does this mean you pick me?" _and... and..."

"And what, James?"

James lifts his head, hazel eyes now boring into green and keeping them there. Kendall knows what he is going to say, but it doesn't stop his heart from going dead in his chest.

"I told him... _no"_

Kendall opens his mouth to speak but before he gets the chance James kisses him. Kisses him sweet and soft and Kendall feels like he is falling in love all over again.

Before he has a chance to deepen the kiss like he very much wants to he hears a throat being cleared from behind him, causing him to reluctantly break away from James and turn around.

Jennifer is standing there, simply staring at them and looks like someone has just hit her over the face with a bat.

"P-Professor Diamond" She stutters, "K-Kendall Knight?"

This is when it hits Kendall. James is his _teacher, _they are in public, for the whole world to see and they just completely let their barriers down. In that moment they weren't teacher and student, they weren't 27 and 21, they were equals; equals brought together by love.

"Hi Jennifer" James says calmly and coolly, "I didn't know you worked here"

"Um, y-yeah... did you – um – did you want anything to drink?"

"Two coffee's please Jennifer" James smiles, and she scurries off to the counter, flustered and in shock.

"Shit shit shit" Kendall mutters, wanting to bury his head in James' shoulder but instead leaning forward and hiding his head in his arms on the table.

"Kendall, it's ok" James says, running a hand up and down his back.

"No it's not!" Kendall says slightly too loudly, lowering his voice when he speaks again and glaring at James, "She could tell everyone! You could be fired"

James sighs loudly, letting his shoulders shrug slightly as he takes Kendall's hand in his and interlaces their fingers. "I was thinking of quitting anyway"

"What? Why?!" Kendall asks in disbelief.

"Because, I can't... I need to move away from New Haven"

"Move away? From New Haven? But... but why?"

"Kendall" James sighs softly, forcing the blonde to look into his eyes "I need to move on, I need to start a new life. If I stay here, stay with... if I stay here with Logan I am never going to move on and neither is he. Even if I move out he's still going to be here, he's still going to be in my life and I don't know if I can handle that, I don't know if I can handle seeing him... for now"

"But James... that's running away"

"I know, and I hate to admit that I am a coward, but I can't do it... I tried to reason with Logan, I tried to tell him that I still wanted him in my life but he was pretty black and white about it. It was pretty much... if there's you there's no him..."

"Wait..." Kendall says slowly, tightening his grip on James' hand. "Does that... does that mean you picked me? You want me?

"Yes" James smiles softly, brushing Kendall's knuckles and the back of his hand with his thumb, "It's you Kendall"

Kendall practically lunges at James then, the older man having to support them so they don't fall backwards in the booth; but Kendall doesn't care. There are no words that can come out now, no way to properly express his feelings in this moment, so Kendall must let James now how he is feeling with his lips.

"I love you" Kendall manages to say, quickly and breathlessly against James' lips.

"I love you too" James smiles sadly, letting his lips kiss Kendall's face softly.

His cheeks.

His nose.

His forehead.

His eyelids.

This moment is perfect. James makes Kendall forget. Makes him forget the pain and the heartbreak and everything that he believes was once wrong when he walked into this diner.

Kendall snaps out of this, for a second, when he hears Jennifer put the coffee's down on the table, simultaneously making a small squeaking sound that is caught between a tiny mouse and a frightened cat. But before either man can even consider saying anything she is gone.

"Why me?" Kendall whispers, their face inches apart and now so tightly wrapped up in one another the world could come crashing down around them and they would be unaware.

"Because" James sighs, "You're perfect. You make me feel... you make me feel like no one else ever has, not even Logan. Yes, I love Logan, but how I love you... it's different. When it came down to that ultimate choice of who I wanted in my life... I chose you because I don't want to miss out on knowing you Kendall. Logan and I... Logan and I have lived a lifetime together, nearly thirty years, and whilst I wouldn't take any of it back for a second, I know that I need to give myself of a new life, a new chance. I wouldn't regret a life with Logan, but I'd regret a life without you"

"I love you so much" Kendall sighs happily, leaning forward to kiss James gently. "But... I feel bad for Logan"

"I'm not going to lie to you, I will probably think about Logan if only for a minute, every single day... But I need to move on. I have to"

"I need to tell you something" Kendall says quickly, his brain reminding him why he even ended up at this diner in the first place.

"Go ahead" James smiles, lifting their still entwined hands to his lips to kiss Kendall's knuckles.

"Before I came here tonight I told Carlos how I felt. I kissed him; I held him in my arms and kissed him so hard I saw stars. But he stopped me... When I told him I loved him and that I always had he wouldn't take it... He told me he loved me to, but he said that falling in love with you had to mean something, and that if I wanted him, truly wanted him, I could have had him years ago... and the fact I waited until now, until I had something with you, was just proof to him that I didn't love him like I thought... And he said something, something that got me thinking... He said that if I truly loved him, I would never have fallen in love with you too"

"Do you think he's right?" James asks softly.

"Yes" Kendall sighs, "And no. It's complicated. What I feel for Carlos... I feel very protective of him. From the moment we met I was his knight in shining armour, and I always have been. I feel like without me Carlos can't survive, and he needs me. I think... I think seeing him with Logan scared me because it made me realise, he's not always going to need me, I'm not always going to be the one he seeks protection from. I'm not always going to have all his love. In the end, I think it's me being selfish, I think it's me wanting him all to myself and yet at the same time taking everything I want"

"Hmm..." James murmurs thoughtfully, running his fingers through Kendall's hair. "I don't think you're selfish. I think you're honest. I also think you care for those you love so deeply you sometimes don't know what to about it. And you told me you had a little sister right? Well, I think you're probably just as protective of her, you've always had to play that big brother role and you love being needed. I really do think you do love Carlos, and... and if you want to be with him I'm not going to stop you, but I think you're never going to know how you feel unless you give your heart a chance... with me"

"I do" Kendall whispers, "I do want to give my heart a chance. Since being here with you at this crappy like diner... the pain I felt has already started to fade. I love Carlos, I do, but you're right, it's time to move on"

James joins their lips, sweet and hard, holding Kendall so tightly to him he is afraid if he doesn't, the boy will disappear.

"Come away with me" James whispers against Kendall's lips, almost soft enough Kendall's not sure he heard it right.

"What do you –"

"Let's run away together, like in the story books. Just you and me. Escape everything we've once known and start a new life together"

"James..."

"We can buy a little house, maybe in a small village, maybe in a city; I don't care, as long as we're together"

"James..."

"We can get a dog! I've always wanted a dog but Logan was allergic and –"

"James! Stop. Just stop and think about what you're asking. Have you forgotten that I am a student? At Yale? One of the best Universities in the country? If not the world? Whilst living with you in a little house somewhere with a dog is the cutest thing I've ever heard, I can't give up my education"

"Would you transfer? You know Columbia University in New York has an excellent English department... It's still Ivy League and not any less prestigious or less of an education than Yale..."

"You know what's crazy?" Kendall chuckles lightly in disbelief, "I'm actually considering this... You and me, starting a life together in New York..."

"Yes!" James whispers excitedly, "Let's do it. Let's run away"

"Could you do that though? Run away from your whole life here? Your friends, your family... _Logan? _Could you really just run off in the middle of the night and not utter a word goodbye?"

"You know what?... Yes. I could. I feel like Logan wants me gone just as much as I want to be gone, and whilst that hurts more than I will ever be able to say, I feel like this right. I feel like everything in life happens for a reason and the choices we make are meant to happen. I feel like us both coming to the same diner tonight; after both our best friends caused us heart break, is fate. It's a terrible fate, and I wish things hadn't worked out like this, but you can't tell me there's not a part of what I'm saying that isn't the tiny bit right"

"Could I really just... could I do that? Just switch to Columbia?"

"Kendall, you're a model student, you are the top of all your classes, Columbia would welcome you with open arms"

"My Mum would kill me..."

"Kendall, you're 21. And besides, she would just want you to be happy, and it's not like you're dropping out of college, just moving"

"Yeah, running away with one of my professors..."

"Not your professor anymore, not if we go"

"But still..."

"No, no buts. Kendall, do you want to do this with me?"

Kendall looks into James' eyes, searching for any answers in that deep, deep hazel. But he realises he doesn't need answers, because there are no questions. When he and James are together there are no questions, and the answers are splayed out for the whole world to see.

_Love._

"Yes" Kendall smiles breathlessly, tightening his grip on James' hand "Let's move to New York"

* * *

Carlos lies awake in bed, the thought of sleep the last thing on his mind. He can't stop staring at the door, waiting for the lock to click and to see Kendall step through. He knows Kendall is mad and upset and angry and betrayed and all those horrible things that make Carlos' heart hurt, but Kendall will come back. He always comes back.

Carlos gets out his phone, his fingers hovering over the screen on the page of Kendall's message thread. It reminds him of the nights Kendall would spend at the diner, and Carlos would worry his pretty little head off until Kendall got back. Carlos can't even sleep properly until Kendall is safe and within his sight.

In a spur of the moment, he taps his fingers across the screen, typing a message that is so short but hopes will mean so much.

_Kendall... come back to me. I miss you, and I need you... and I love you... Carlos is lonely, he needs his Kendall. _

Flinging his phone on the table next to his bed Carlos shuts his eyes, trying to clear his head and let sleep take him. He won't worry, he won't stress because he knows Kendall is coming back, Kendall always comes when Carlos calls.

"_He always comes back to me" _Carlos whispers into the empty darkness.

If only Carlos knew, that this time...

_Kendall is never coming back._


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Someone hold me. Please. **

**I am so sorry.**

**I am so, so sorry.**

* * *

**Chapter 16.**

Carlos can hear a beat in his head, almost like a drum; loud, thunderous and ear splitting. The blood is practically rushing through his brain at a million miles an hour, and if it keeps up at this rate he is sure to pass out at any moment.

Carlos is nervous; sure, he's not going to lie about that. But there's a big difference between being nervous because you're scared, and being nervous because you're about to go through with the one thing you've wanted to do your whole life.

Oh no wait, maybe there isn't such a difference.

"Are you doing ok?" Carlos' Mum asks, straightening her sons tie and a proud smile on her face.

"Y-yeah" Carlos stutters, "Just a little nervous"

"Why's that sweetie?"

"What if he realises he made the wrong choice all those years ago?" Carlos barely whispers, letting his eyes drop to the floor.

Mrs Garcia takes a deep sigh before placing both her hands gently on Carlos' shoulders. "Carlos. You were never the wrong choice; he wouldn't be here today if you were. He loves you, with all his heart and that's all that matters"

"Thanks Mum" Carlos smiles as his mother places a kiss to his forehead.

"Now, let's get out there"

Carlos takes his Mum's arm in his own and let's his lungs fill deep with hair before he pushes open the large oak door.

And that's when he sees him.

That's when everything else fades away into nothing because all there is in this moment is him. He doesn't notice the other people, he doesn't notice the flowers, he doesn't feel nervous any more, he is not worried, he doesn't notice the tears falling softly down his face, nor does he really notice his mother pulling him forward; because all that matters is _him. _

"Hi" Carlos whispers breathlessly when he reaches the front, his mother moving to the side with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

"Hi. How you going?"

"Good. How are you?"

"Never been better" He smiles, taking Carlos' hands in his and squeezing gently. "I love you Carlos"

"I love you too, Kendall"

All that matters, is he is about to marry his best friend.

* * *

"Hello!? Hello!"

Carlos is confused. Why is someone yelling? Why is someone smashing on the door? Where's Kendall? Where's his mother? Where's all his family and friends? Where's the church?

"Carlos are you there?!"

He peeks one eye open, instantly realising where he is and resisting the urge to break down in tears.

A dream.

It was just a dream.

"Carlos please! Open up!"

Carlos practically falls out of bed, wishing he could have a minute to think about the dream that just shook his whole world on its hinges, but the incessant banging and yelling is sort of at the point where's there's no time to crawl up in a ball and cry your eyes out.

He opens the door, cringing at the light from the dorm hallway and trying to shield his eyes.

"Carlos thank god" The person at the door way sighs in relief and that's when it hits Carlos who it is, his eyes don't need to be fully awake to know.

"Logan?" Carlos stutters, voice gruff and filtered with sleep. "What time is it? What are you doing here? Is everything ok?"

"Can I come in?"

"Ah yeah sure"

Carlos opens the door fully and Logan practically pushes his way through urgently and flicks on the light, causing Carlos to groan and rub his eyes.

"Kendall's not here?" Logan asks, and that's when Carlos finally opens his eyes properly and sleep is now the last thing on his mind.

He hadn't even noticed the empty bed across from his own, but now that he has he feels like a shard of glass is slowly starting to pierce its way through to his heart.

"Ah no... He um... What's going on?"

"I don't even know!" Logan says angrily, taking a seat on Carlos' bed and placing his head in his hands.

Carlos takes a seat next to him, unsure whether or not to place a hand on his back or even if he should say anything at all. He glances at the alarm clock on his night stand. 6:17am. Fuck.

"Logan, please, why are you here?"

"James and I... James and I had a fight, I guess, and he left and I thought he would come home but he didn't and now I've tried texting and calling and no response... I thought he might be here with Kendall"

"Oh... well no he hasn't come here. Surely James is fine. He's a grown man Logan"

"I know but... but I'm worried... he... um... oh god"

"Shh Logan, shh" Carlos tries to soothe, placing a comforting arm around the man who looks like he's about to lose it.

"Carlos I feel so terrible"

"How come?"

"I feel like so much has happened since I waved goodbye to you yesterday morning"

"Yeah... same"

"There's something I have to tell you... I don't know what you and I are, or if we even are a thing, but I think you deserve to know"

"What is it Logan?"

Logan takes a deep breath and sits back, his eyes looking deep into Carlos'; full of regret, sadness and fear. "I'm in love with James... I have been I think my whole life. After you left in the morning James and I got in this argument because you and Kendall kissed outside and there was this poem James had written Kendall but it was actually a poem he had written to me when we dated back in college... It made me realise that James truly did love someone else now, and no amounts of "friendly" kisses and "I love you's" we exchanged we're going to match up to him having someone now... Him being properly and truly in love made me realise that's what I had always felt for him... and he realised it too. He told me he loved me, that he always had and always would and we then pretty much spent nearly the whole day in bed... I'm so sorry Carlos"

All Carlos can do right now is stare at Logan, reminding himself he needs to breathe.

"I knew it" Carlos whispers, "I knew you two still loved each other. I could tell. When we we're at your house you two were like each other's gravitational pull, or the other's puzzle piece... When you moved, he would move... When he smiled, you would smile... Especially in the morning when you made him toast and he gave you that kiss on the cheek... You looked up at him like he was the most important thing in your life, like he was some sort of God or gift to mankind and I was jealous you didn't look at me like that..."

"Carlos I –"

"Wait, let me finish. When Kendall and I left I was so mad because you were all giggly and cute with James, not to mention James and Kendall couldn't get enough of each other and you barely even touched me. When we were walking to the car I told Kendall he was the best friend ever and that I loved him, and he said he loved me too... But when he pulled me into a hug he whispered again that he really did love me. When I tried to say that I understood James was the most important thing in his life he cut me off and told me that no matter whom he was ever with, I would always matter the most... And that's when I kissed him. It felt... it felt like everything suddenly clicked into place you know? Like I finally knew why my heart always skipped a beat when Kendall would smile at me... I knew why I would look up at Kendall with longing in my eyes... Exactly how you look at James. I can't even say "that's when I realised I love him" because in a way I wasn't realising it, I've always known. But I pushed that down. I saw how happy Kendall was with James, he was finally getting all he wanted and I didn't want to ruin that. But the more I thought about it the more everything started to make sense; I'm in love with Kendall Knight and I always will be"

Carlos didn't even notice he had started crying until Logan pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head softly.

"I guess we both discovered some things didn't we?" Logan whispers as Carlos clings to him tightly.

"You know what the worst part is though?" Carlos sobs, "He loves me too"

"How do you know?"

"He told me. He came back here last night and just came barging into the room, scooped me up in his arms and kissed me... And I can't even tell you how much I wanted to continue like that forever, I wanted to stay in his arms forever. And he told me that he had been doing a lot of thinking since our kiss that morning and it made him realise stuff he can't ignore any more... and then he told me he loved me"

"Wow... what did you say?"

"I told him that we couldn't be together, that he could have had me when we were sixteen, and that if he truly loved me he wouldn't have fallen in love with James too..."

"Oh Carlos" Logan whispers, running a hand smoothly up and down Carlos' back in comfort.

"And then he tried to plead with me, tried to tell me that it didn't matter what I said because that didn't change the fact of how he felt... and I told him just to go, so he did"

"Do you know where he went?"

"No... You think he's with James?"

"I reckon... because... Because..."

"Logan are you ok?" Carlos asks, now his turn to be comforting Logan as the short man starts to cry and fall apart at the seams.

"He didn't pick me" Logan chokes out through his tears, "I told him he had to choose, Kendall or me... and he chose Kendall"

Despite himself Carlos feels hot tears now falling down his cheeks, he can't help it. He's never seen someone so broken, so destroyed, so utterly and completely shattered and it is so heart breaking. "I'm so, _so _sorry Logan"

After what feels like forever Logan finally speaks again, his voice cracked and broken and now so void of life Carlos worries if Logan will ever be happy again. "The thing is... I thought he was going to pick me. I thought it was going to be me... And now I realise that everything he ever told me was a lie. Everything that ever happened between us was a lie. Every touch, every word, every kiss... it meant nothing. He told me he wanted a future with me, a life with me, he told me he wanted a family with me... and I want that too. I want to love him until my final breath. I gave up my life for him, I gave up everything for him and he chose someone else... His Mum died when he was sixteen, and there were so many nights I spent just holding him, telling him I loved him, telling him that everything was going to be ok... I would follow James to the end of the earth if he asked me too... It's always been him, but he didn't pick me... he didn't choose me..."

Carlos can't speak; words fail to leave his lips as sobs breath their way through his chest. He cries for Logan, but he also cries for himself. Kendall chose him, Kendall was willing to give James up for him and he turned him away. Kendall was willing to say goodbye to James so he could hold Carlos in his arms forever but he said no. He said _no. _

"I'm so stupid" Carlos cries softly, "I shouldn't have let Kendall go. I thought he deserved a chance with James. I thought he deserved a future, but what he wanted was a future with me..."

"And now what does that make us? The two guys who watch their best friends fall in love deeper and deeper until they never get out. We just watch from the sidelines as our hearts shatter into a million pieces, over and over... and over again"

"Maybe Kendall won't want to be with James... maybe he will fight for me and James will realise who he really wanted to choose..."

"Yeah and what does that make me? Second choice. I shouldn't be second choice; you should only ever be someone's first"

"Well then what does that make James to Kendall?"

"Kendall loves James though. And I think he'll be with him because you've hurt him... I think all Kendall wants is to be loved"

"But I do love him"

"Yeah well maybe you should have told him"

"Hey, don't get angry at me because the love of your life wanted someone else"

Logan sits up out of Carlos' arms to glare at him, "Don't you dare"

"Don't I dare what? Tell you the truth? How about this; How about the fact you had sex with me, you wanted _me, _and you told me you loved me... then to what? Come here and cry and get me to hold you whilst you tell me how much you love James?"

"That's not fair! You can't tell me I'm being a bad person by loving James when you love Kendall! How does that make you any better than me?"

"It doesn't! None of this makes anyone better than anyone else, because you know what? We're all fucked up! All of us! You, me, Kendall, James, we're all fucking screwed! And none of this is ever going to be ok! And what I hate, what I hate more than anything else is the fact that none of this should be happening. Why can't life just fucking work out like you want? Why can't I be wrapped up in Kendall's arms right now? And you in James'? But there has to be a reason all this is happening! I refuse to believe that there isn't a reason we all fell in love with two people!"

"Because maybe you're right Carlos, maybe you and Kendall aren't meant to be and neither are James and I! Maybe there's a reason James and I broke up all those years ago"

"But think about it Logan, really think about it, did you ever really "break up"? You may have said the words but you never lost the feelings"

"I can't fucking do this anymore, sorry" Logan says quickly, anger pulsating through his body as he stands from the bed and makes his way to the doorway "I'm going to go find James, do you want to come with me?"

Carlos sighs in frustration, the instant thought of spending any more time with Logan making his head hurt but he must see Kendall, tell him everything before it's too late. Carlos throws a jacket and jeans on, grabbing his phone and following Logan out the door without a word.

As they walk to the car neither of them speak, still mad and angry and hurt. Carlos knows he really isn't angry at Logan, nor is Logan angry at him, they're angry at themselves.

The air is cold, thick, dark and wraps around Carlos until he feels like he can't breathe. He should be in bed, he shouldn't be crying, he should have Kendall's strong arms wrapped around him.

He should be continuing his dream.

"I had a dream Kendall and I were getting married" Carlos says abruptly as they walk across the court to get to Logan's car.

"Oh..."

"I think it might have been the best dream I've ever had... Because it made me realise, I want to spend the rest of my life with Kendall Knight, I want to be Mr Knight... I want to have every Birthday with him, every Christmas, every New Year's kiss, every lazy Sunday, every sick day, every first snow fall in Winter, every silly argument, every... every moment we would have with a child, their first day of school, their first time riding a bike, their first scraped knee, their first words... everything. I want to be his, forever"

As they get into Logan's car Logan takes a deep sigh, letting his eyes close and one small tear escape, and his next words coming out as a whisper in the darkness, "I want to be Mr Diamond"

* * *

"_Kendall... come back to me. I miss you, and I need you... and I love you... Carlos is lonely, he needs his Kendall."_

Kendall stares at the words on his phone, feeling the tears threaten to spill as he reads them over and over until they sink in. He feels James' strong arms tighten around him and a small mumble of sleep escape the man's lips. Kendall has barely been able to sleep, even though he is so, so tired. James had decided it best they get a hotel room for the night, and in the morning they would start planning their move to New York.

Kendall couldn't believe he was going. Couldn't believe he was going to leave his whole life behind and start somewhere knew. Could he do that? Could he just up and leave?

He knows he wouldn't miss Yale really.

Or his friends much.

Or even the town.

But there is one thing he would miss.

How could he leave Carlos? The boy who has been joined at his hip since they were small children? He's never lived apart from Carlos, and he doesn't know how.

But if Carlos isn't going to love him then he has to move on, and James is right, if he stays here he is never going to move on. Kendall deserves to be happy, he knows he does, and he has to be happy with James.

The words on the screen morph into Carlos' bright, smiling face suddenly and Kendall almost has a heart attack as his phone begins to vibrate in his palm.

"_The Coolest Person In The Whole Entire World is calling" _It tells him and despite his hurt Kendall smiles, as he always done with the stupid name Carlos put himself under pops up.

Kendall sighs and watches it ring, knowing this was bound to happen when Carlos awoke and saw that he wasn't there. As a last minute decision Kendall hits "answer", slipping out of bed and out of James' hold to go into the bathroom.

He sits on the edge of the bath and stares down at the phone before placing it to his ear, taking a deep breath.

"Hello" He whispers finally, trying to not let his voice crack.

"_Kendall!" _He hears Carlos say frantically, "_Thank god you picked up! Where are you?"_

"I can't... I can't tell you"

"_What do you mean you can't tell me? What's happened? Are you safe?"_

"Yes Carlos" Kendall sighs sadly, "I'm safe"

_"Then where are you? I'm going to come get you"_

"No you're not. You're going to stay in bed and not think about me, ok?"

_"Not going to happen. Kendall... you're all I think about"_

Kendall feels a lump forming in his throat as he tries to swallow his tears. "Don't say that"

_"Kendall... I think I made a mistake. I shouldn't have let you go..."_

"Carlos..." Kendall whispers, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling himself slide down the side of the bath until he hits the floor.

"_Kendall please. Come back to me. I need you so badly. I told you no because I thought you would be happy with James, I just wanted you to be happy and have the life you deserve. But what if that life is with me? So what if I'm being a little selfish and yeah I want you all to myself? I don't care anymore. I realised falling asleep without you close to me is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I don't want to do it anymore"_

"Carlos... Please..." Kendall whispers through his tears, "We both have to move on"

_"I don't think..." _He hears Carlos sob, "_I don't think I can live without you Kendall"_

_"_Oh Carlos..." He cries, "You must"

_"But I don't... I don't want to. Remember when we were 10? And you went to London with your family for three weeks?"_

"Y-yeah?"

_"I wrote you a letter for every single day you were gone. Each one telling you how much I missed you. And I didn't realise how much it would hurt to have you away from me. Obviously I didn't send them. I think I put them in the letter box and hoped they would magically get to you... But I did it because I wanted you to know, that that had been the hardest three weeks of my life. And I was only 10. So how am I going to live without you when I'm 21? How am I going to live without you now I know that I have been in love with you ever since I was 10?"_

Kendall breaks down, crying so hard he can't see, think, breathe or barely speak. "S-stop. I can't do this anymore. P-please Carlos"

"_Every day you're not with me" _Carlos cries, "_Every day I'll write you a letter until you come back to me. Even if it's today, even if it's tomorrow; there will be a letter. Because you need to know, you need to know how I can't live with you Kendall Knight. Please... just... please"_

"I've... I've got to go. I have to go. I'm so s-sorry"

_"K-Kendall..."_

"Please... p-please don't make this harder. Carlos, I love you. I always have, and I always will. And I'll miss you, so so so much"

"_But you'll come back w-won't you? You always come back to me, always"_

"N-not... not this time. Goodbye Carlos."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I don't even know where to begin. I feel like I owe you so many words and explanations but my heart just can't deal with that right now. This chapter is... I don't know how I feel about it; not great. I feel like this is sort of a connector, a filler if you will... because I know the next one is possibly going to be the last... which depresses me beyond belief because I know how it's going to end. **

**So yeah if this chapter is not good I apologise in advance. I'm just... so flat. **

**But! I do have to say that you guys are seriously all so amazing. Even if I do make you cry and cause you heart break and leave you withering messes on the floor, I love you and your reviews and your support and it seriously means so much to me I can't even express how much. And don't think that this story doesn't destroy me either... because it does.**

**So... we're nearing the end now. **

**Enjoy... I guess.**

**(I don't own Taylor Swift *can't believe I'm using her lyrcis*)**

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen.**

Carlos was good at keeping it all in.

Sometimes.

He was good at masking the pain with a smile and a laugh and beer or two. He was good at saying _"I'm fine"_ he was good at saying _"It's alright, I don't really mind"_ and he was good at saying _"Kendall moved to New York"_

He may have been good at saying it, but that didn't me he felt good about it. In fact, he felt as if Kendall had ripped out his heart and left him completely empty. He felt as if his heart were a thousand miles away, in New York, where Kendall was crushing it day after day, not giving it back and not letting it breathe.

He sits down at his desk, staring at the blank piece of paper in front of him and let's his pen, the same pen, hover across the page. Every day. Carlos told him, he told him every day he would write a letter.

And he has.

Sometimes they are long.

Sometimes they are short.

Sometimes they get wet from tears.

Sometimes he rips them up.

And starts all over again.

* * *

**_Day 1._**

_Dear Kendall, _

_I promised you didn't I? That's the funny thing about promises though isn't it? When we were 15 you told me that you were never going to leave me. You told me that I would never have to worry because you would always be by my side. You told me that you would always be my Knight in shining armour. _

_Liar. _

_Liar liar pants on fire._

_You better come home this afternoon and this is just some big joke. _

_Love, _

_Your Carlos._

* * *

**_Day 14. _**

_I have been staring at this for so long looking for the right words..._

_New York. _

_You moved to New York._

_And I don't know what the worst part is. Maybe it's you not returning any of my phone calls or me worrying sick because I didn't know where you were or maybe it's the fact I had to find out from your Mum that you had moved... Your Mum... not you. Or maybe it was when Camille came here with a few of the other girls and boxed up the few things you had... or the removalist guys coming the next day and taking it away._

_New York. _

_This is not the Kendall I know. Running away. _

_What did I ever do that possessed you to run away?_

_And no, you know what the worst part is I've decided?_

_I want you to be happy._

_I may want to scream and cry and rip my heart out, but in the end, all I want for you is to be happy. _

_I hope you're happy. _

_Love, _

_Your Carlos._

* * *

**_Day 56._**

_Dear Kendall,_

_I hate you. _

_Love, _

_Your Carlos._

* * *

**_Day 178._**

_Dear Kendall, _

_I know you don't care about me. But does James know how Logan is coping?_

_Because he's not. _

_He's not coping Kendall and I can't stand it._

_He's lost not only his best friend but the absolute love of his life, and I hate seeing him like this._

_I don't think he'll be happy until James comes home to him, and you to me. But we've discussed it and we both decided the same. As long as the both of you are happy..._

_Because we don't matter, right?_

_How could James do that to Logan? They have nearly thirty years behind them Kendall... thirty years of smiles, laughter, hugs, kisses, tears, pain, joy, everything... thirty years that James just threw away. With not even a word goodbye. _

_He didn't even get a goodbye Kendall. _

_Not one. _

_Love, _

_Your Carlos._

* * *

**_Day 251._**

_Dear Kendall, _

_Camille dyed my hair blonde today. It looks awful. We're dying it back tomorrow. _

_Probably a good thing you're not around to see blonde Carlos. _

_But I know you would laugh. I can picture your laugh now... _

_Love, _

_Your Carlos._

* * *

**_Day 345._**

_Dear Kendall, _

_It has nearly been a year._

_A whole year._

_345 letters._

_And not one single reply._

_I guess you just throw them out. Or whatever. At your fancy New York address. I was so close to coming to visit you in the Summer... It would have been so easy... to walk up to the numbered door on the front of this envelope and say hello..._

_But you would have hated that._

_If you wanted to see me you'd come to me. _

_Maybe soon. _

_You'll come back. _

_I know it. _

_Love, _

_Your Carlos._

* * *

Carlos stares.

His shaky hand writing the letters and number across the top.

**_Day 365._**

He wonders what to write. Wonders what he can possible write on the day that exactly one year ago his heart shattered into a million pieces. How does he even begin?

In the end he decided what it needs to say. He writes it quickly, shutting the letter and stuffing it in the envelope before he has a chance to ruin it with salty hot tears.

Carlos told Kendall there would be one every single day until he got back. But he realises now that maybe... maybe Kendall really isn't coming back.

Maybe his Knight has finally let him down.

_And we know it's never simple,  
Never easy.  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.  
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,  
And I can't breathe without you,  
But I have to,  
Breathe without you,  
But I have to._

* * *

"_The Princess was not amused, she circled the dragon in fury and despair; letting the two emotions roll into one, giving her a power and determination she never had"_

"Continue!"

_"Face me beast! She yelled, clutching onto her sword so tightly the skin of her pale hand stretches across her knuckles. But she is not here to think of her skin stretched too thin, or the pain that shoots from head to toe, or that relentless thumpthumpthump of her heart beat; she is here to win. She is here to conquer everything she believed she knew and be the woman she was born to be. No longer a princess, but now a Queen... And in the end, she didn't need the knight in shining armour the story books always told her she needed, because she was strong and she could walk this world alone."_

Kendall shuts his notebook and tilts his head back on James' shoulder to smile at him. The two are sprawled out across their couch, Kendall lying backwards in-between James' legs and on his torso.

"I loved my story" James grins, wrapping his arms around Kendall's middle and throwing the notebook off to the side and onto the coffee table. "I wasn't expecting a story about Princess' and dragons... you better finish it for me someday"

"I will" Kendall smiles, wrapping an arm around the back of James' neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

James sighs contently, losing himself temporarily before leaning back and running a hand down the side of Kendall's face. "I love you"

"I love you too" Kendall whispers, kissing James softly again before laying his head back on James' shoulder.

"You know..." James says softly, letting his finger trips trail up and down Kendall's arm, "It's going to be a year soon"

"I know" Kendall sighs, his mind suddenly drifting to the box locked safely in the wardrobe.

"How does that make you feel?"

Kendall can't help but laugh slightly, "You make it sound like this is a therapy session"

"Shhh" James chuckles, "But seriously"

"It's... hard. Of course it's hard. I would be lying if I said I didn't think it was hard. I miss Yale a little bit, but Columbia is great. I miss Camille and some of my other friends. I miss the Diner. I miss the little book shop that was on the main street. I miss the weather. I miss..."

"You miss him... You know it's ok to say it Kendall. I'm not going to get mad"

"I know. But yeah... I miss him"

Kendall never let on how much though.

He never told James about the nights he would spend out on their balcony, looking out on the skyline of New York City and crying, crying so hard he sometimes forgot why he even moved to New York in the first place.

"It's ok" James says sensitively, "I miss Logan too"

They don't speak much after that. Simply letting their minds wander.

Which is always a dangerous activity.

"I'm going to go check for mail" Kendall says after what feels like hours, giving James a soft kiss before he jumps up from the couch and walks off to the doorway.

As he descends the stairs of their apartment block, taking each step slowly and letting the cool air fill his lungs. In and out in and out in and out. Kendall must remember to breathe, must remember that he puts himself through this pain, and it would be all too easy to let it stop.

Finger tips fumble at the lock of their mail slot, letting the key twist little by little until it clicks and the small door swings open. In it sits a single envelope, in that same off white, that same size, that same scrawl of black pen.

Breathe.

In and out.

He clutches the letter close to his heart as he takes the trip back up to their apartment. Keeping it together best he can and trying to envision the words that will be on the paper. The words always take him by surprise; they are always different, always unique, always in their own way heart breaking.

When Kendall steps back into the apartment he looks around the corner into the living room to see James with his eyes shut and snoring softly. He smiles before retreating to the confines of their bedroom, pulling his seemingly ordinary box out of the wardrobe and placing it on the bed. He sits down and crosses his legs tight to his body, letting the box open and the hundreds of letters spill out of them.

He can't throw them out.

Not yet.

He can't let go.

He shouldn't read them, he knows that. He should ignore them, throw them straight into the trash and keep on living his life.

But...

_He can't let go._

Kendall opens the letter, letting the piece of paper slide out effortlessly and feeling cool on his now hot finger tips. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, before looking down and starting to read,

**_Day 358_**_._

_Dear Kendall,_

_Hi. _

_You know, I always wonder if you read these. I picture you maybe curled up on your couch, in a big comfy sweater, and you smile as you read my words. Not that my words are that smile worthy. But I like to think that sometimes when you think of me, you smile. _

_It's not long now, nearly a year. The anniversary of... I don't know what. The anniversary of the day you broke my heart. Yes, let's go with that. _

_You know Kendall, I've spent a lot of time hating you for leaving me, but I've also spent a lot of time hating myself. Logan tells me that I shouldn't hate myself, or you for that matter. He says we must accept what has happened and move on. But it's kind of hard to move on when I find myself crawling into your bed every night instead of my own. I like to think I can still smell you on the sheets, but that's impossible. _

_I just want to feel you close to me. _

_You know Kendall; you didn't have to be with me. You didn't have to let me love you._

_Because that's one of the things that hurts the most, because love aside; you didn't have to leave me. I know it would have been hard, I know it would have broken both our hearts to see each other every day and know that we could never be, but that doesn't mean I didn't want you in my life. _

_I'm so lonely without you Kendall._

_It's like you've left this whole in both my heart and my life and nothing is ever going to replace it. _

_I can try. And I have tried. _

_I have tried every single day to move on from you, but how am I supposed to forget everything we were?_

_How am I supposed to just forget?_

_If there was a pill to forget, I'd take it. _

_Because I want to forget about you Kendall Knight but you make it impossible. _

_How do you expect me to forget about my best friend?_

_I think I'll stop these letters soon. Not because I don't care anymore, or I don't care about you any less, but because it hurts. It hurts sitting down every day at my desk and writing out these words that you probably don't even read. _

_So I'll say goodbye soon, forever, and stop clinging on to these letters that in some ways may as well not even exist. But somehow, for this past year... they've made me feel closer to you. _

_But now it really is time to move on. _

_Even though... _

_Remember the very first letter?_

_Do you remember your promises?_

_I won't rely on you to be my Knight in shining armour anymore. _

_And that's ok. _

_Love,_

_Your Carlos. _

It's all a blur after that.

There's tears.

There's screaming.

There's talking.

Kendall doesn't know.

And he doesn't care anymore.

* * *

Carlos rushes through campus, the wind wiping at his face and the rain beginning to fall on his cheeks. He has never missed sending his letter, never, not even on Christmas. He didn't even care if the mail wasn't getting collected that day; he was still going to put it in the letter box. But today he was cutting it fine, and letter number 365 of all days... Great.

As he tries to move past a group of people trying to run from the now ever growing rain, he feels himself slipping on the hard concrete. Carlos likes to think he has pretty good balance, and this thought remains true as he throws his arms around and steadies himself, luckily saving what would have been a very unfortunate face smash.

What is not so fortunate however is his letter now flying away in the wind, and Carlos can practically feel his heart beginning to plummet within his chest. He can't lose it, he can't not send it, he can't.

He can't let go, not yet.

Carlos almost starts praying to an invisible God when he see's someone in the distance, shielded by the hood of their coat; bend down to pick it up. His about to yell out his shout of thank you when he sees the stranger start to open it.

"Hey!" He yells angrily, "that's mine!"

The stranger turns his back to him, and starts to walk away, but Carlos is going to be dammed if this mother fucker is going to be walking off with _his _letter.

As he gets closer, running so fast he almost slams into the guys back he hears the voice of said stranger reading the letter out loud.

And that's when his heart stops beating. That's when his voice is swallowed whole in his throat. That's when he feels like everything he once thought or felt is coming crushing down on him

"_Day 365" _The stranger says, voice hoarse and on the brink of tears.

"_Dear Kendall, _

_I love you. _

_But no more. No more tears. No more heartache. No more pain. No more._

_Goodbye._

_Love..._

_Love, _

_Your Carlos"_

The stranger turns around, not that Carlos was questioning who it was but upon seeing his face Carlos breaks down. Falling into the not so stranger and clutching at the folds of his thick, black coat; letting his tears stain the material as he tries to choke out words that aren't coming.

The stranger decides to speak instead, the voice coming out as barely a whisper and mixing in with the rain and the win that now surrounds them.

_"_I made a promise, didn't I?"

* * *

**A/N: No. I am so done, with myself. **

**Next chapter is the end I reckon...**

**So this is your last chance to beg with me...**

**:(**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Wow. So. Here we are... the end...**

**Jokes.**

**Not the end. I was wrong. There was no way I was going to put what is coming into this chapter... and I have to mentally prepare myself for about 5 years before I even attempt to write the end...**

**So some of you are going to be so upset with me, some of you are going to be happy... I know I can't please everyone but you have to know that this is what needed to happen and this is what my heart was telling me to do. I am sorry if you don't like it, I offer you my hugs and my love and hopefully after some therapy we can get through this together. So still love me... please?**

**There is still so much that needs to be said so if there's any questions you have they will all most likely be answered in the next chapter. But as I said... I need to start preparing my heart.**

**Anyway I hope you like this... or even if you don't I still love you. **

**The quote at the end is from the children's book "Love You Forever"... it's a great book, ok?**

**Also. I haven't proof read this because it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm about to pass out. So I apologise for all the atrocious grammar and spelling mistakes you are about to witness.**

**Lot's of love.**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen.**

"K-Kendall?" Carlos sobs almost in disbelief. As if the man in front of him is not real, as if he is going to fade away if Carlos doesn't clutch onto him hard enough.

Kendall wraps his arms around Carlos' small frame tightly, letting that warmth, that friendship, that _love _soak into his cold bones and touch his heart in a way that he had almost forgotten. Carlos can't speak, and for a matter a fact Kendall can't either, but that's ok because Carlos is in Kendall's arms and as long as he is there, everything will be ok. Kendall's arms are warm, safe, love, they're_ home_. Kendall is home now, home with Carlos.

After what feels like a lifetime of them holding one another and the rain beginning to soak through their clothes and right to their bones; Carlos looks up into Kendall's eyes, losing himself in the deep green that reminds him of summers spent at the lake, late nights spent telling secrets in the cold of Minnesota, the green sweater Kendall once bought Carlos at Christmas time that had a giant reindeer on it and snowflakes. They had both laughed about it for hours, but that didn't stop Carlos from wearing it, smiling secretly to himself when he noticed the way he matched Kendall's eyes.

Carlos opens his mouth to speak, but the words don't come. What can he say? What can he say after a whole year? They've never spent this long apart, and to be honest Carlos didn't know how to do it. But now... Now Kendall is back, and Carlos knows this sounds horribly cliché, but it's like he never left at all...

"K-Kendall" he stutters out, not recognising the sound of his own voice. "Kendall... W-what are you doing here?"

Kendall sighs softly, leaning forward until their foreheads are resting against one another. "Carlos..."  
The single word, spoken in barely a whisper nearly knocks Carlos off his feet. "I couldn't do it anymore"

Carlos can't breathe, can't think, can't move. He's so wrapped up in this bubble he and Kendall have now created that nothing else matters. The rain, the wind, the heartbreak; it doesn't matter now. It's just Kendall and Carlos, back to square one. Back to scraped knees on jungle gyms, back to secrets at sleepovers, back to pee wee hockey, back to hot summer days looking up to the clouds; and back to best friends and knights in shining armour.

"You left me" Carlos whispers, grasping at Kendall's waist and trying to pull him in closer.

"You didn't want me" Kendall is quick to respond, the pain on his face like a knife driving through Carlos' heart.

"Don't say that" Carlos almost snaps, "Don't you dare say I didn't want you. You know I did"

"Then why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you let me kiss you and love you and be perfect for you?"

"I couldn't Kendall" Carlos sobs, "I didn't want you to be making the wrong decision, I didn't want you to look back and realise you'd made the wrong choice! I thought you would realise that the love you had for me was more like a brother, because you always felt like you had to protect me"

"But I _do _have to protect you" Kendall says almost angrily, hot tears now filtering his vision as both hands grab at Carlos' face, holding him tightly in place. "Don't you understand? It has _always _been you Carlos Garcia, always. I can't stand being away from you, I just can't. I can't... I can't live without you. I thought I could, I thought I could be happy but it was always you!"

Kendall is crying now, but he doesn't care. "I love James, I do, I love him so much and he has made me as happy as he could this past year but... but he's not you! He doesn't know me like you do, no one ever will. He doesn't know stories of past summers, or cold winters, he doesn't know about Christmas sweaters or broken bones from hockey... Sometimes Carlos, when I would think about you... I couldn't breathe. Because you're like my air, how am I supposed to breathe with no air?"

"Shut up" Carlos cries, tears and rain drops rolling down his cheeks. "You know I should hate you for leaving"

"Please... please don't hate me"

"How could I ever hate you Kendall Knight? I can't. And I never will"

Their lips are so close, close enough to touch, but they don't. Not yet. Instead they breathe each other in, feeling that love, that friendship that had been denied them so long.

"I thought I was happy... I thought I could be... But I never even gave myself a proper chance, I never moved on. Never. Every day I read your letters, every single day. I have them all in a box and I've read them all more than once... I was clinging to them because I didn't want to let go. I couldn't let go"

"Why... why did you come back? Why now? What changed?"

"When I got your letter a few days ago... I knew you were preparing yourself to let go, and I just... I just couldn't do that. I couldn't let you go. I thought... I thought even if I came back here just to hold you one last time, then...then that would be ok"

"Do you... d-do you want me to leave?"

"No! Now that I'm holding you I never want to let you go. I _can't _let you go"

Carlos opens his eyes, looking deep into Kendall's as he speaks his next words softly, "I don't want you to let me go. I want to be in your arms forever"

Kendall can't take it anymore. The pain and hurt and sadness and shit builds up inside him like an explosion and he releases it in the only way he knows how.

He kisses Carlos.

Kisses him so hard it's a wonder they don't go crashing to the cold, hard ground.

Carlos' heart screams at him, screams and thrashes and yells and it's all morphing into one word.

One feeling.

One thought.

One truth.

_Love. _

They both pull back simultaneously, foreheads resting against one another and breathing laboured. Carlos knows he is not the only one feeling like the world just shook beneath his feet.

"I love you so much" Kendall breathes, lips ghosting over Carlos'.

"I love you more..."

They both smile slightly before their lips join once more, this time Kendall moving his hands to Carlos' back to hold him tightly and lift his feet off the ground.

They cry.

They smile.

They laugh.

They hurt.

They _love._

* * *

"It's exactly the same" Kendall smiles softly as he walks into his old dorm, fingers laced tightly with Carlos' as he pulls the shorter boy down onto him on his old bed which he knows has become Carlos' new bed.

"Of course, as if I would change anything" Carlos chuckles before pushing Kendall down on his back and kissing him gently. "I didn't change anything at all..."

They both know Carlos isn't simply talking about the furnishing of their room, they both know the hurt behind Carlos' big brown eyes mean more than the words that are ever going to come out of his mouth. Kendall knows that Carlos is never going to let on how much he truly hurt for 365 days.

"Carlos... wait" Kendall says quietly, holding Carlos' face in his hands to look at him right in the eyes. "What... what are we doing?"

Carlos lets a small breath escape his lips, putting his hand of Kendall's and clutching tightly at his fingers, not to move his hands, but to just hold him there. "Kendall" He begins, moving Kendall's hand slightly with his own so he can kiss the blonde boys wrist. "I know you hurt me, and I know I hurt you. I know that I told you all those months ago that we wouldn't work, that I didn't want you in the way you wanted... but I think you know well and truly know those words were a lie. I don't think I truly realised how much I needed you until you were gone and being here with you now, back in your arms... I realise that I _never _want you to leave me again. I don't even care what has happened or what's going to happen... because I want you Kendall Knight, and I will always want you"

Kendall hates being emotional, he hates letting himself cry, he hates breaking down his barriers and setting his heart free, but it makes him realise something.

Maybe Carlos isn't the one in need of saving.

Maybe Carlos isn't the one who needs to be in Kendall's arms.

And maybe, just maybe... Carlos isn't the one who needs the knight in shining armour.

"It shouldn't be this easy" Kendall whispers, "we should be screaming, shouting, yelling at each other after all this time. I _left_ you for somebody else... I read every single one of your letters, I felt your heart break through the pages and I didn't do anything. I didn't call; I didn't write back, I didn't come and visit... I didn't even tell you I had moved to another state... How can you be ok with that?"

"Kendall" Carlos sighs, taking his hand and kissing his wrist again before kissing up his palm and interlocking their fingers. "_Of course _it hurts. Being without you hurt, so bad, and it's not like the pain is just going to go away... because it's like I didn't know who I was or what I was even doing. I felt like I was just going through the motions of life and I didn't even know I was... but now you've come back and I feel safe again, you've pulled me back into your arms and I can breathe again"

"Y-you're so sappy" Kendall breathes, feeling the sobs begin to crash their way through his chest.

"I know" Carlos smiles, the tears silently falling from his eyes, "but I can't help it. I feel like now I have you back I can't let you go again, and that I should tell you every second of the day how much I love you"

Kendall pulls Carlos' lips to his, joining them softly and tenderly before breathing softly "I love you too, and I am never leaving you ever again"

The lay like that for awhile, lips joined and hands holding one another tightly. But soon hands grasp tighter and the kisses become deeper until clothes have been discarded on the floor and they are moving together so perfectly in sync it makes them wonder why they weren't doing this all along.

"I love you" Carlos gasps out as Kendall moves inside him, his hands gripping at Kendall's back firm and tight, holding him close.

"I love you too" Kendall moans, leaning down to kiss Carlos roughly but at the same time gentle and warm, and conveying a thousand things he wishes he could say but he will never find the right words.

It's not long until Carlos is practically screaming against Kendall's shoulder, feeling the world around him rumble and shake and everything thought he's ever had wiped clear from his mind.

Sex is sex. It's standard, it's basic and the fundamentals aren't too hard to figure out. But when its right, when it's perfect, when it's with _the one_ it becomes more than what you once thought. It becomes that act of trust and friendship and security and love. That act of telling one another that not only do you love them, but you will hold them even in the darkest of times, that no matter what happens for the rest of your life; you will be there.

When Carlos finally feels like he can breathe again, and think again for that matter, he curls into Kendall's side, holding him tightly and resting his head on the taller boys chest. But now the breathing and the thinking has returned Carlos' mind starts to churn. There's still so much that hasn't been resolved and it's impossible to ignore.

"James" Carlos whispers, whispers so softly Kendall almost missed it.

"What?"

"James" Carlos says again, titling his head up to look deep into those shining emerald eyes. "What happened with James?"

Kendall sighs, the hurt obvious behind his eyes, "Where should I start?"

"From the beginning?"

"Fine" He says softly, pulling Carlos in closer before he open his mouth to speak again. "That night I came home and kissed you, one year ago, and you said no... I didn't know where to go. So, I went the one place I knew was warm and nice and just open; the diner"

"I know" Carlos interrupts, "Logan and I went looking for you and James and we went there... Jennifer said she saw you two, and there was lots of crying and kissing and yeah"

Kendall kisses Carlos gently, "Yes. She is right. James had left Logan too, telling me all the things Logan had said, and how that made him feel that much worse about... about choosing me. He told me that whilst he loved Logan he had to give his heart a chance, because he didn't want to miss out on knowing me. He told me he was going to move away and that... and that he wanted me to go with him. Of course I didn't instantly agree, there were thousands of queries and concerns with such a proposal, but he made me see that we had to give our hearts a chance at some new; if I truly wanted to be happy without you I would have to move on. So I did, _we _did. We drove off into the night, stayed at some hotel, and then sorted it out the next morning. We went to James' parent's house in Rhode Island which was... interesting. They're honestly great, but they took a little while to warm up to me I guess. Actually it wasn't so much that, it was the fact they couldn't comprehend James was quitting his job to move to New York with one of his students... but they were sweet to me and it was nice. I could tell James was hurt though... he may have smiled at me and held my hand tightly but I knew leaving Logan without even a goodbye was destroying him. It was worse when his parents kept asking about Logan... and they even brought out some old photo albums of James and there were whole one's filled with pictures of both of them... there was this photo of James and Logan when they were only small and in it James is kissing Logan's cheek and they're holding hands... it was just the cutest thing I've ever seen and I basically had to hold James all night whilst he cried. We got into a huge fight about it, about how we might have been making a mistake and that I knew being away from Logan was killing him and it wasn't too late to change his mind. But somehow... somehow we got over that. That's the great thing about James and I, we never stayed angry or sad for long when we were together. So eventually we moved to New York, I'd been accepted into Columbia from basically an over the phone interview at James' parent's house, and James had interview with heaps of publishing firms in New York and once we moved there it didn't take long for him to get a job. The thing is Carlos... I was truly happy with James. We've shared so many moments over the past year that I will never forget. So many smiles... laughs... even tears... oh and we got a puppy, his name is Charlie and he's adorable"

Kendall smiles to himself before taking a deep breath, "I love James, Carlos. He has a spot in my heart that is never going to be filled or taken away and you have to understand that ok?"

Carlos simply nods, taking Kendall's hand in his and waiting patiently for him to continue.

"But I think we both knew... I think we both knew deep down that what we had wasn't truly working. I mean yes, I could have lived the rest of my life with James, and I can imagine it too. I can imagine a life and a family and many smiles for many years to come with him, but it's not... he's not... he's not you. And not having you was eating me up until it just became too much to bear. After I read your letter I cried myself into almost near insanity. James found me later that evening, curled up on our bed surrounded by hundreds of letters and just looking awful..."

"Did you get in a huge fight?" Carlos whispers.

"Yes... and no. He was angry that he didn't know about all the letters or the fact I had been holding onto them... he was angry I was still clinging on to you and not letting myself be happy with him but I think he was mostly angry because he knew what I truly wanted and he didn't want to deny me that. I promised him that he did make me happy and that it's not like he was keeping me against my will, but I couldn't lie anymore; I couldn't let myself be away from you any longer. As I kept crying he looked through some of the letters and the he found this one... I can't remember when it was from but it was pretty much entirely about Logan and how Logan was. Then he lost it... and we sort of just both decided we needed to come home"

"So James is going back to Logan then?"

"It's... complicated"

"How so?"

"Well... James and I... we both still have lives in New York..."

"Wait" Carlos says suddenly, sitting up slightly, "What does this mean?"

"It means... I might not be moving back to New Haven"

"What?!" Carlos almost yells, now sitting completely up and taking his hand out of Kendall's "Are you telling me you fucking come back here and tell me you're never letting go of me ever again just to... just to stay for the weekend? I can't even believe this, I just –"

"Carlos! Shhh!" Kendall interrupts quickly, taking Carlos' hands back in his and holding on tightly. "That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is there is two more months of semester at Columbia, and it would be absolutely stupid of me to drop out now. I have to do at least a year there and I have all my courses and classes and transferring back to Yale would be impractical right now. But it's two months, only two months and I promise to you, I _swear _to you that you're the one I want and I am _not _leaving you. I will come home every single weekend if I have to. But both James and I were realistic about all this, we're not "breaking up" in the sense of never seeing each other again and screaming and fighting; we have our lives in New York we still need to live, our lives together. Carlos you have to understand... James is still going to be in my life, I want him there... and if at our wedding he is my best man you have to be ok with that"

"You... Y-you" Carlos tries to choke out, feeling those familiar tears spring in his eyes, "You want to m-marry me?"

"Well, yeah... someday" Kendall smiles nervously, "I mean obviously that would have to be alright with you and I wouldn't want –"

Kendall doesn't get a chance to say much more after Carlos flings himself at him, kissing him so hard they fall backwards and their heads spin.

"Of course of course of course of course!" Carlos says quickly, placing kisses all of Kendall's face, making him laugh.

"Ok ok" Kendall chuckles, bringing Carlos' lips back to his, "But I'm talking like years away! I love you but we're still in college!"

"Of course I know that you idiot" Carlos smiles, kissing Kendall on the nose, "but it still makes me happy"

"Makes me happy too"

They both smile at each other and roll over in the bed, so that Kendall is now on top of Carlos and pinning him down gently.

"You didn't answer my question though" Carlos tries to breathe whilst Kendall kisses his neck.

"And which question would that be my love?"

"Does James want to get back together with Logan?"

Kendall sighs into Carlos' neck before leaning back to look at him. "I don't really know what James wants. The guy is... he's fucked Carlos. You think we were hurting from being apart? No, James was fucking killing himself; he was just too dumb to notice"

"I know what you mean" Carlos says sadly, "Logan is so broken... it got to the point where I couldn't even stand to be around him because it hurt"

"I hope... I hope they can work it out"

"I don't know Kendall... I mean yeah I want them too, and I want Logan to be happy because I've grown to care for him quite a bit over this past year and seeing him so broken just broke me further... but you don't understand... I don't think he could ever forgive James for leaving. He didn't even say goodbye Kendall"

"I know... but I know how much they love each other and I think that they can work it out... maybe it will be like us? Maybe none of it will matter once they are back together again?"

Carlos shakes his head, letting his eyes shut and his brow furrow. "No Kendall, you don't understand... James _destroyed _Logan... If James truly loves Logan... he will let him go"

"But Carlos, he –"

"No. I don't care how much you love him and how perfect you think he is and how much he claims to love Logan; he needs to just leave Logan alone"

"That... that will kill James though"

"Good. Maybe he will start to even begin to understand how Logan feels"

Kendall opens his mouth to retort but he closes it quickly, instead of pulling Carlos into him. "I don't want to fight. I don't want to waste any single minute I have with you"

"Me neither" Carlos sighs, "But you have me forever"

"Even forever isn't enough with you Carlos Garcia"

"Shut up" Carlos laughs as he rolls his eyes, "Kiss me"

And Kendall does.

Because he has Carlos, _forever._

He moves his lips to Carlos' cheek, brushing up his jaw line until he is hovering just over Carlos' ear, letting the next word flow out of him effortlessly and quietly,

_"I'll love you forever; I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my love, you'll be"_


	19. Chapter 19 - The End

**A/N: The end. Here we are. After all this time. **

**All I can say is; thank you. Thank you so so much for being here with me through it all, through all the tears and the heart break and just... everything. Writing this story was definitely at times a joy and at many times put me in a lot of pain, but it was all worth it. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited, alerted, sent me messages on tumblr, everything. It honestly means so much and I will never even be able to begin with how much love I have for you all. **

**I am not leaving an authors note down the bottom, because I feel it's better if it just... if that's the end. No more. So there's a few things I should say. **

**The first part is a flashback to when Kendall and James broke up in New York. That was a killer to write. **

**There is another flashback of Logan and James at Christmas time when they were 15. That was almost too much for me. I was killing myself with cliche and corniness and heart wrenching fluff. **

**One quick thing: Don't forget, James' Mum died. I know Kendall spoke about James' parents in Rhode Island, but that would have been his Dad and his Step Mum, ok?**

**I feel like this chapter should be amazing because it's the last but I worry it's not... it was sort of just me sitting down at my computer and letting everything out. **

**I also feel like I should apologise, but I won't. It is what it is, and it's what needed to happen.**

**Any questions, hit me up.**

**A few songs I've used within the text here, so I don't own them. "I Love You, Goodbye" by Celine Dion (good song I swear) "Apologise" by One Republic and the killer that you should listen to "I Wish You Love" by Rachel Yamagata. **

**Also, want to tear up your heart and soul a little bit while reading this? Go to YouTube and listen to "Glasgow love theme - Love Actually". It will ruin you, in a good way. Especially at the end.**

**Alright that's it. I love you all and thank you so much. Please review, I want to know what you all think. **

**Much love. So much love.**

* * *

_"You want to go back, don't you?" James whispers, holding onto Kendall tightly as the blonde cries into his now tear stained shoulder._

_James doesn't need a reply; he doesn't need an answer, because he already knows it. It's not like this is some huge surprise. It's not like Kendall still being in love with Carlos is a shock. _

_But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. _

_"I wish... I wish you could have been happy with me"_

_Kendall tilts his head up to look at James, emerald eyes clouded with tears and pain. At first he doesn't say anything; instead he places his lips on James' and kisses him softly. James kisses back, but he knows this isn't an "I love you and want to stay with you" kiss, this is more of an "I love you but I'm so sorry" kiss. Which hurts like hell. _

_"I was happy with you" Kendall says softly against James' lips, "I _am_ happy with you"_

_James sighs, feelings the tears beginning to blur his hazel eyes. "But not happy enough"_

_"I'm so sorry" Kendall sobs, clinging to James for dear life and resting their foreheads together. "I wish I could be the one... the one who could give you love... the kind of love you really need and deserve. I wish I could say that I'll always stay with you but... I can't. You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you, promise you forever... and that's something I can't do. I could say that I'll be all you need but that would be a lie, I know I'd only hurt you... I'm not the one you need James"_

_"K-Kendall I... I can't... I don't –"_

_"I hope you can find some way to understand I'm doing this for the both of us... You know that I if I could I would stay, but deep in my heart I know this is the best thing to do. You'll find _someone_ who'll be everything that I wasn't... who'll give you something better than the love you'll find with me. You deserve to be happy James. You're an amazing person and nothing is ever going to change that. You're funny, smart, beautiful, kind... you're perfect, and I will never forget every single moment we have shared together. But you know that in the end I'm right, that we're not... _right _for one another"_

_James wishes he could say Kendall was wrong, he wishes he could find his voice to argue and yell and fight for their love... but what good would that do? Would that really make him any happier? Would that really make this whole situation any better? _

_No._

_"But... but I l-love you" James manages to sob out, quickly and breathlessly._

_"Not as much as you love Logan"_

_It's spoken in barely a whisper but the words slice straight through James' heart, because at the end of it all; he knows Kendall is right._

_In fact, he never even doubted it._

* * *

It hurt James that Kendall was choosing someone else.

And the irony was not lost on him at all.

It hurt having to say goodbye to Kendall, but really they weren't saying goodbye at all. They'd both agreed they didn't want to lose each other, and that simply imagining their lives without one another was just not going to happen. Sure, at times it would be awkward... James knew there were going to be times Kendall would smile at him and memories would hit him like a tonne of bricks. James knew that whenever he heard the song _Video Killed the Radio Star _it would make him think of when they decided a road trip to Chicago was a good idea to get a pizza some guy in Kendall's class told him was "_so fucking amazing man you just don't even know"._

It was pretty amazing.

And for some reason Kendall thought it would also be a good idea to bring out classic 80's pop for the drive, and apparently The Buggles was his favourite.

They'd already decided on the plane yesterday they were going to go back to Chicago at some point for their pizza again.

James liked that. He wanted that.

But no matter how many road trips they would take or how many smiles Kendall would give James, James knew what his heart wanted, where his heart truly belonged.

That's why he now found himself getting out of a cab and standing in front of his old house. Everything was the same, of course it was, nothing had changed. But at the same time, everything had changed.

He walks up the path slowly, trying to see just how slow he can in fact walk. He didn't even know if Logan was going to be home and hell, he didn't even know if Logan still lived here and maybe worst of all... he didn't even know if Logan would want to see him.

But he had to, right? Because before anything they were best friends.

James looks down at his watch.

6:09pm.

Logan would be home. He hardly ever went out, and from what he'd heard from Carlos' letter Logan wasn't exactly one to socialise anymore.

_That _made James feel awful.

He places his hand in his coat pocket a feels the small piece of folder paper feeling like stone weighing him down. He'd asked Kendall for this one letter, and even though Kendall seemed to have some big hang up about these letters and wanting the whole 365, he'd agreed. It was probably no use to Kendall anyway, considering it was now crumpled and tear stained and despite it being addressed to Kendall, James felt like it was his.

James dares himself to read it, just one more time on the steps of his old porch before reaching out his hand and knocking on the door; he is putting that part off as long as possible.

* * *

**_Day 119_**

_Dear Kendall, _

_I wonder what you're doing today... probably something fun. I seem to have all these visions of you spending every day at Times Square, or maybe at the Statue of Liberty or going to see plays on Broadway... although that's probably me just being stereotypical. _

_My day wasn't so fun. I had lunch with Logan. Which in essence wasn't the non fun part, because I like spending time with Logan. When you and James first left it was a little awkward... but I think we both sort of just bonded over the pain of losing our best friends and then we in turn became good friends... funny how life works. _

_Kendall... you don't understand how much it hurts to see Logan. I think every day he is getting worse. I know he's trying to be strong, I know he puts on a mask for everyone to hide how much he is hurting but it doesn't take too much for that mask to crumble. Sometimes he will tell me past stories of him and James... like today... I've heard so many stories of them right from when they first met up until things just before you left. Today he told me about when he was studying to be a doctor he would sometimes practice on James, and whenever he placed the stethoscope upon James' chest he would say "_I love you" _and he would feel James' heart skip a beat... he would smile at James and feel his heart race... _

_But James would say "_I love you" _back, he would smile back... he loved Logan right back. And I think that's the hardest part for him Kendall... Logan thought James loved him, he thought when James told him he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, he wasn't lying... But I don't think James was lying... But Logan won't hear that. He's just barely come to terms with the fact that James never loved him like he thought and he would have to be ok with never seeing the love of his life ever again. _

_But he's not going to be ok with that, ever._

_Come home._

_If at least not for me, for Logan._

_Love, _

_Your Carlos._

* * *

James lets a couple of tears roll down his cheeks as he folds the letter back away in his pocket. This is why he was here; this is what he had to make right; he had to make Logan see that he wasn't lying when he told him he loved him. He wanted Logan to know that he will never leave again and that James was all his, forever.

He lets a feeble hand knock on the door, probably barely loud enough but he hears the door to the living room open and light footsteps pad down the hallway. This was it, this was the moment James had been both dreading and yearning for all this time and he didn't know what to do or say or how to breathe but he wasn't going to run.

No more running.

James' heart gets caught in his throat when the front door swings open.

Logan.

He wasn't a dream.

He wasn't an imagination.

He was real and here and looking at James as if his life was flashing in front of his eyes.

Neither says a word, simply staring at one another and letting a thousand words pass through their eyes. But Logan is the first to break, bringing a hand to his face and burying his features as the tears begin to fall from his eyes. James acts on instinct or impulse or whatever the universe is telling him to do at this moment and steps forward to scoop Logan up in his arms.

James wraps his arms tightly around Logan's waist and lifts his feet on the ground, Logan himself wasting no time in letting his arms grip themselves around James' neck. Logan cries in James' shoulder, letting out tears that makes James fear for not only Logan's well being but his own. It's almost too much.

He knew he missed Logan, more than anything, he knew he loved Logan, more than anything, but being here now... being here wrapped up in each other as they both cry is something James never thought would touch him in such a way. He never realised until right now just how much he loved and needed the other man... needed him in a way that was almost crippling.

"Logan" James breathes out, feeling arms wrap tighter around his neck and Logan's head bury deeper into his shoulder.

But James knows that nothing is going to be easy, he knows that he and Logan aren't just going to kiss and make up and everything will go back to normal. No. Things must get worse before they get better. At least that's what they say.

After what feels like forever but really no time at all Logan lowers himself for James' hold, not saying a word as tears still shine bright in his eyes and he is looking at James in such a way that James feels like his heart is being thrown through a glass window.

Over.

And over.

And over again.

"L-Logan I don't... I don't know what to say" James chokes, feeling the urge to smash his lips against Logan's and run off into the sunset.

Happily Ever After.

"How about..." Logan begins, voice cracked and broken beyond belief, "How about you say nothing at all"

"What do you –"

"Come, sit" Logan says softly, shutting the door behind him leaving them both standing outside before he takes James by the hand and sits them down on the bench on their front porch.

Logan bows his head and looks at their entwined fingers, grasping, searching, fumbling with his mind for the right words to say. James doesn't say anything, simply holds Logan's hand tight; so tight in fact he is sure going to be crushing some bones soon.

"What are you doing here?" Is Logan's first question, still not letting their eyes meet.

"I came back... for you"

"Where's Kendall?"

"He's... he's with Carlos"

A light, humourless chuckle escapes Logan's lips. "I see. Of course. So what happened then?"

"What –"

"Trouble in paradise? Your fairy tale didn't work out?"

"Logan" James sighs, "It just... it just wasn't working. We knew where our hearts belonged"

"And let me guess, Kendall was the first one to figure this out? And you sort of just went along with it?"

"No..."

"Yes"

"Look Logan, I know that there's nothing I can say that will make me leaving any easier but –"

"No" Logan suddenly snaps, whipping his head up to glare at James. "Nothing you say is going to make any of this ok or easier or whatever you think it's going to do. Do you not understand that you _broke my heart _James? No, you didn't just break it, you _shattered_ it. Breaking it when you chose Kendall over me was one thing, but you shattered it when you just left. You left James and you didn't even tell me!"

Hot, angry tears spill down Logan's face, his voice starting to crack and waver. But he's not done. Not even close.

"You know I've been going over and over in my head everything we shared, every moment, every touch... and I tried to ask myself... _what did I do wrong?" _

"Logan, you didn't do anything wrong" James sobs, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around the smaller man and never let him go again.

"They why... why wasn't it me? I just... that's what I don't understand. I thought you loved me in a way you just didn't love anyone else. I thought that... I thought that we were going to be happy together and everything that you told me was going to be real. I thought that every morning, I would awake to your face across from mine... wrapped up in your arms where I would belong. I thought one day we would have that family... that we would be perfect... Do you have any idea what it's like not to be someone's first choice? Do you have any idea what's it like for the love of your life to tell you that you're not the one... And do you have _any _idea what it's like for your best friend of nearly 30 years just leave without a single word of goodbye... _you didn't even say goodbye_"

"L-Logan I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry... I just... I'm so sorry, I need you. I love you" James cries.

"It's too late to apologise" Logan whispers, tears rolling down his cheeks. "You tell me that you need me and that you love me but then you just went and cut me down... you treated my heart like your play thing, seeing how hard you could squeeze until it broke"

"That's not true!"

"What did you think was going to happen James? Did you think you were going to come back here and say sorry and everything was going to be ok? You would move back in and everything would be perfect? Did you think I could look at your morning after morning and my heart wouldn't break? That I could just forget you chose someone else? Or the fact that you gave up on years of friendship, just threw it away like it was nothing?"

"Logan, please" James can barely speak, but he's not going to give up. "L-Logan I need you to know, _I love you. _I have always loved you and I always will, and I will spend every minute of the rest of my life proving that to you if you would give me the chance. I want to be everything to you, I want to be everything you need and want and deserve. I will spend the rest of my life making up for my mistakes, because I _can't _be without you, I just can't. What about... what about those two little bears? What about our sunset?"

"James... you can't... you can't say that! You have no right!"

Logan rips his hand from James' and stands from the seat, moving to the edge of the porch to stare out at the rain as the tears stream down his face.

"I know I fucked up, I know that!" James says as he stands and moves to Logan, but before he can reach out a hand to place on Logan's shoulder the smaller brunette spins quickly on his heel to glower up at James.

"The worst part is, is that I still love you! There isn't one minute that I don't think about you and I know that nothing is ever going to change that. I know that I will love you forever and you will be the only one who ever holds my heart... that's why –"

James doesn't give Logan a chance to finish; instead smashing their lips together like he had wanted from the beginning and lifting Logan up into his arms. The kiss is angry and heated and a complete expel of so many built up emotions over the past 12 months and yet at the same time James' heart as never felt quite like this. He's never felt his heart explode within his chest with a love so strong he surely can't survive.

Logan's hands tangle through James' hair, pulling gently and holding him captive. James holds onto Logan tightly, wishing that this moment could last forever, wishing that everything will be ok, wishing that he can have Logan in his arms for the rest of his life.

But that's the problem with wishes, they hardly ever come true.

Logan pulls back, James dropping him down onto his feet and trying to kiss him again but Logan puts both hands on James' chest. "No, I... I can't"

James doesn't try and complain, but he doesn't make any attempts to release his hold and apparently Logan isn't going anywhere.

"James, do you remember Christmas when we were 15?"

James nods, his breath catching in his throat as he knows instantly where Logan is going with this.

* * *

_Logan peeks through the curtains from the couch, as he has done every two seconds for the past 30 minutes or so now. He knows James is coming, but he just wants him to get here already. _

_"Sweetie, James will be here soon" His Mother laughs from the dining table, setting the places in her signature Mitchell Family Christmas style. Which isn't much of a style, it's just sort of bunch of stuff thrown together that looks Christmassy, and Logan loves it._

_"I know" Logan sighs, "But I just want to give him my gift"_

_"Well you will be able to soon"_

_"I know but – he's here!" _

_Logan jumps up from the couch and practically sprints to the front door, and he has the damn thing open before James even has a chance to step out of the car with his parents. Forgetting that he is not wearing a coat or even shoes for that matter Logan runs out into the snow and barely gives James any time to prepare before he is leaping into the tall boys arms. _

_"Merry Christmas Jamie!" Logan trills gleefully as James spins him around with a laugh. _

_"Merry Christmas Logie" James replies happily before setting Logan down on his feet. "Did you miss me?"_

_"Since yesterday? Yeah" Logan grins, lacing their cold fingers together before looking past James' shoulder and yelling, "Merry Christmas Mr and Mrs Diamond!"_

_"Since when do you call us Mr and Mrs Diamond?" James' Dad chuckles, filling his arms up with presents and food from the backseat of the car. _

_"Umm... my politeness is a Christmas present?"_

_All the Diamonds laugh, James' Mum coming over to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Merry Christmas Mr Mitchell. James, are you going to help us with bringing things in?"_

_"Yeah sure Mum I –"_

_"Nope! James has to get his present from me! Sorry!" Logan interrupts with a grin._

_"So much for being polite" James' Dad mutters with a smile as he rolls his eyes and walks into the house. _

_James' Mum smiles at the two boys fondly before she too disappears. _

_James is smiling down at Logan and is about to open his mouth to say something completely different but instead, "Why aren't you wearing a coat?! And shoes! Where are your shoes Logie!?"_

_"Ahhh... I was too excited when you got here to worry about such frivolous things as shoes!"_

_"You're so silly" James smiles as she shakes his head, "Here"_

_James takes his own beanie off and puts it on top of Logan's head, pushing it down and smiling at how damn cute Logan looks with the little toggles and the fluffy pom pom on the top. _

_"Are you laughing at me?" Logan pouts as James just continues to laugh more. _

_"Only because you look so cute"_

_Logan smiles as James takes the toggles of the beanie and plays with them around Logan's face. James looks down on Logan with such a look of... well a look of love in his eyes and it almost knocks Logan straight of his feet. He knew that what he and James had was definitely beyond that of normal friendship, he wasn't an idiot, but they never really talked about it or addressed it, they were just... they were just James and Logan and they were what they were. But now, with the way James' hazel eyes were staring deeply into his own he felt his heart begin to pound and his mind begin to fog..._

_Logan knew he loved James, but was this... but was this what if felt like to be in love?_

_Before Logan has any chance to continue that train of thought James pulls him in with the toggles of the beanie, quickly bringing their lips together in a kiss that well... and Logan doesn't want to sound too corny or cliché, but it was one of those one's that people write about in story books. When people tell you that you see stars, fireworks go off and you feel your heart swell in your chest... well yeah, they're right. _

_"Wow" Logan breathes as James pulls back, his hands now moved to either side of Logan's face and holding him there gently. _

_"Yeah, wow" James smiles, "You know Logan... I... um... Well you know how we say we love each other all the time? Which is true, because I do... but I like... I really love you"_

_Logan leans up and kisses James again the minute the words leave his lips, "I love you too"_

_"And Logan..." James says softly, brushing Logan's cheek with the back of his hand, "I want to make you a promise. A Christmas promise"_

_"Is that a real thing? A Christmas promise?"_

_"Well... it is now!" James smiles, taking one of Logan's hands in his and getting down on to one knee. _

_Logan has no idea what James is doing but he will go with it. _

_"Logan Mitchell" James begins, a nervous smile on his lips, "I make a Christmas promise to you as your best friend in the whole wide world, that no matter what happens, you and I will be together forever. Even if we are simply friends, well that's ok with me because all I want is to have you in my life. So no matter what, I love you. No matter what, I will be here for you. Every Christmas I will kiss you in the snow and as long as you let me, I will do it for every single Christmas; now until forever. So, what do you say? You and me, forever?"_

_Logan responds by flinging his arms around James until they both fall backwards into the snow and they are both laughing as Logan places kisses all over James' face. _

_"You and me, forever" Logan smiles, "It will be perfect"_

_When James' Mum comes out to call them inside she can hardly say she's shocked to see them lying in the snow kissing. It's not like she didn't know this was coming, in fact she was sort of just waiting for it. And she knew that the two would make each other happier than anyone else ever could, and that's all that mattered. _

_But perfection and fairy tales never last, James' Mum would never know of their happiness or their future._

_She died within the year._

* * *

"Y-you told me that we were going to be together forever, "_no matter what" _you would be here for me. And every Christmas I would get a kiss in the snow... that was your Christmas promise James, and I thought we decided Christmas promises couldn't be broken? Because you see it's not entirely the fact you picked Kendall... I mean yeah that is still beyond heart breaking but I still wanted you in my life James. I didn't want you to leave... and I didn't even get my kiss in the snow this past Christmas... "

"Logan... L-Logan I... every Christmas from now on, we will be together. Every Christmas I will lie with you in the snow and kiss you until you can't breathe. I want to keep my Christmas promise"

"You can't keep a promise you've already broken James" Logan says sadly, "And I think... I think I've realised something now..."

"W-what?"

"I spent this past year missing you more than I've ever missed anything, shedding more tears than I thought was possible, and breaking my heart over and over again with my own thoughts... and I think I know why it was so hard. You left me, without even a goodbye. I just... I just needed that closure James. And now that you're back... I think... I t-think I can get it now"

"No" James breathes out, shutting his eyes tightly and trying to stop the tears. "You are not saying goodbye to me"

"James" Logan tries not to sob, "You are going to have such an amazing life..."

"No"

"You are going to be with someone perfect for you"

"No"

"You are going to find that special someone to kiss in the snow on Christmas"

"No"

"I wish you so much happiness"

"L-Logan... please"

"Go back to New York. Prosper, be amazing, be perfect, be happy"

"L-Logan, you can't..."

"James" Logan cries softly with a sad smile, putting a hand on the back of James' neck and pulling him down until their lips touch softly.

Their last kiss.

"James, I love you _so _much. Please, never forget that"

"L-Logan, I love you too, why are you –"

"Shhh" Logan says softly, leaning up on the tips of his toes to place a gentle kiss on James' forehead. "Let me say it now..."

"S-say what?"

Logan steps back, disconnecting their bodies and walking backwards to the front door. He turns the handle and steps inside, turning back and looking into James' shining hazel eyes that are so full of pain and sadness. Taking in every single inch of him just one last time, letting every line, every curve, everything soak into his eyes as he lets the tears fall softly. He will remember everything. Every kiss, every smile, every touch, every laugh, every tear. Everything.

James was his first love, his true love, his only love.

And that will never change.

"_Goodbye, James"_

**The End.**_  
_


	20. Chapter 20

Wow. Hi. Didn't think I would be posting to this story thread ever again did I...

Well sadly, this is not a chapter.

But.

How would you feel... if maybe... I wrote a little... would we call it a sequel? Maybe a epilogue?

There's just one more chapter of all their lives that needs to be told... And it's begging to come out.

I was having a conversation with my main woman Becca over on tumblr, and this came out in a blur:

_"Just because I let you go doesn't mean I don't love you. Because, in a way, that's the hardest part. It would be easier to say goodbye if I felt nothing, it would be easier to see you turn around and leave if my heart was empty; but it's not. Watching you go was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I know that this pain will remain like a dull ache in my heart for as long as I shall live. But love is the reason we had to move on, because I needed you to be happy. Even though we are not together, you hold my heart; forever"_

* * *

_"James…" Logan whispers, closing his arms around the strong man's waist and burying his head into his chest._

_It's been so long, in some ways it's felt like a lifetime; and yet… it's like James never left. It's like Logan never said goodbye on their front porch all those years ago. To see James now, to see that pain hidden behind those hazel eyes, Logan feels his heart start to bleed. That wound that never really closed is now torn open again, ripping through his chest with a pain so deep Logan feels like he is dying._

_"I don't… I can't…" James tries to choke out, his wet tears hitting Logan's hair as he holds the shorter man so tight neither will be able to breathe soon._

_Maybe… Maybe the pain was worth it. Maybe they needed it to realise what they both now know in this moment…_

_Love, never dies._

* * *

**That is the sort of thing you can expect... If I decide to do it that is...**

**Oh and quick shout out to everyone who read this and reviewed this and who I put in so much pain. I love you all so much.**


	21. Chapter 21

OH AND SOMETHING ELSE I FORGOT BUT WAS JUST REMINDED OF.

ONE WORD.

_**WEDDING**_


End file.
